Young Writers Society

Murphy here for a review. Let me start off by saying I admire your creativity with words. I think that speaks highly of your character. I like that the poem flows easily and is easy to read. It sounds like an angry poem. Like something major happened and you just hate everyone and everything right now. I think the a lot of people can relate to that.

I think the only thing is spelling. I suck with punctuations and spelling so I can't judge haha.

Lovely job!

Hello Izzy here for a review!
I really like this poem! The way you say it makes sense to me and that's rare haha.
I think Radrook covered the grammatical errors and misspellings, so I won't go over those.
Okay heres where I break this down. I'm not very good at it so bear with me...
I feel like this is partially angry and partially telling a very honest truth. I think my favorite line is "It scrutinises me with its secretive judgement."
I really like this but I'm afraid if I keep talking about it then I will totally miss the meaning.
Sorry for the bad review!
Izzy

Thanks for sharing. This poem definitely demonstrates that you are very skillful in the use of words.

Yes, I do feel that way many times. As if one is on a treadmill going nowhere fast. The frustrating thing about it is that as we seem to be standing still others go flying by waving goodbye at us without nary a care in the world. LOL!

Also, some opportunities aren't opportunities at all because they always seem to have a catch which makes it impossible for us to take full advantage of them. So I definitely get the meaning of this poem 100%.

These are my suggestions from one writer to another:

One thing we need to keep in mind as writers is that we are requesting that the reader give our writing respect and attention by investing some time in reading it. However, if the reader detects that we didn’t give our own writing time and attention then we have a serious problem.

For example, if we fail to use a spell checker, then he reader will wonder why and might conclude that we didn’t care about the piece enough to take the brief time needed so why should he.

Misspelled words:


heavensent = heaven-sent


judgement = judgement


fulfil = fulfill


Suggestion:

The word vivacious means full of life. “She’s a vivacious woman.” means that she is feisty and is mentioned as a compliment. I think what you meant is that demons are vicious. In Spanish “vida” means life.So it is safe to assume that the word has a Latin origin.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vivacious_Lady

Adjective


vivacious (comparative more vivacious, superlative most vivacious)


Lively and animated; full of life and energy.


https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/vivacious

First, thanks for sharing:


Since I'm not familiar with the game Doki Doki I can't very well determine how well the poem describes what is going on in the game. However, there are certain things that as a reader I am able to point out:


One thing to keep in mind as a writer is that we are requesting that the reader give our writing respect and attention by investing some time in reading it. However, if the reader detects that the writer himself didn’t give his own writing time and attention then we have a serious problem. You did not pass this through a spell checker. The reader will wonder why and might conclude that you didn’t care about the piece enough to take the brief time needed and ask: Why should he?

Misspelled words:

heavensent = heaven-sent

judgement = judgement

fulfil = fulfill

Suggestion:
The word vivacious means full of life. “She’s a vivacious woman.” means that she is feisty and is mentioned as a compliment. I think what you meant is that demons are vicious. In Spanish “vida” means life. So it is safe to assume that the word has a Latin origin.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vivacious_Lady

Adjective
vivacious (comparative more vivacious, superlative most vivacious)
Lively and animated; full of life and energy.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/vivacious