Buddhon Noodles

Dr. Wu was relaxed as he sipped his tea from his warm porcelain cup. It was a lovely afternoon in Beijing, China’s capital, 1294 and it was all because of Dr. Wu. He could still hear the people cheering, down below in the city, from his tall pagoda in his private zen garden. A young man walks up the path towards the entrance of the pagoda.

“Dr. Wu! I have some noodles to sell you,” yelled the man below.

“Rice Guy, I told you not to come to my private zen garden without permission, but since you are here and I’m in a good mood, you can come up,” Dr. Wu said with a sigh. Rice Guy bolted up the stairs to the top floor in seconds while holding a hot bowl of noodles ready for eating.

Dr. Wu took the bowl of noodles and set it down onto the table, “Thank you, Rice Guy,” said Dr. Wu handing Rice Guy the paper currency known as chao.

Before Rice Guy left, he asked Dr. Wu, “Could you tell me how you killed Kublai Khan, I missed it and I’m ready to hear a story from our hero before going back to the market?,” Rice Guy asked politely.

“Fine. It all started when I met you,”

----FLASHBACK----

Dr. Wu was in the town square, checking on things to make sure everything was alright for he was Kublai Khan’s most trusted advisor but also the “Third Ear”, a spy for a secret group called the Earruminati. Dr. Wu was Japanese so he could be in the Mongol government because Chinese weren’t allowed to be in it. He loved the hustle and bustle of people roaming from tent to tent to buy some goods from the farmers. Dr. Wu decided to buy some noodles and rice for his royal fatness. That royal fatness was Kublai Khan, Mongol ruler of China, for he was very fat, so fat that he earned the name Kublai “Chubster” Khan. He despised it and quickly executed those who uttered it at once. Kublai Khan also hated Buddhism and their teachings. Dr. Wu disliked Kublai’s ways but it was his job to listen to Kublai’s plans to report back to his people of the Earruminati. Dr. Wu was about to go under a tent when a crowd of people came out panicking. He looked inside to see what was wrong and the only one left in the tent was a rice farmer, wearing the same straw conical hat known as a rice hat but with more tears in it then his. It was meant to be worn by peasants and farmers but it was very helpful for blocking out the sun especially since it was summer. The man looked at Dr. Wu and said nothing, holding his sack of food.

“You better not be causing any trouble young man or I will have to report you to your royal highness,” Dr. Wu said angrily but meant to show no harm.

“Don’t sweat it, gramps, I just told them that the monastery is burning down on the south side of the city,” the man said it like it was nothing.

“What?! Before I go, what is your name, young man?” Dr. Wu asked in a hurry.

“That ain’t important but you can call me Rice Guy, I sell rice and noodles so come back when you can, gramps,” teased the peasant.

“Urgh, I’ll deal with you later,” Dr. Wu left the tent and ran towards the burning monastery. He passed the many groups of homeless people who littered the ground and decided to cut into a dark alleyway, as a shortcut. It was the perfect place for criminals to mug him but Dr. Wu could fight them, even if he had no weapons. Instead of thugs he encountered but an old Buddhist crying. His name was Lee. He and some others are the last Buddhists alive from the monastery and that it didn’t accidentally catch on fire but was burned down by Kublai Khan’s minions. The other Buddhists were taken by Kublai and was taken to the castle Dr. Wu was outraged and finally decided it’s time to kill Kublai Khan. Lee quickly teaches him some basic Buddhism like the Eightfold Path and some breathing meditation practices before taking on Kublai Khan. He said Dr. Wu should try nonviolence and to not kill Kublai. Dr. Wu ignored that advice. Then, he bought some noodles and chopsticks and even a crossbow from Rice Guy. Dr. Wu soon went to the roof of his private pagoda and shot the crossbow with the longest noodles he had and made a makeshift zipline towards Kublai Khan’s castle. He held onto the zip line with the chopsticks as tight as he can as the wind smacked into his face. “Lets go.”

I could’ve walked through the castle peacefully but I like to work in style, thought Dr. Wu.

Dr. Wu crashed through the window of one of the halls without a scratch, surprisingly. He walked past all the guards, towards the dining room, and when they asked for his business, he told them he was reporting to Kublai Khan about how the market was doing. In the dining room, was Kublai Khan, of course, stuffing himself with cakes, pork, rice, and noodles. He was also offering a girl food but she was wise enough to turn down the offer. The smell of incenses, imported from India filled the room. Two guards watched him eat, hungry themselves. Dr. Wu wasted no time.

“You burned down that monastery, you monster!” Dr. Wu shouted as he ran up to Kublai Khan. The guards were no match as Dr. Wu pushed them aside, knocking one of them out. He next took the nearest noodle he could find and strung it around Kublai’s neck. Kublai choked, attempting for air, and tried to pry him off but Dr. Wu stayed firm. Kublai could only muster a little “Why?” and looked like he was thinking about something as if he was having a flashback and died. So much for nonviolence...

The one guard who didn't pass out was surprised and said with amazement, “He probably would've died of sugar-urine disease if not by old age. He was like 79 years old!”

----END OF FLASHBACK----

“But one thing that troubled me was how the noodles were not able to break when I used them as a zip line,” said Dr. Wu puzzlingly. “What do you put in those fake noodles?”

Lee grinned and said, “That’s a family secret and they ain't fake but I can tell you the noodles are called Impastas.”

----EPILOGUE----

To make a long story short, Dr. Wu saved everyone from Mongol rule and freed Mai’s sister but didn’t notice the bull waiting outside his door a day later. It resembled Kublai Khan and Dr. Wu recalled the teachings of reincarnation from Lee…

This is some serious karma, thought Dr. Wu.

The end?