I closed my eyes, I was trying to imagine a world, my world.
A world where I was the cool kid. a world away from reality. A world where I was envied. I wanted this bad, so bad that my heart began punding-loudly.
I wanted this, I needed this. I closed my eyes tighter, trying to get a feel of my world, that's what I would call it, yes- my world. How I longed for this.
I opened my eyes, I was back, back into reality. A bang on the door led me back. I ignored the bang and laid there trying to accept the tears that grace my cheeks.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy..so there's a very interesting piece here for a prologue, usually when it comes to things with titles like this there's a lot more fantasy and magic involved, but well I love how refreshingly wholesome and innocent this one is here, because it just looks like a fairly small child here trying to envision something that is their very own world.
I love how innocent this first chapter while also showing undercurrents of a possible darker theme. On the surface it seems like its a small child trying to get to a new fantastical reality where they can be cool...but also does beg the question of why this would be happening, and well, that is definitely interesting cause you have to wonder about what could've happened to this person for them to think this way and the answers could be quite bad here.
All in all, this is a very simple prologue here, but it seems to hold quite a bit of weight despite its apparent simplicity and I have to say I'm certainly intrigued enough that I would certainly continue to read to see what this might all be about.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Ummm, Harry, this prologue is like 8 years old
And has only one more chapter it.
What are you doing XD?
Oh I've been on a long journey down into the ancient depths of YWS..xD
"I closed my eyes, I was trying to imagine a world, my world.
A world where I was the cool kid. a world away from reality. A world where I was envied. I wanted this bad, so bad that my heart began punding-loudly.
I wanted this, I needed this. I closed my eyes tighter, trying to get a feel of my world, that's what I would call it, yes- my world. How I longed for this.
I opened my eyes, I was back, back into reality. A bang on the door led me back. I ignored the bang and laid there trying to accept the tears that grace my cheeks"
I closed my eyes. I was trying to imagine a world, my world. A world where I was the cool kid. A world away from reality. A world where I was envied.
I wanted this bad, so bad that my heart began pounding loudly. I wanted this; I needed this.
I closed my eyes tighter, trying to get a feel of my world. That's what I would call it, yes - my world.
How I longed for this.
I opened my eyes. I was back. Back in reality. A bang on the door was what led me back.
I ignored the bang and laid there, trying to accept the tears that graced my cheeks.
Did some minor editing, hope you like it
-
Hey Monster, Sky here
I actually wasn't planning on reviewing your prologue, but what the hey, I'll do it
In here I fixed some missed capitalization and spelling errors. Nothing too big; happens to all of us
This sentence is quite oddly written. Rewriting doesn't hurt anyone, right?
Example:
Overall:
I can't really say much as an overall, because it was just the prologue.
I can remind you, however, about your grammar (commas, periods) and the way you phrase your sentences.
If you have any questions about this review, please contact me via my profile or inbox.
Keep writing,
Sky c:
Hey Mons! :3
I'm here to review you today and I hope I can help you out.
Since this was short, my review will be short, too.
Prologues are meant to be short and crisp, giving an indication of what the novel might hold for us or is a scene or event which is important to the plot of the novel. That being said, this does give an indication of what the story might be about. Most likely, it's about a person(I'm guessing it's a girl) who is not accepted in his/her peer group and wishes nothing else.
But I've got some problems with such topic. I think this kind of theme-about socially unaccepted people, especially teenagers, has been over used and is sort of a cliche. Most of the protagonists in today's novels are socially awkward and desire to be accepted by people. Not unless your story is about something else, or your plot is really interesting and you use this topic really cleverly could this novel be a good idea. You've to try something with this topic that has not been used yet. Don't let it be another teenager drama.
Also, there's this part of someone banging on her door that interests me. I just think that maybe there's another twist to this story and the theme's not what I had thought it is. Maybe the person is being held or something? Though I'm really sure it is not this.
Anyhow, you've got me speculate the theme and the plot which proves that your prologue was good enough to hold my attention and make the novel seem mysterious.
If you need help, PM me. I'd be more than happy to help you out.
~Mia
aww thank you.... I will do if I need any help! Thank You again!