Young Writers Society

I like the whole idea behind the poem......its so true that sometimes you wish to be the best of everything... and you want to improve so much that you forget your own flaws.....
but there is 1 thing that i felt was contradicting.....

Throughout the poem you imagine and narrate what you'd like to be and then you suddenly end up saying you want to be happy with what you are right now.....
The end that you've given to the poem is definitely magnificent but it seemed abrupt....
you could have explained why you don't want to change and become all that you stated and just continue being yourself.......
u know what i mean ???

otherwise it was a well composed poem and i enjoyed reading it.....
well done

Your avatar is really cute ^__^ Tinkabel <3

Anyway, onto the review.

I like the idea behind this poem, it's something a lot of people like to write about - accepting yourself is a huge thing that people have to deal with and I love poetry that's based around human problems and emotions, generally dealing with life and reality.

And you have some really good ideas, such as wanting to be clever, wanting to be beautiful and popular. This poem is more sort of a list of things rather than a poem. I want some images, some pretty words that hold this theme together.

Each thing you say is fine and good, I just think you should say it in a better way so it's more like a poem and less like a wish list, something you'd write in your diary or something.

I agree with Sapphire here ont he statements side of thing. You have put across some lovely points, which would make the foundations of a great poem, you just haven't really coupled them with poetic enthusiasm.

I find the repetition annyoing, and it dampens the mood of the poem somewhat. I dont mean to say that you should cut this repition completely, but perhaps tone it down a little, or change it each time, such as; "I wish"... "I long for" ..."I desire". Comprede?

Happy writing!

Hi!

The turnaround at the end was the most effective line of the poem, but unfortunately it's preceded by a list of statements. Lists can get really monotonous, so eventually a reader will just switch off.

Why don't you take the ideas of not giving up, being prettier and being more clever and then expand on them? At the moment, the main body of the poem is six stanzas, but you could reduce them to three if you condensed the ideas. The first and third stanza looks at similar ideas, as do the second and fourth. What's more, if you get rid of the structure you used, then you'll have more freedom to think and write about them.

There's a good idea behind the poem, but it's not very poetic at the moment.

If you edit this, please let me know!