Ice Cubes #28

by miyaviloves

Published May 21, 2007

Taken down due to publishing

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Insomnia
Review
Insomnia wrote a review Review · Jun 3, 2007

Okay, maybe Jamiy isn't going to get hurt... yet lol. This chapter was good, first time in a while that he actually looked like he could be happy.

“You actually came!”

I couldn't tell if he was amazed or teasing Jamie there. Oddly enough, it actually adds to the suspense. :)

its that annoying kind of rain that you can barely see,

*it's, and I love that rain! xD

“The grass feels nice when its wet doesn’t it?

*it's, again

you have you’re arms crossed

You're should be your :)

So no, it was not a waste.”

Just to make the dialogue more natural, you should probably put wasn't. Not actually wrong, but I guess I feel like being very thorough lol.

User avatar
JC
Comment
JC commented Comment · May 21, 2007

laughing at him,not with him


I gotta go, I'm in math right now, and shouldn't be on the comp....oh well!

Must. Eat. Food.


-JC

Jules the jester commented Comment · May 21, 2007

Thumbs up. Looking forward to more.

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miyaviloves
Comment
miyaviloves commented Comment · May 21, 2007

Wow quick replies! thankyou both!

Alainna - glad you are enjoying Ice Cubes! And I'm glad that you keep reviewing and giving advice, it meas a lot to me!

MB - thanks again!

Meevs
x

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M.B.Author
Comment
M.B.Author commented Comment · May 21, 2007

It was good. Keep up the good work.

-- M.B.Author

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Alainna
Review
Alainna wrote a review Review · May 21, 2007

WOW.........WOW...........WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

I love ice cubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

I was waiting for that kiss to happen, literally on the edge of my seat!!! I like the way they both got a little angry with each other at first, that is very real!!!

Can't wait for more!!!
Alainna
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I'm officially making it my goal in life to become a roomba. I want to be little robot. I want knives taped to me. I want to be free.
— TheMulticoloredCyr