Ode to the Hill Under the Stars

by misslindseyk
  • February 20, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Other

O
How you
Beckon me;
O
How you
Call to me;
O
How twilight
Dances upon your
Derelict surface.

The moonlight
Caresses your
Every feature.
The stars wink
And smile
Down at your face
While a slight wind
Bustles through
Your hair—intoxicating
Me with the warm chill
Of a fresh night.

You are pure
And infinite.
Whilst resting upon your bosom,
The heavens glance
Down into my soul
And fill me with wonder.
I lay in
The in-between.
The never changing,
The never ending,
Surreal landscape
Shaped from my dreams
And formed in my Reality.

O
How I am
born anew whilst tucked in
By your tender embrace.
I am at peace.
My mind is set free
When you calm my
Tensed nerves and
Evaporate my troubles
With your serene tranquility.
Enveloped by darkness,
I feast on the moonlight
And become one with the
Hill under the stars.

Comments & reviews · 2
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misslindseyk Comment
misslindseyk commented · Sat Feb 20, 2010 9:54 pm

Many thanks for your review!

Do you recommend that I combine the "O" lines with their respective next lines (ex: O, how you...) or do you advise me to take them out completely to better the overall flow and appeal of the poem? I added the "O" at specified points in my poem to satisfy the rules of my assignment, so I hold no real strong attachment to them in regards to this piece.

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Tenyo
Review
Tenyo wrote a review · Sat Feb 20, 2010 9:05 pm

The "O" Thing isn't really working for me. Maybe it's the technique, maybe it's just the big hole-shape on the page, but it just doesn't look pretty. The verse is also quite inconsistant with the rest of the poem.

"How twilight / Dances upon your / Derelict surface." - Beautiful description, it creates quite a vivid image, and the aliteration sounds nice.

The whole thing is quite beautiful actually. I got the impression of a child growing up with many fond memories in this place, and turning into an adult. It's quite captivating. I genuinely enjoyed reading this. Keep it up :)



the crickets are humongous
— snapshot