I fell in love once

by moonstar
  • July 16, 2009
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

I fell in love once,
With someone just like me.
With a silent way of saying,
I love you but keep praying.

I fell in love once,
With constant worry for him.
Wanting to linger my breath on his face,
Slide my fingers on his hips,
'Till they're wrapped around his waist.

I fell in love once,
With an unbreakable soul.
Yet, arms out stretched
He let me in,
Out side bold, but inside fragile and thin.

I fell in love once,
But now that love is gone.
Pearly tears that I cry,
Blood smeared on cruel pavement.
I never had the chance to say... Goodbye.

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
bludragon525
Review
bludragon525 wrote a review · Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:15 pm

Hey!

Hm. This was okay. It follows the usual love story, which isn't exactly my favorite theme, but it was okay.

I love you but keep praying.


What do you mean by this? Praying for what?

Out side bold, but inside fragile and thin.


Outside's one word.

I fell in love once,

But now that love is gone.

Pearly tears that I cry,

Blood smeared on cruel pavement.

I never had the chance to say... Goodbye.


This was my favorite stanza, but the periods before the "goodbye" kind-of bothered me. Maybe you should put "goodbye" as a new line?

All in all, good job!

Keep writing!

zOe :smt043

User avatar
dogs
Review
dogs wrote a review · Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:03 pm

hey moonstar, this is dogs here.

I really like your poem. i am not a fan of love stories but this one was okay.

I liked it when you reapeat the "I fell in love once" this sounds good and always ties back into the previous paragraph.

I really don't have any suggestions soooooooooooooooo KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK =D

User avatar
defendthelegend
Review
defendthelegend wrote a review · Thu Jul 16, 2009 5:53 pm

Hello :D

I really like it. It sounds really good. It sounds like it came from the heart!

I really really really like the fact that it shows that you were once in love with him, but at the end it is rounded off saying that you aren't anymore.

It's so sweet, the fact that this person didn't even get to say goodbye.


So sad


well done.



I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda