“Marco! Where do you want this big ass box, man,” said one of the workers, “Man, this is heavy, what do you have here, rocks?” It was the size of a refrigerator, but it was no refrigerator it was the cure for cancer, Marco was the person who was working on it. He failed to succeed in 2015 with human tryouts, but the human turn mad, spilling saliva, eyes turning red, blood coming out of the ears, and the veins popping out of his body, that’s when his skin started to fall and there was the skin peeling. Marco noticed that it turned to be a zombie, but never wanted to show that he was wrong for anything. His boss was furious that he wanted to choke the crap out of Marco just to waste money on the damn project that Marco fail to succeed. But of course, the government had to make up things about the person they experimented on like telling the person’s family that he died on accident, yet the body wasn’t found stuff like that. The family were sad about their loss, Marco went to his funeral feeling guilty. “Marco! You better get this shit right or you fired,” said Marco’s boss. “Don’t worry boss, we won’t tolerate any more failures, sir,” said Marco. “I keep that in mind, if you’re telling the truth,” said his boss, then he walk back to his office. There I was, waiting for my brother to get of his goddamn office, but the good part is that waiting for him, there is a nice precious woman with blue bright eyes, smooth hair like the cotton of a pillow, and pretty sexy like one of those stripers who has a very nice body. Anyway my brother works with the government, but won’t tell what is going on in since it is top secret. In my point of view, I think they’re making nukes for the next war or experimenting on people.
ONE DAY LATER: As I get into the kitchen to get me some awesome cereal. Delicious, gooey, extreme chocolaty, and much sugar. “I’m so cuckoo for Coco Puffs,” I yelled straight at my brother’s face, which is hilarious when he is working and I’m bothering.
“Stop that, man! You’re acting like a five-year-old boy with no education,” my brother, Marco said it like his work is more important than me, but you know he’s the person who pays the bill since he works for the government, the government pays everything for you, well him of course. You have to be smart to work for the government, especially learning science and math to work for the government. It interesting that more and more kids are not passing math because of the difficultness and memorizing the equations for all of those days of living in hell. But it is worth learning for, if learning is not good for then you might not make more money like me or my brother, or could sit down in your hairy ass butt in the couch studying as hard as you can. Majority of the kids these days are now into texting and playing, for example, back when I was a teen like fourteen-,fifteen-, or sixteen-years-old, kids were into texting other kids that are like in the same class or in the same school. Everybody is into tech, now people these days are making watches that make a call and text, too.
“Why do this to me bro!” Marco yell at me so hard that my ears started to bleed, well not really but it feels like hell when he does this.
“Just calm, man, it’s not like the end of the world, is it?” I said with a funny smile like the Joker does in the movie, THE DARK KNIGHT, in the part where Joker is captive and Batman is interrogating him where is the woman and that guy that turns into Two-Face.
TWO DAYS LATER: “We have a problem Marco,” said one the workers that work with Marco, “remember that guy they brought in and we experimented on him for testing the cure for cancer, well he’s in the hospital feeling sick.”
“What do you mean sick,” said Marco with a worried face like ‘Fuck, not this again’, “like he is in a coma from the heat or nausea that causes the brain malfunction.”
“You could say that, but his eyes are red and the veins are stretching long like one inch wide, is he going to change like our first victim.”
“Noo! Don’t say that! It work on the first day, so there is no problem with that cure,” Marco said it and broke his favorite cup with rage, it said ‘BEST SCIENTIST EVER’, breathing too hard and tears coming down from his bright blue eyes. “Okay so he’s still there?”
“Yeah I think he’s there, why?”
“I’m going to check up him and what’s going on,” Marco leaves the room, gets the broom and sweeps the floor to picks up the pieces of the cup with the dustpan they have in the janitor’s supply closet.
As he gets out of the building he takes out his phone to call his boss in order to warn him about what happened to the person who they experimented on.
“Come on pick up, pick up goddammit,” as Marco says it with frustration and feeling that he started this whole mess, “boss is...is that you, thank god you call man, guess what…”
“I know what happen Marco, and guess what your fired,” his boss said with roar of a lion an while they were talking in the phone you could here the boss kicking the chair with a loud thump, as he breaths in real deep to calm his frustration, he starts to speak, “okay, tell me what is wrong with the person that we experimented on and what’s the condition or the situation.”
“Well we know that he is not cured so that leaves us that he is turned into a zombie just like the first experiment we did,” Marco was worried that this disease is going to affect on lots of people which would cause a massive disaster, “there are some good news and bad news.”
As Marco goes to his car he sees a great amount of people that have been affected with this disease not as zombies but most of them getting there. There faces are pale, popping veins, barely able to walk. Marco thinking in his head “I don’t want to get affected with this disease I need to go home and warn Michael, also to prepare for what's going to happen.”
Marco checks that he is still alive and nothing is going on around and people are still safe. “Marco are you still there? Man, answer the phone damn it!” His boss said it with a worried tone, “Tell me what’s the good news and the bad news.”
“Um...well...what…Oh Yeah! The good news are that we are doing the best we can to find a cure for this disease before more and more people get infected. The bad news is that the person we experimented has been in the hospital and the doctors are giving him a quarantine. Which means that there might be a possibility that the doctors be infected because we do not know if the disease is air-borne. This disease is very scary if it can go from human to human well then we’re pretty much screwed we have no forsure cure, we need to warn as much people as possible to stay home and try not to go outside. This disease might be in the air trying to be inside us, or maybe it is already in us!”
“Marco don’t forget to warn you brother because family always come first,” his boss said to him like if he was his father.
“You’re right, I’ll call when I have the chance, see you at noon in your office tomorrow,” Marco thought, Damn! I should’ve thought of that before, that way I don't have to worry about him.
Marco got in the car, started the engine as quickly as he can to warn his brother. “Boss I got to go I'll call you later and let you know if everything ok.”
As soon as he hung up phone, he sees a strange person limping his right leg towards the building. Marco pushes the button to lower down the window to see what’s wrong with the person. Marco screams to the person, “Are you okay!” When that person turns around, his mouth hangs from one end of the jaw and the other side of the jaw, blood spilling on the floor marco steps on the gus as fast as possible.
The survival and protection between Michael and Marco is the truthful to one and the other,since their both related and are brothers but entering a deserted building is either a choice or if want to go in there anyways.But even the building would not be so safe from anyone and from anything since it seems that it has been abandoned ever since.So while they enter they are always cautious of what had happened before and after also,to in the way that nothing is ever safe or good anymore since all this mess,it would and wouldn't just have happened in at the this hell of a world.Michael and Marco just have stared looking around to see if there are is any danger at all and if there are people or the infected.Of course their was nobody and nothing but supplies of what they have and needed for all of safety.So Michael went to check out this room he saw but even he thought it wasn't a good idea."Hey Marco,wait here."Marco did a little heavy breath then waited until it was done.Michael went into the really cautiously but then to discover what was in the room.It was just two bodies on the ground but they weren't the infected but some bandits.When he laid eyes on the body he then put his eyes kn the room to see if somebody or something had kill them and if its still in the room.But the room was some type of a big storage room because of the building but since the outbreak broke the building turn to a safe haven for people who wanted to live.Also Michael thought of it then wondered if it didn't work out.After he had cleared his mind he saw some food and supplies.He kind of walked slowly and fast at the same time so the bodies on the floor won't scare him.He took off his backpack while grabbing the canned food.Michael was anxious about it since the only thing he had his brother and this hell os a world.As he began to finish his supply drop he heard a noise outside of the room he was in but the noise wasn't that loud.His reaction was at stealth mode but only for a little bit.The only of moment of silence for one minute and that had to be really scary since nothing happened for only that sixty seconds.Michael was about to reach his knife,Marco came into the room just a little bit scared but his footsteps were quite."Michael" said Marco but quietly and not to rush."In the streets,there are a lot of them."Micheal only said "how many"But Marco couldn't answer.So Michael went to check for himself for no reason at all and being someone who would.He looked out of the dirty window as he wiped it from his sleeve then was not too shocked about seeing the fifty to sixty infected outside,he wanted to go so badly then just said "we got to go""Where" said Marco being the only one who could do anything else.They got out from the building from the back just as Michael closed the door just as Marco says "what do we do now"Michael's response was "lets get out of here."
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The first few paragraphs had a lot of telling involved and was a bit hard to get through. Other parts were really obvious: “Why do this to me bro!” Marco yell at me so hard that my ears started to bleed, well not really but it feels like hell when he does this." I think it's obvious his ears weren't bleeding.
Also, I'm not really sure if the description at the start was meant as humor or really meant to only convey background information. A lot of information is being conveyed at once, it could be better to split it into several parts.
Alright I am here for a review!
It was a little hard to get through it the first time around. The beginning just kind of speeds past even through it is really important. Also it escalates very quickly, out of nowhere a man is already a zombie and Marco is unloading the cure for cancer. I was not expecting it to be told from first person either, but that is not a problem.
Okay, so right off the bat I see you using commas and periods when somebody asks a question. You will need to change the punctuation to questions marks and the "said" to "asked".
You tend to use the word "said" and "yelled" a lot when there are much better verbs to use, I would suggest looking some up.
As for grammatical errors, you use a lot of commas when periods would be better. Also you mixed up "there" and "their", not to mention a few spelling mistakes. But those can all be easily fixed.
Lastly, I would really suggest separating the story into more paragraphs. Every time the topic changes or someone speaks you should do this. If you don't it is difficult to understand.
Overall, good story with just a few errors that can be quickly changed. Keep writing, see ya' -Angry Noodles.