Young Writers Society

Hey there.

I agree with the first reviewer- it was long and stretched out, and hard for me to continue reading. You'll get better at keeping the reader entertained as you continue reading.

Before you post, and during editing, I'd suggest reading over the poem in the eyes of somebody else. See how they'd react to it, see if you hadn't written it if you'd still read it.

Now, onto the poem itself. I did enjoy reading it once I'd finished it, but near the beginning it bored me a bit. I'm not trying to bag on your poem, but I'm just giving my honest opinion.

Uh uh awake. #FF0000 ">Uh uh should be 'Uhhuh Comma awake.
Hand arced #FF0000 ">Arced? Did you happen to mean arched or is arced just a word that I'm not aware of?
Slamming the clock
Once twice thrice #FF0000 ">Three times, not thrice.
And more #FF0000 ">Period.
Still snoozing#FF0000 ">Comma
Roommate grunts,
No sorry #FF0000 ">Comma
No time.
Class! At nine #FF0000 ">The exclamation mark after class doesn't need to be there.
Apple—off to class
Nervous returning #FF0000 ">Comma
Two weeks vacation #FF0000 ">Comma
Everyone anxious—
Paid them no thought #FF0000 ">Comma
Except for this one
And this one lent.
Girl at my left— #FF0000 ">I really like this 'Girl at my left- Prepared. Everyone- Prepared.'
Prepared.
Everyone—
Prepared.
Wielding calculators.
Enthusiasm mocked.
Why? I ask.
#FF0000 ">These last few lines confused me quite a bit. It might just be me, but they don't seem to make much sense. I'd suggest changing them to something else.
Handout was passed.
What? I ask.
Why? I ask too. #FF0000 ">I ask too should be changed to something else, like, "Why? I ask as well."
I learn.
...
Alas…it was a test!
Testing what?
I do not know #FF0000 ">Comma
I had not been.
Silly question.

What the hell is this? I ask
Loudly—for all to hear #FF0000 ">Period
Presented with a stern gaze. #FF0000 ">Comma instead of period.
And the paper was passed.
I knew her faking deafness:
A new tactic I would need #FF0000 ">Period
The question and flurry—vain
Profanities did not yield her. #FF0000 ">I really like these last two lines.
My things! I thought and looked #FF0000 ">Period.
Notebook, laptop, textbook, clicker!
I grasped the notebook. Fly!
The spiral-bound projectile flew
Into the podium—flying
Next the books and laptop.
All flew and hit—progress
Certainly! No test today!
She continued her work—
Shrapnel, paper and plastic—ignored.
The tests were passed, even to me.
Out of tactics—I resigned.
I took the test and finished
In two minutes, I was done.
Done with my dreams.
And that is where I left them
Plastic and all.

Heya,

It's a good idea, but as far as first impressions go, i could barely stay focused long enough to read it. It was long, and the layout isn't that easy on the eyes, so i found myself zoning out quite a lot, and because i was zoning out, very little of this made sense, but i suppose it was easy to catch up again.

I'd say, work on the layout of this (Line spacing, etc.) And things should clear up

Quest.