The Cadrica - Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The smoke ,settling from the explosions, merged around the wast number of ruble piles. a solider , wounded, hides behind the wall, using it as shelter. He looks our from behind the wall, seeing that its all clear, then returns to hes position. He reaches for a machine. Flicking a switch, it starts to hum, the slowly counts " 3 - 2 - 1 - Begin". The Soldier clears his throat and takes a deep breath before beginning. " This message is to be sent to the past to warn of oncoming events."

Ohh okay, this is immediately starting off on a very intriguing note here. Its not the sort of thing that you happen to run into too often. I love the way this is setup here. We get a very good idea that we've got people in the midst of some proper chaos here with things going horribly wrong in multiple places and then we just see some very interesting sci fi elements getting woven straight in with a transmission to the past of all places. Well, this is certainly quite the start here.

"Year 2026, May 30Th 1:30 am, New York. My Name is Jekkenson...Commander Coleton Jekkenson. I was the leader in and assault troop from the human army, formally known as D.A.B.; defense Against Beasts. We were selected to retain the station fort of New York. As can be for told, we have failed. The beasts took out most of my men, prisoned the rest. I am alone by the recording. World wide they have taken control of most of the humanly habitable parts, considering the world has turned to a waste land after the fifth world war in 2022. But now the beasts are taking over and invading the lands we had resevered for own. This is the end of the human race as is known."

Okay wow, that seems like a future that's sped up a bit more than you normally see, this is oddly close by considering the craziness of what's gone down here. Ignoring that little situation though, you've done a pretty solid job of constructing this little monologue here. I think it just about covers the general situation of this scene pretty well without diving into too much detail and hindering the pace of the piece.

" To who ever finds this message, Please send it to the highest known power available. Once it is their the following information must be broad-casted: The leader of this beast army is of a Female Beast named The Cadaric, or humanly called Jadia. She is of 5'8'', slender bulid, her beauty is flawless....she seems to look just like a normal teenage girl. but her eyes are what you must look out for. They are normally a dark purple or a dark blue, but when she is frightened or angry, they WILL change to a crystal light pink or a vibrant red. also, she has a tattoo on the top of the back of her neck and wing-shaped scares on her back. If you find her,please destroy her at all costs, For she is the bringer of this new world. She will help kill everything you know. It might be better in say the history. Listen carefully, for it could very well save human kind as you know it."

Alright, well that was a bit of an unexpected turn there, but on the other hand it does also sort of make sense there. And oddly enough in this context, this being something of a bit of an info dump actually works to its advantage here and I think despite the slightly odd turn of events, this comes together quite well to make for a pretty solid prologue here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

The smoke, settling from the explosions, merged around the vast number of rubble piles. A solider, wounded, hides behind the wall, using it as shelter. He looks our from behind the wall, see[s]ing[/s]s that [s]its[/s] all is clear, then returns to his position. He reaches for a machine. Flicking a switch, it starts to hum, then slowly counts " 3 - 2 - 1 - Begin". The Soldier clears his throat and takes a deep breath before beginning The reptition of the word "begin" could use some fixing. " This message is to be sent to the past to warn of oncoming events."

"Year 2026, May 30Th 1:30 am, New York. My Name is Jekkenson...Commander Coleton Jekkenson. I was the leader in and assault troop from the human army, formally known as D.A.B.; defense Against Beasts. We were selected to retain the station fort of New York. [s]As can be for told, [/s] this is a strange thing to say. Take it out. we have failed. The beasts took out most of my men, imprisoned the rest. I am alone by the recording rephrase this. It's choppy. World wide they have taken control of most of the humanly habitable parts, considering the world has turned to a waste land after the fifth world war in 2022. But now the beasts are taking over and invading the lands we had resevered for own. This is the end of the human race as is known."

" To who ever finds this message, Please send it to the highest known power available. Once it is their the following information must be broad-casted: The leader of this beast army is of a Female Beast named The Cadaric, or humanly called Jadia. She is of 5'8'', slender bulid, her beauty is flawless....she seems to look just like a normal teenage girl. but her eyes are what you must look out for. They are normally a dark purple or a dark blue, but when she is frightened or angry, they WILL change to a crystal light pink or a vibrant red. also, she has a tattoo on the top of the back of her neck and wing-shaped scares on her back. If you find her, [s]please[/s] destroy her at all costs, For she is the bringer of this new world. She will help kill everything you know. It might be better in say the history. Listen carefully, for it could very well save human kind as you know it."

Okay... Grammatical errors aside, this could use a little work. First of all, this is just cleverly veiled "telling". Show don't tell, my friend. Prologues, despite what you may have been told, are not meant to brief the reader about the backstory of a novel. A prologue is meant to capture a reader's interest and shove them into the story as violently as possible. Prologues should be gripping, exciting, interesting. This is just a history. Look at it this way. Suppose there was a non-fiction history textbook that I could pick up at the nearest bookstore having to do with the goings-on of your world. Could I read in that book what I could read here? Fiction is supposed to be character oriented. Not a shopping-list description of "a beast". I really don't care what this girl looks like. Moreover, I don't care how tall she is. A quick fix: cut out all the needless description about the beast girl. A better fix: rewrite to be more action/character oriented.

Besides what I've said, this piece is good. I'm surprised no one's taken a look at it before now...

-Kylan