Published August 20, 2007
Okay, so I've made an RPG website, and now I need to advertise it, right? So I schlapped together an ad, and I would like to know how to improve it. Here it is:
Allow your imagination to run wild, and become an entirely different person in a world where dry land is only a myth, and salty sea water stretches as far as the eye can behold and beyond. The polar ice-caps have melted, and the Earth is engulfed in water, causing many humans to mutate into growing fins and gills to adapt to their new environment, but “normal humans” hate, shun and attempt to kill what they consider to be unnatural creatures.
Destiny and Fate can be believed in by weaker mortals but they have no place here, where you survive only by the raw, animalistic instinct you are born with. A handful of precious soil is more valuable than gold, and men go mad after wasting their entire life searching for the Dry Land. Can you survive the prejudices, droughts, starvation, and greediness of the Water World?
Now, how could I make it so people are enthralled and just have to click the little link below it? You know you want to help me. Right? 
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Oh, well, it's www.waterworld33.proboards92.com Nope, nada downloading.
wow thats soooo good i think i'll go play it give me the link (if there is no downloaing involved
)
Thanks you guys! That was very helpful. Oh, and little tin fish, I thought you said that the website was "pretty dead".
Oh, the days when I used to RP. I might join you know, see if I can't get back into the swing of things.
That, I think, works well, capitalising Dry Land, to make it seem more like a myth than something that's really there.
The problem I have with this Ad is that it doesn't seem to have a plot, I mean, you mention all that jazz, and it does sound pretty interesting, but my first reaction was 'yeah, and?'. If you mentioned something of the main plotline behind it, like the big story, I think more people might be interested.
More of a personal point, I don't like it when RP adds say you, but I think that might just be me ><"
But the website is dead pretty, so I think once people click they might be more likely to join.
And I guess your reverse psycology could always snatch up a few more people
Commas followed by the word "And" never work. May I suggest:
"Allow your imagination to run wild, become an entirely different person in a world where dry land is only a myth, a world where salty sea water stretches as far as the eye can see."
Even then, the sentence is a bit long, but at least it's tidy.
Also, if you want people to visit it the site, give them a reason why. For instance, perhaps rephrase the first sentence so it sounds as if they would benefit from the website.
"Long for a chance to let your imagination soar but can't find a release?"
That sort of thing...