Published July 20, 2009
The next day I sat in my cupboard of a dressing room looking in my wonky mirror. All I had on was some trackie bottoms and sweater. Which was cleverly named because I was sweating my ass off in there! They always whack the heating up far too much. I heard rain again out side, the same diamond rain from last night where I met 'Dan'. The Image in my mind had got blurred with all the, uh hum, 'excitement' of the matinee performance. All I could really remember was his beady green eyes sparkling though the rain. A huge knock came on the door. It made my tiny cupboard shake.
"Hello? Who is it?"
"Antonio. Samaria is that you?" oh no not him! Anyone but him!
Then I remembered about that kiss last night where he stuck his tongue down my throat. Today's matinee was no better, if anything worse. God if your up there, why me?
"Yes," I just manged to act my way through my repulsion toward him, "What do you want? I'm kinda busy."
There a pause and a long sigh. I can still hear that rain. That beautiful rain.
"I just wanted to give you something...Please?" He sounded innocent and I think if I'd never had met him before I'd have called him sweet.
I opened the door just so I could poke my head through. Unfortunately for me the make-up department are running late and hadn't got round to him yet...Dam! He awkwardly smiled at me and looked different strangely. But the acne had got no better. I wonder if his face is a breeding farm for spots?
"Here." He thrust out a bouquet of roses at me like a school child,"Hope you like them.Urm, bye." After murmuring that last part he scuttled down the hall way like he was late for class.
I half heartily closed the door while reading the little note in one of the roses. It read:
To Samaria, I luv yous. Antonio xx
Doesn't he know how to spell wait...Why am I thinking about this? He just declared he loved me! Shit!
...
I sat on the bus that night holding the flowers and feeling down. I had at least sighed twenty times in the last hour. Not just because of Antonio but I wanted to see Dan again. I have no idea why but whatever I say it wont matter. Because he doesn't know me and I have a hunch he might just listen.
The doors squeak open a moment later and blow me down...It's Dan.
"Hello Smith, Samaria Smith."
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,742 Reviews
Hey!
I liked this! Again, you had a few grammatical errors, but nothing serious.
I don't think you're including enough details about your three characters. I know basically nothing about Dan and your MC. Antonio's shaping very nicely, however. I would suggest adding more about your MC's personality, and maybe why she likes Dan so much. To me, Dan's kinda tacky with his "Ha ha's" and such, but definitely add more about his great personality (I hope).
I was just thinking, wouldn't it be ironic if Dan was actually Antonio in disguise?
Well, great job!
zOe
Good part two!
lol I'm confused on one..thing though.
lol other than that it was pretty good 
What's here name? She's been said to be:
Samara
Samria
Samaria
I'm just kinda confused
Hey there moonstar! Selene's here to review!
Nit-Picks:
Join these two sentences. It should be:
"All I had on was some trackie bottoms and sweater, which was cleverly named because I was sweating my ass off in there!"
.
I don't think 'whack' is the right word here... perhaps they raised the heating too much?
'Image' shouldn't be capitalized.
'oh' should be capitalized. There should also be a comma after 'no'.
Haha, he is a school child.
'Your' should be you're.
'Manged' should be managed.
There should be a space after the ellipse and 'Please' shouldn't be capitalized.
A comma after 'me' and the same thing after the ellipse as before. Also, 'dam' should be 'damn'.
'Got' should be 'gotten'.
'Hall way' should be one word.
Character Development:
This is coming along nicely and I can really feel your other smaller character's personalities, but your MC's not so much. I'd like to know more about her and who she is as a person, maybe what she looks like or her partiality towards guys. I'd simply like to know more about what she's like.
Plot:
I have no clue where this plot line is going, really. You kind of surprised me at the end because you didn't really mention Dan in the beginning. Maybe the next chapter you'll set up a stable plot-line for the rest of the story? I'd like to see where this is going.
Overall:
I liked the chapter. It can be improved, but is okay at the moment. Good luck with your next chapter and I'll be waiting to read it!