Published October 31, 2007
"Dreams"
Staying up at night-
waiting for a dream to come-
yet drifting away.
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Canary word: Present
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that is because it is a haiku!
haiku's are hard. What is helping me with Haiku's is remembering where they originated, which is China and were used to express the beauty of nature.
My advice would be to describe the beauty of a dream. What is it that keeps one waiting on a dream? It's hard to do in 17 syllables but not impossible.
-bobiscool134
Um...
I'll go easy on you cause you're new.
Well...?
So short and pointless, no offence.
There is a lot of potential and you are not using it.
Just keep on working on this.It will become a great poem.
short and sweet, i like it.
kim
Personally, I find this poem to be one of the best haikus I have read in a while.
I have to ask because I don't know, obviously. Why do you have to ask?
Why do you have to even ask? By the way Mitch I love the poem...it also went really well in our Celebration of Hope booklet. See you in 5th.
Not necessarily. The whole structure of a haiku revolves around imagery, because it's too short to have much of anything else. Otherwise there isn't much of a point to it.
And what in earth is a peacemaster of panzee?
Yeah alright whatever you say man. It is a haiku and it isn't going to have whatever you need to get what you want. PEACE MASTER OF PANZEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its a haiku there isnt much space or syllables for too much. i like it but that is my opinion.
Hello Mitch, welcome to YWS. ^_^
We have a policy ... rule ... thing ... here, in that you should review other's work before posting your own. This helps to ensure that we don't end up with more items than we do reviews.
In regards to the poem itself - I'm afraid it doesn't do anything for me. There's no feeling or emotion to the poem, nor any great imagery.