Young Writers Society

Hello! RandomTalks here with a review!

So this was an interesting short piece. It does not reveal much about the plot as it is so short but we get the distinct idea of where our main character Juno is coming from. It's a good way to make your readers curios and I already want to know what made her so desolate and unfeeling to the world around her.

"Juno is sad, she wants to feel something else than sadness, but she doesn't know how."

This first sentence feels a little disconnected, the words seem like they weren't meant to run together. I would suggest putting a full stop after 'sad' and breaking it up into two different sentences, so that it goes like this: 'Juno is sad. She wants to feel something else than sadness, but she doesn't know how.' You could also try breaking into paragraphs so that the text feels more attractive and reads more effective.

" So much unknown faces around her...."
'So much' is wrong English, it should be "so many unknown faces around her". The second part of the sentence suggests that whoever Juno is looking for among all the unknown faces around her is perhaps going to play a pivotal part in the story?

You have a solid base here, and I am interested to see where you take this, shall you wish to continue. I would personally like to know more about Juno, her background, and find out what has gotten her in that mood. Happy writing!

Hello! Happy review day from the Ruby Reviewers

You know, when I clicked on this, I wasn't expecting it to be so short. That being said, I do enjoy the conciseness of it. It's interesting; these minute stories usually don't work for me at all, but I feel intrigued by this one. I can say for certain that I like it in this format, and that's not the bit that I would change. But I have to review, so let's move on to the bits that I would change:

Sentence structure
I've been saying this a lot in my reviews lately, but it's extra important to you since your story is only a handful of sentences long! Pay attention to what you've written; adopt a blank mind and re-read it as a reader would -- you'll soon be able to spot the fallacies. Here's an example:

Juno is sad, she wants to feel something else than sadness, but she doesn't know how.

Juno is sad; she wants to feel something other than sadness, but she doesn't know how.

Juno is sad. She wants to feel something other than sadness, but she doesn't know how.

So much unknown faces around her, the one she's looking for has a boy wrapped around her finger tight.

Is the concrete gonna face her or is she gonna face the concrete ?

Hello there, Ox here for a review.

It's been a while so we'll see how this goes!

Firstly just a grammar suggestion, "Juno is sad, she wants to feel something else than sadness." You could change this to "Juno is sad. She wants to feel something else, anything else. But she is unaware how to." Separating this one sentence into three makes each statement just feels more impact, at least for me. This can be implied through most of the story.

Secondly, if you want to keep it as short as it is, perhaps a poem format could work better like

Sadness envelopes Juno
Anything else she cries
But no call responses
So she wander drunks

Ect ect, it could just make it feel a lot more cohesive as a piece, or you could turn it into start of a novel/short story. In fact if this became a dairy of someone named Juno and it is opening (so any grammar/spelling/ edits could be left out due to style) it could be interesting, even more than what you have. The ideas are interesting so keep up the great work!

Hope this helped,
Ox,

Hey!
I'm here to review! First i am going to point out some grammar mistakes, and then I'll give an overall opinion of this small introductory piece.

The comma after sad should be a semi-colon because semi-colons connect two complete sentences together, and commas add on phrases. The comma after now should be a semi-colon. The comma after time should be a semi-colon. The comma after her should be a semi-colon. There should be a comma after her in the last sentence, and there shouldn't be a space before the question mark.

With all that aside, I feel like this could be the beginning of a very interesting piece. It already has me intrigued about the main character, and i am sad it isn't longer. Maybe add some more description and show us her feelings rather than just telling them to us.

Thanks for the great read,
<3 Rascalover