Published March 26, 2007
Taken down due to publishing
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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130,613 Literary Works • 671,514 Reviews
Aww.
That's actually really sad. I was going to wait till tonight before I read more, but I couldn't resist lol. You conveyed your character's emotions really well. 
And I didn't find anything to be picky over lol. Now I think I'll give in and head to the next part. xD
Well, well, well, this story is intriguing. Why haven't I decided to read it till now? And I'm only at the beginning! I like the development of your characters and how there's humor intertwined with the drama. I like how it's all mixed together. I will definetly keep reading. You've got serious talent!
Edited
I included some new stuff in the previous chapter, the changing of Clarice to make this bit flow better, hope it works!
The end seems abrupt. You should add more detail to the actions of the father. Also you have no mention of Clarice and him fighting anywhere so it seemed abrupt what the father said. Otherwise, this was a really good piece.
Your should be you're
Other than that it was wonderful! I love what you're doing with this story and the way it's written is wonderful. I can really sense the characters emotions, and as a reader it really helps me get into the story.
Keep up the good work!!!!
-JC
That was Waaaayyyyy toooo short!
=[. i have really enoyed them and when i say the title i thought YAY. And it was enjoyable as always but like i said waaayyyy too short.
Anyway. It was good. Cheerio