Extraordinary: Chapter 1

Oooh I'm super excited for this story!
Maybe try to describe the character a bit more? I didn't know it was a girl until I read the description, and still don't know what she looks like.
But besides that, I *really* enjoyed this!! I didn't see any errors either I'm super excited to see whats going to come out of this

I really enjoyed your story. I didn't notice any errors so that's good. Keep going I like it!

your story needs more description really then you'll be in good besides the mistakes with your tenses which to be honest i have problems with that too, but when you read over it you should catch them. i did like this story it's something i'd like to read haha yeah i'm a real sucker for romances bust overall good

3rd Paragraph:

miserysbestfriend wrote:This was one of the perks of coming to class early, I get to choose which seat I want.

miserysbestfriend wrote: It’s been only a week since school started, and the classes were already kinda boring.

miserysbestfriend wrote: As most people zoned out or passed notes to each other, I actually listened to what the teacher was saying, because I, unlike most people, give a damn about my grades.

miserysbestfriend wrote:See, I’m not exactly a straight-A nerd, but I keep good grades. I mean, I have no social life so what better to do than study, right? It’s not that I’m complaining, I actually like studying and learning new things, even if they’re boring. I’m weird like that.

miserysbestfriend wrote:But this boy, I haven’t seen him before.

Revisions in red, comments in blue

With a backpack slung over my shoulder and a heavy textbook in my arm, I walked to my first class; History. As usual, I was the first one in the classroom. I didn’t have a reason to hang around in the hallways, as most people do, in between classes; they talked to their friends or their certainspecialwould perhaps be a better word choice than certain, but it's up to you someones, neither of which I had for that last suggestion:maybe. not positive. the sentence is a tad iffy to me..

I wasn’t completely friendless though; I had a few acquaintances that liked to keep me company during lunch on occassion, but I wouldn’t call them my friends So you say you he isn't friendless, but he can't call them his friends? Perhaps change it from completely friendless to: a complete loner or outcast, take your pick.. I mean, we never hung out outside of school, I didn’t even have their phone numbers. I wasn’t unhappy though; I liked living in solitude.

I sat at the back of the class, one of the perks of coming to class early. I get to choose which seat I want. just omit that sentence completely, the reader will understand what you mean Mrs. Doe, the teacher, looked up at me and smiled. I was fond of her, and she liked me because I both didn’t cause trouble in her class and passed assignments and papers in on time.

Start with a new line for everytime a person speaksI smiled back and politely muttered 'Goodmorning.’

It’s been only a week since school started, and the classes are already kind of boring. That’s saying something coming from me, who's the most boring person on this planet, according to my brother.

I don’t think I’m boring though, people only think that because they don’t get to know me...or I don’t let them get to know me.

Soon after, people started filling up the room, seeing as the bell already rang. Mrs. Doe started her discussion about the Cold war, I sat up straight and took out my notebook to , obviously, saying obviously will mostly be okay, but with certain pieces, the reader may feel as if the writer finds them stupid, so just be careful with that. take notes. As most people zoned out or passed notes to each other, I actually listened to what the teacher was saying, because I, unlike most people, give a damn about my grades.


See, I’m not exactly a straight-A nerd, but I keep good grades. I mean, I have no social life, so what better to do than study, right? It’s not that I’m complaining, I actually like studying and learning new things, even if they’re boring. I’m weird like that.

About ten minutes into the discussion, the door swung open and in walked a boy, flushed and has obviously been running. It wasn’t much of a surprise since people came in late all the time during first period.

But this boy, I haven’t seen him before.

He apologized to Mrs. Doe, explaining that he was a new student and got lost. I stared at him as he pushed the damp hair out of his eyes.

Damn, he was beautiful

Hey! Lollipopper here to review.
This piece was very short, might I say. I mean, seems like a prologue or something, so that's fine, but the point is there isn't much I can pick out. That's a good thing!
This already sounds kind of boring. No offense, I just think you need description. It's a plain soup that needs some spice.
And, like Lava said, it really is cliche. I would suggest adding some plot twists later on in the story. Add the unexpected!
Other than that, I think you're good! This actually was a pretty good piece. Congrats and keep me posted:)

--Lollipopper

Thank you for your criticism.
I appreciate it, and I'll try to make the next chapter better

Hello there!

Welcome to YWS!

Do you like writing romance? I sort of do. Anyway, onto the review now. ^^

With a backpack slung over my shoulder and a heavy textbook in my arm, I walked to my first class; History. As usual, I was the first one in the classroom. I didn’t have a reason to hang around in the hallways as most people do in between classes; they talked to their friends or their certain someones, I had neither.

and the classes were already kinda boring.

He apologized to Mrs. Doe, explaining that he was a new student and got lost. I stared at him as he pushed the damp hair out of his eyes.

Damn, he was beautiful