Young Writers Society

Hey Meevs. It says that you won't be posting anymore, but I just seen 32 so I'll assume that didn't work out.

I think this one's been pointed out, but:

I was as think as a twig anyway,

*thin

I was scared of loosing my hair in my mid-thirties.

I notice a lot of people doing this so it might be a nationality thing, but should that be losing?

I was jealous that she was getting more looks from me.

That confused me a bit after the bit before it. But I don't know lol.

Alan floppy chin his laughing friends.

Maybe and his laughing friends?

something that collects all the dirt between your teeth, and you keep chewing it?

...and I never considered that lol.

Its like a giant mating stadium or something.

*It's

Yay for the big long chapter, longer than most I've read, I think. It was really good. And now I have disturbing images of stadiums in my head...

Good luck on the publishing thing. This piece was awesome, as usual. Though i think when you have Jamiy explain the whole dance thing, i think that you should also describe where Sappy is and what she is doing.

Yeah, uber awesomeness. I'm sure everybody will love it! But I wish I could continue reading it...*tears*

Good Luck!!!!!

-JC

Damn! I was looking forward to the next part

But on a brighter note. Good luck with getting it published.

Just so you all know, My Creative Writing teacher loved this and she is going to send it off to publishers! *gets nervous* So I won't be posting it anymore But i have already started like the next part, It's called Cupcakes and I have finished the first part soi look out for that!

Meevs
x

Another section to love, though it ended quite abruptly (I love the last line by the way).

The first paraghraph could be broken up into smaller sections. But I still love it just the way it is! As always =D

lemme know when you post the next part kk?? =D

-JC

I like the detail with the toenails, intriguing yet horrible at the same time!

Couple of grammatical errors:

I was as think as a twig anyway

I was jealous that she was getting more looks from me.