Published February 20, 2010
O
How you
Beckon me;
O
How you
Call to me;
O
How twilight
Dances upon your
Derelict surface.
The moonlight
Caresses your
Every feature.
The stars wink
And smile
Down at your face
While a slight wind
Bustles through
Your hair—intoxicating
Me with the warm chill
Of a fresh night.
You are pure
And infinite.
Whilst resting upon your bosom,
The heavens glance
Down into my soul
And fill me with wonder.
I lay in
The in-between.
The never changing,
The never ending,
Surreal landscape
Shaped from my dreams
And formed in my Reality.
O
How I am
born anew whilst tucked in
By your tender embrace.
I am at peace.
My mind is set free
When you calm my
Tensed nerves and
Evaporate my troubles
With your serene tranquility.
Enveloped by darkness,
I feast on the moonlight
And become one with the
Hill under the stars.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Many thanks for your review!
Do you recommend that I combine the "O" lines with their respective next lines (ex: O, how you...) or do you advise me to take them out completely to better the overall flow and appeal of the poem? I added the "O" at specified points in my poem to satisfy the rules of my assignment, so I hold no real strong attachment to them in regards to this piece.
The "O" Thing isn't really working for me. Maybe it's the technique, maybe it's just the big hole-shape on the page, but it just doesn't look pretty. The verse is also quite inconsistant with the rest of the poem.
"How twilight / Dances upon your / Derelict surface." - Beautiful description, it creates quite a vivid image, and the aliteration sounds nice.
The whole thing is quite beautiful actually. I got the impression of a child growing up with many fond memories in this place, and turning into an adult. It's quite captivating. I genuinely enjoyed reading this. Keep it up