nah, I know you're not trying to criticize or anything.
The Confused Princess
By Anna Nolte
Once upon a time, there was a very, very confused princess, who could never make up her mind. Whether it was deciding to have roast duck or stuffed goose, or choosing to have the blue silk or the pink satin made into a dress, she could not settle on one or the other.
The worst thing about it is that whenever she tried to explain to the cook or the seamstress why she couldn’t decide, they would become dizzy. Literally.
Eventually, after talking herself blue in the face, she would become lightheaded. Then she would ask the maid to fetch her smelling salts; but it would take the giddy maid so long to fetch the salts that by the time she came back, the princess would be fine.
One day it came to her attention that one of the servants had brought one of their friend’s relatives to live with them in the servant’s quarters. Of course, this was unacceptable and the princess had to get someone to shoo the beggar out, and decided that there was no better person to do the job than herself.
So after donning her finest and most stately clothes, she marched right up to the filthy servants quarters and knocked on the servant’s wooden door. As it was later found out, the giddy maid who had been so useless during the princess’s spells of dizziness occupied the room, and she had sneaked her friend’s old grandmother into her room and had been stealing food to provide for the old woman.
As soon as the giddy maid had opened the door and it had been established that her mistress was very displeased by this conniving that had taken place, the giddy maid fled the room from humiliation of being found out.
Unfortunately this left the princess in the room with only an old woman who was diligently knitting, to blame for this horrendous outrage. The princess moved in front of the old woman.
“I suppose you know how terribly in the wrong you are.” The princess said, hoping she looked incredibly regal, and that she might be mistaken for a queen. The old woman never even looked up, and didn't even stop her knitting!
“Of course I do my dear, but are you going to throw a poor old widow like me out of this splendid palace into the kind of rainy weather outside?”
The princess turned a little pink.
“Well…I-I don’t k-know…” she stuttered, trying to decide what to do, “look here, you’re just trying to confuse me, an-and it’s not going to work! B-Because you know I get confused easily and can never make up my mind, and I know that you know that I get confused easily so it’s not going work!” Suddenly the princess put a dramatic hand on her forehead, and closed her eyes as if feeling unsteady.
After a few minutes of silence passed, the princess slowly pried one eye open to sneak a glance at the old woman. She hadn’t seemed the least bit fazed and didn’t even show that she had seen the her distress.
“Don’t you feel the least bit confused?” The princess asked in a stern voice, rapidly cured of her spell. The old woman never stopped knitting but she did look up with a sensible look on her face.
“’Course not,” she said, snorting in a very unladylike way. The princess was amazed.
“Well, it is a funny thing, for I do not feel the least bit lightheaded either. Perhaps you could stay, I don’t really see what the harm in it,” the princess said brightly.
“Gu’day to ya then,” The old woman said calmly.
“Good day!” And with that, a much happier princess walked lightly out the room. On her way she met the maid, she wished her a very nice day indeed."
As the weeks turned into months and months turned into years, the unusual relationship grew, and fairly soon the princess came to talk about everything with her wise friend. Time passed quickly and almost before she knew it, the princess’s 18th birthday was the very next day, and on that day, as it was custom, she would choose a husband. A merchant, to be more specific. It was never really told why it would have to be a merchant, but it was suspected it was so the poorer people would not feel estranged from their rulers.
However, why the rule was made was not important, whom she would choose was the really significant subject. She took the question to the wise woman she had met before. As soon as the old lady heard the princess ask her whom she thought she should marry, she, for the first time since they had met, stopped knitting. The clickety-clacking was no longer heard, and there was a most alarming silence.
She must have sensed the princess’s discomfort, for as suddenly as she had stopped knitting, she resumed it.
“The baker.” She said thoughtfully.
“Hmm…” mused the princess, “why the baker? What’s wrong with the blacksmith?”
“Oh the baker’s a fine man, ’course the blacksmith may be strong and handsome, but that head on his shoulder has vibrated once too often from swinging that large hammer of his, besides, the baker is a handsome also, and sensitive. Yes, the baker would be a fine match.” Said the old woman evenly.
“Oh, I suppose your right, as always.”
And so it was that the next day she married the baker, and they ended up very well suited for each other, while the blacksmith, on the other hand, married the giddy maid, and they were well suited also.
After being married and happily settled down for quite some time, the princess brought her husband along when visiting the old woman. The moment he entered the servants quarters a grin broke out on his face and the old woman’s eyes twinkled like never before.
Then he said two words that made sense of everything.
“Hello mother.”
Nobody's trying to come down on the story, atariel, just trying to give her some constructive feedback. It's a cute story. 
OK PEOPLE!!! PLEASE! Can I say to mr purple balloon or whomever, no offense, but lighten up?! Good lord. I thought the dizziness of the people the princess was explaining to gave the story some punch. This isn't the traditional princess story, OBVIOUSLY. And yes, that one sentance was a MAJOR r-o, but geez.
The thing with the baker being the old woman's son was a bit obvious to me, but then I'm freakishly good at anticipating where someone's going with something.
I thought it was a truly amusing story, and 'twould make an ideal childrens' book lol.
Thank you for the feedback...at least someone enjoyed it. (Not that I didn't appreciate the other critiques, it's just that it's nice to know someone like it, right?)
I love fairy tales, so I enjoyed this piece a lot. You followed the fairy tale format to some extent, but since you didn't use any magical elements, it might almost be called a folk tale. I guess the dizziness the princess experienced might be called a magical element, because it could be the result of some spell, but since its origin was never explained, nor did it seem very important after the first of the story, it kind of faded away.
At the beginning I was a little thrown off, because it seemed like the princess was indecisive, not confused. She did get confused later on when she was speaking to the old woman, but in the beginning she was unable to make decisions, not confused about anything.
The only big thing that I can think of that would really improve the tale is some kind of moral that makes the story more timeless, if you will, something to connect it more to our own time.
Maybe I'm missing something here, but the only moral I can think of is, "Be nice to old, wise women, even if they confuse you, because they might have a son who's a really good-looking baker with a great personality and you could get married!" Not that that wouldn't be a sweet deal or anything, but I'm just saying.
A couple of other errors/suggestions that I had:
The moment he entered the servants quarters a grin broke out on his face and the old woman's eyes twinkled like never before.
"The baker." She said thoughtfully.
"Oh the baker's a fine man, course the blacksmith may be strong and handsome, but that head on his shoulder has vibrated once too often from swinging that large hammer of his, besides, the baker is a handsome also, and sensitive. Yes, the baker would be a fine match." Said the old woman evenly.
"Oh, I suppose your right, as always."
Time passed quickly and almost before she knew it, the princess's 18th birthday was the very next day, and on that day, as it was custom, she would choose a husband.
The worst thing about it is that whenever she tried to explain to the cook or the seamstress why she couldn't decide, they would become dizzy. Literally.
Eventually, after talking herself blue in the face, she would become lightheaded. Then she would ask the maid to fetch her smelling salts; but it would take the giddy maid so long to fetch the salts that by the time she came back, the princess would be fine.
Once upon a time, there was a very, very confused princess, who could never make up her mind.
ANI wrote:Phorcys wrote:Then you review it before posting. Simple. No excuses please lol
Ooo... we really have a strict teacher here,lol.
Phorcys wrote:Then you review it before posting. Simple. No excuses please lol
misspriss wrote:I was kinda rushed when I made it, thank you for the feedback!
Phorcys said it all. I have nothing to add,w ith the exception that I had o make myself read it.
Note: I am not saying that your writing is rubbish, NO! If you work on it a little more and follow Phorcys's instruction, I am sure it will be truned into a great tale.
Once upon a time, there was a very, very confused princess, who could never make up her mind. Whether it was deciding to have roast duck or stuffed goose, or choosing to have the blue silk or the pink satin made into a dress, she could not settle on one or the other.
The worst thing about it is that whenever she tried to explain to the cook or the seamstress why she couldn’t decide, they would get dizzy. Literally.
Eventually, after talking herself blue in the face, she herself would become lightheaded and would have to ask the maid who was eavesdropping to fetch her smelling salts, but it would then take the giddy maid so long to go fetch the salts on wobbly knee’s that by the time she came back, the princess would be fine.
On day it came to her attention that one of the servants had brought one of their friend’s relatives to live with them in the servant’s quarters. Of course, this was unacceptable and the princess had to get someone to shoo the beggar out, and decided that there was no better person to do the job then herself.
So after donning her finest and most stately clothes,
she marched right up to the filthy servants quarters and knocked on the servant’s wooden door. As it was later found out, the giddy maid who had been so useless during the princess’s spells of dizziness occupied the room, and she had snuck her friend’s old grandmother into her room and had been stealing food to provide for the old woman.
As soon as the giddy maid had opened the door and it had been established that her mistress was very displeased by this conniving that had taken place, the giddy maid fled the room from humiliation of being found out.
Unfortunately this left the princess in the room with only an old woman who was diligently knitting, to blame for this horrendous outrage. The princess carefully moved in front of the old woman.
“I suppose you know how terribly in the wrong you have been.”
The old woman never even looked up, much less stopped her furious knitting.
After a few minutes of silence passed, the princess slowly pried one eye open to sneak a glance at the old woman. She hadn’t seemed the least bit fazed and didn’t even show that she had seen the princess’s distress.
“Well, ‘tis a funny thing, for I do not feel the least bit lightheaded either. Perhaps you could stay, I don’t really see what the harm in it,” the princess said brightly.
On her way, she met and wished, the purely astonished maid, a very nice day.
As the weeks turned into months and months turned into a year, the unusual relationship grew, and fairly soon the princess came to talk about everything with her wise friend. Time passed quickly and almost before she knew it, the princess’s 18th birthday was the very next day, and on that day, as it was custom, she would choose a husband. A commoner, to be more specific. It was never really told why it would have to be a commoner, but it was suspected it was so the poorer people would not feel estranged from their rulers.
However, why the rule was made was not important, whom she would choose was the really significant subject, and she brought that question to the wise old lady.
“The baker.” She said thoughtfully.
“Hmm…” mused the princess, “why the baker? What’s wrong with the blacksmith?”
“Oh the baker’s a fine man, ’course the blacksmith may be strong and handsome, but that head on his shoulder has vibrated once too often from swinging that large hammer of his, besides, the baker is a handsome also, and sensitive. Yes, the baker would be a fine match.” Said the old woman evenly.
After being married and happily settled down for quite some time, the princess brought her husband along when visiting the old woman. The moment he entered the servants quarters a grin broke out on his face and the old woman’s eyes twinkled like never before. Then he said two words that made sense of everything.
“Hello mother.”
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