Published February 6, 2010
this is a poem i wrote in my english class just to write...enjoy!!!
I am a feirce and idnependent woman
I wonder why the world turns
I hear a tortise sob
I see a hatter sipping tea
I want to hear my grandfathers voice
I am a feirce and independent woman
I pretend to play croke with the queen
I feel proud of my actions
I touch the spot where water connects with sky
I worry to live another day
I cry when my father cries
I am a feirce and independent woman
I understand people die
I say live like there is no tomarrow
I dream of a wornderland all my own
I hope get there,
And be 2 miles past
I am a feirce and independent woman!
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Dear mrschaos,
you have a lot of spelling errors, but I think if you wrote it on purpose that would be cool! I don't really enjoy the first verse. It sound a little choppy, but I like how you repeat:
"I am a feirce and independent woman"
I LOVE the third verse!
Keep writing
~~Sionarama
I really like your poem. It shows your personality shining through it, and I can feel the troubles you have been through. keep on writing

OK. I've put spelling/grammar errors in bold and then a couple of things which don't make sense in italics (I know they might change the rhythm, but you don't seem to have a consistent rhythm anyway, which is fine). I like the parallels you've drawn here with Alice in Wonderland, and I think you've used some good imagery as well - the poem definitely illustrates your feelings well. I'd like to see you maybe using a tighter rhythm or a rhyme scheme, which would add something, I think, but it certainly works without - a really lovely poem.