Published August 8, 2009
living in a world where people just don't get it
wishing they would just understand
but i like the way i'm living it
all the mystery, karma, and hope
the ways i seem to cope with things
how each day always brings something new
many friends, turn to a few
i learn more about who i am everyday
everything being harder to suceed at
now easier to fall flat
living in a world where people just don't get it
wishing they would just understand
but i like the way i'm living it
everyday a new oppurtunity comes
some are once in a lifetime
some are always there to grab ahold of
each mind set on a particular goal
each heart set to one soul
living in a world where people just don't get it
wishing they would just understand
but i love the way i'm living it.
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141,617 Literary Works • 675,172 Reviews
Thanks for the tips, I'll be sure to capitalize.
As for the metaphors and whatnot, I kept this poem bland
for a reason. I understand how I could make it more powerful,
but I want it to be simple. That's what I was aiming for.
Hi Julie, Izzy again. Just giving you a quick review
Firstly I shall tell you what EllyMelly told me;
[So all of your lines should be have a capital at the beginning
The thing I would work on is your imagery. Your lines are wording are pretty subjective and bland (no offense), if your writing about your life surley there should be more passion, more color. There are hadly any metaphors or similies in here, sometimes you can portray a simple boring line in a beautiful interesting way.
For example;
Johnny held her hand tightly.
You could put;
Johnny squeezed her hand for dear life
Yes I know, it's a cliche but it's just an example.
Again, feel free to PM me with questions,
Izzy