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Please help me with my story descriptions

by minttea


Superstar

Mia is a huge fan of Kyle, a member of her favorite band, Superstar.

She wishes and daydreams to meet him in person someday.

Her super popular and instant hit novel, My Superstar, is her only way to fulfill her daydreams.

Will Kyle and Mia finally meet?

Wallflower Boy

Arthur, a wallflower, a shy and an introvert, doesn’t know that fate leads him to a different path. That’s meeting the beautiful girl by the bus. He knows that he’s got to believe that destiny will lead the way. But will he ever see her again?

Spring Fling

Lynn didn’t expect that Ross, the most popular and hottest guy in school, will ask her to dance with him on Spring Fling.

Knowing his bad reputation of being a heart breaker, she keeps avoiding him and prefers to stay away.

But that wasn’t what destiny wants. Slowly, Lynn sees the good side about Ross. He isn’t the bad guy everyone thinks he is.

Ross seems seriously in love with her, but is it all just a facade? Will she listen to what’s in her head or just follow her heart?

Letters of Love

Patrick always knew that Lindsey is his one and only love. That’s until they start a long distance relationship. Far from her, he sends her letters, but for some unknown reason, she doesn’t respond. He asks himself if he will finally let go?

Music Path

Angelo is excited to go to his dream University because it has all what a musician dream of, a recording studio, and a huge concert hall. As his heart been broken by his girlfriend, Zendaya, what could possibly happen? Will music be a path to mend his broken heart?

Erase

A tragic accident resulted for Gab to be in a coma. Her classmates who were mean to him, tries to renew their friendship. Can they mend and fix what's in the past?

His Secret

Johnny, Sandra's new neighbor got her attention. Not only he’s cute, but by coincidence, they are classmates at school, and they’re in the same drama club. Plus, it couldn’t erase the fact that they’re neighbors! But he seems to be hiding something. Sandra decides she has to find a way to know his secret.

Let me know your suggestions and advice for my story descriptions on how to improve them.

Also, I'm curious to know, which among these stories has the best title and has the most interesting story description?

Thank you so much!


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Wed Sep 30, 2020 3:51 pm
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Lia5Giba wrote a review...



Hi! I saw this and although you already seem to have a lot of feedback, I figured I'd add what I think. Hopefully it's not too repetitive. :D

I thought that you have a lot of interesting ideas. I'm not the biggest fan of romance books, which seems to be most of these here, but that's just my personal bias. And I have liked some romance books in the past--very much so, actually. With the right chemistry, flowing writing, and plenty of feels, even I can enjoy a good romance.

The story I personally found the most interesting was "Erase." The title drew me in right away. And the plot seems interesting and compelling. A character named Gab is hospitalized, put in a coma, prompting her bullies to mend their ways.... There are so many perspectives you could have, so many different ways it could go, so much potential character development. It makes me excited just thinking about it!

Though I am a bit confused by one thing... how can the bullies remedy their relationship with Gab if Gab is in a coma?

Okay! So what I'm going to do for the rest of this review is take each blurb you've created and evaluate them one by one.

Let's look at Superstar.

Mia is a huge fan of Kyle, a member of her favorite band, Superstar.

She wishes and daydreams to meet him in person someday.

Her super popular and instant hit novel, My Superstar, is her only way to fulfill her daydreams.

Will Kyle and Mia finally meet?

Okay. What I like about this is that a clear character is established. Mia has a dream, maybe what some would call a celebrity crush. She seems like a character you could build on. That's good.

However, I think there's some things you could change in the wording of your blurb. For starters, "Her super popular and instant hit novel, My Superstar," is a bit of a stretch. From what I can tell, Mia is a teenager, probably not super old. Because of this, her book is probably just an online book on a site like Wattpad. I find it hard to believe that this novel, this sort-of fanfiction, is "super popular" and a "instant hit." How many other girls are writing books like these? If Superstar is a popular band, then I bet a lot. So why is Mia's particular book, one of tens of thousands on an online site, suddenly super-duper popular? You could show how Mia's book slowly gains popularity, but based on my experience with online writing sites, I doubt it would be an instant hit right off the bat.

I feel like this could be a good short story idea, but not something for a whole novel. This is a story about a girl who daydreams about a guy, then eventually meets that guy in real life. There's a disconnect between Mia writing her daydreams down and her actually going to see Kyle. Why would that happen? Would Kyle notice the book that Mia wrote (one out of tens of thousands, let me remind you) and invite her to meet him? Is that how the story in your mind goes? That's one plotline, maybe, and not a very long one. So I think this could be a short story, but not necessarily a whole novel. If you wanted it to be longer, add in more plotlines and conflicts. For example, maybe Mia's celebrity crush on Kyle is becoming an obsession, and she's spending more time daydreaming than actually spending time with the friends and family she already has. That could be a completely different theme and topic than what I think you're going for, but that's one alternative to make this idea more interesting.

Wallflower Boy
Arthur, a wallflower, a shy and an introvert, doesn’t know that fate leads him to a different path. That’s meeting the beautiful girl by the bus. He knows that he’s got to believe that destiny will lead the way. But will he ever see her again?

Ah. A romance. Welp, Arthur sounds like there could be some character development. He's the typical wallflower, as you said. "A shy and an introvert." (That's some funky grammar, by the way. :D) The general idea seems a little bit generic to me, but who knows? There are so many different places you could take this.

I do have criticisms. First of all, he doesn't need to trust destiny, unless that's one of his internal character values. But you don't establish that in this blurb, so it just sounds... eh. Plus, the plotline is... he's just waiting to see this girl again? While interacting with others? I get that this could be a slice-of-life thing, with the "beautiful girl" acting as a foil for him to grow, which is actually a really interesting idea. I just wish you'd put that more into words here. This could be a heck of a lot more than just a simple romance story, if you play your cards right. You could see Arthur blossom from "Wallflower Boy" into something, someone, completely new. This could be a novel.

Spring Fling
Lynn didn’t expect that Ross, the most popular and hottest guy in school, will ask her to dance with him on Spring Fling.

Knowing his bad reputation of being a heart breaker, she keeps avoiding him and prefers to stay away.

But that wasn’t what destiny wants. Slowly, Lynn sees the good side about Ross. He isn’t the bad guy everyone thinks he is.

Ross seems seriously in love with her, but is it all just a facade? Will she listen to what’s in her head or just follow her heart?

(Again with the destiny. It's okay not to have everything relate to destiny. I don't believe in destiny, so it irks me personally just a teensy bit.)

Okay, so good stuff first. It seems like something a lot of people would like. Ross and Lynn have the potential to be really compelling. This plotline has been done a lot, though, so if you want to make this unique you'll have to find a special angle for this story.

But I don't see anything from Ross' point of view. It's all about Lynn's perception of Ross. Which I suppose is okay, but it's very one-sided, and stories are nearly always more compelling with multiple perspectives. And to add to that, I don't get a sense of Lynn's character at all. Is she in high school? Middle school? Is she popular, a loner? What's her outlook on life? Does she even like Ross, given his reputation? Does she even like the Spring Fling as an event? Give us information! Though don't give us an exposition dump. Those tend to be boring.

Maybe something like this, hypothetically:
Lynn is a loner at school, always keeping well away from the center of attention. So when Ross, the most popular (and admittedly ultra-hot) guy in school asks her to dance at the Spring Fling, she's surprised... to say the least.

Knowing his reputation as a heart breaker, Lynn turns down Ross' invitation and tries to avoid him, but as circumstances continue to bring them together, Lynn begins to see a completely different side of Ross. He's not the bad guy everyone thinks he is.

Ross may have a reputation, but what's the truth? Will Lynn listen to what's in her head...or just follow her heart?

How's that for a bit more compelling?

Letters of Love
Patrick always knew that Lindsey is his one and only love. That’s until they start a long distance relationship. Far from her, he sends her letters, but for some unknown reason, she doesn’t respond. He asks himself if he will finally let go?

This seems, again, like more of a short story than a novel or a full book. There is a conflict, though, that you could build on. One question: why would Patrick think about "letting go" of his relationship just because Lindsey isn't sending any letters back? What about Patrick doing a phone call? Why letters between the two instead of FaceTimes or texting? I have found the solution to Patrick's problem in record time. You now have very little story. Yayyyyyy.

I'm just saying... unless this is set back in later times... why would Patrick have this problem? And why would he immediately start thinking about breaking it off?

Music Path
Angelo is excited to go to his dream University because it has all what a musician dream of, a recording studio, and a huge concert hall. As his heart been broken by his girlfriend, Zendaya, what could possibly happen? Will music be a path to mend his broken heart?

Very minor thing right off the bat: Zendaya might seem like a cool name (and it is), but Zendaya is already someone's professional name. I might use something different, just to avoid confusion, and all that jazz... maybe? I don't know.

I don't see much of a plot in this story. Angelo has just broken up with his girl and now he's going to university. Great. But what else? I'm sure that he's going to get over his breakup. People get over their breakups. If Angelo didn't get over his breakup, he'd probably push himself to the edge with drinks and suicidal thoughts. That's dark. I don't know if you want this story to go in that direction. So... I think I already know how this story is going to end. Angelo's going to get over his breakup. That's not good. You don't want people to know how the story will end.

That plot goes little to nowhere. How about this plot: Fresh out of high school, Angelo is about to attend the university of his dreams. The school has everything a musician like Angelo could ever want--professional recording studios, brilliant teachers and like-minded classmates, a huge concert hall--but with face-paced classes and a completely new environment, Angelo struggles to stay afloat. On top of it all, his mind keeps going back to his ex, (insert girl's name here). With her, Angelo was the happiest he had ever been--until the day she broke his heart.

Now, in a new environment and struggling to adjust, Angelo has to choose: Go home to (insert girl's name here) and attempt to salvage the life he once had... or stay and discover a new path for himself.

It sounds more compelling, right? (Right? Please? I tried...) Just add in some more conflict.

I already talked about Erase, so Imma go to the last one:

His Secret
Johnny, Sandra's new neighbor got her attention. Not only he’s cute, but by coincidence, they are classmates at school, and they’re in the same drama club. Plus, it couldn’t erase the fact that they’re neighbors! But he seems to be hiding something. Sandra decides she has to find a way to know his secret.

I think this also could be interesting, if you play with it the right way. Though I must say, a cute brooding boy in all this girl's classes and also her neighbor and fate is cOnNeCtInG them, having a sEcReT? I have seen that done before. So you'll have to work to make it unique. I also think you could present that he has a secret in a different way. I don't have an example for you this time, though, because I feel like you could figure it out on your own.

I hope that this helped. I'm sorry it was long, and if this was mean or condescending in any way I truly apologize. Sometimes I am that way without meaning to be, and if I was, I promise that I didn't mean it.

I think these all these ideas really do have potential. Take what you think was helpful, and disregard the rest. :D



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minttea says...


Hi, Lia, thank you so much for your advice, suggestions, and for giving some examples for my blurbs. I'll definitely follow your advice and suggestions. They're really helpful. Thank you that you find Erase the most intriguing. I'll definitely keep in mind all your comments, suggestions, and advice. :D :) <3



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Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:52 pm
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Greetings! I'm happy to help by reviewing your ideas.

The first thing I want to say is that I noticed some grammatical errors that could be improved, and if you get those polished up, the story plots you're suggesting could be more catchy. Make sure you're fresh on proper sentence structure, verb usage, etc. It's not like you totally slaughtered your grammar, but there could be some improvements.

That being said, I do think some of these stories have appeal. There is possible potential behind each one. However, you pretty much give away the plot in your short descriptions. If you're thinking of these descriptions as the summaries that would be found on the back of a book, I'd definitely suggest adding some flavor with your wording and veiling some of the details so there is a sense of mystery, or a "teaser," as I believe someone has already said. I personally can pretty easily guess what will probably be the outcome of, like, every one of these stories. Maybe you have more in mind for them than what is described here, but I definitely think these sound like your pretty generic YA stories, making them more or less predictable, especially "Spring Fling."

Okay, so I must commend the plot in "Letters of Love." While it's not an especially catchy title, I feel like it definitely has some potential. This is, in my opinion, an exception to the predictable, generic YA story.

"Erase" sounds like it could go some really great places. I feel like there could be some really valuable lessons woven into it.

Your description of "Music Path" was a little confusing to me. First it sounds like the main character's life is taking a positive turn, then it sounds like something bad is impending, and then once again, it sounds promising. While this could be a great attention-getter, I'd suggest thinking a way to word it differently.

I commend you for your many ideas! Unfortunately I can't analyze your skill as a writer just by these descriptions, but I hope YWS will be a great place for you to build your talent.



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minttea says...


Hi, Winny, thank you for your comments for each of my blurbs. I'll definitely keep your comments in mind. I'll try to rewrite each blurb until I get it right. :D



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Tue Sep 29, 2020 4:21 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hello there!

I'm Lee. Welcome to the site!

Anyway, you want suggestions and advice, so here I am. I'm also going to be completely honest with you about what I think, but don't hold the criticisms to heart; they're my opinions. That said, I am not a fan of books that fit only into the YA romance genre, bu I'll keep the review unbiased.

Looking at the overall thing,I'm interested, but these are all different stories.

So I'm going to look at each one and say what I think.

"Superstar" seems to be interesting, but I suggest you do NOT begin with Mia's novel becoming an instant success. That takes away half the potential conflict. This is also my favourite story idea and has the best title.

"Wallflower Boy" is... creepy? I'm sorry, but having a serious crush and talking about "destiny" and "fate" when the main character (MC from now) just met the "love of their life" is just really messed up.


Spring Fling is the typical good-girl-meets-bad-boy-but-bad-boy-is-actually-good story you can find on Wattpad. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but that's the truth. This storyline feels generic and unoriginal.

"Letters of Love" is a fairly interesting story as far as I know. It's also rather original. The title seems mushy though.

"Music Path" has a non-appealing title but a seemingly solid, good idea behind it.

"Erase" - Some grammatical mistakes in the description. I'll fix them:

Her classmates who were mean to her try to develop a friendship.

I used develop because they were mean to Gab. You have not mentioned that they were friends before, which makes "renew" the wrong word to use.
Also, you just said "Her" then went to "him." What gender does Gab identify with?

"His Secret" - Generic title, a story that may be appealing to some. To me it's mildly interesting.

I'd like to see some LGBT+ romance, but that is purely my opinion.

Well, that's all for now. I hope to find out that you worked on these ideas :D

See you around!

- Lee



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minttea says...


Hi, Lee,
Thank you so much for your honest comments, suggestions and advice for my blurbs. I'll keep them in mind as I rewrite each of them. I'll definitely think of a better title for some of my stories. :D



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Tue Sep 29, 2020 12:11 pm
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Haileyg21 says...



These are all pretty good. I think mia and Kyles could use alittle work. How about a little teaser to the reader about how mia reacts to meeting kyle or kyle to her....



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minttea says...


Thank you, Hailey! :D I'll rewrite the blurb for superstar and keep your comment in mind. :D



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Tue Sep 29, 2020 12:05 pm
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ChrisDixon wrote a review...



Hi, minttea! I saw this and thought to give it a review.
This is whatsoever well written though I must say I have some suggestions here. Sorry for being a tad blunt I'm kind of busy and needless to say don't have much time.

So off with the mistakes!

But that wasn’t what destiny wants. Slowly, Lynn sees the good side about Ross. He isn’t the bad guy everyone thinks he is.
Ross seems seriously in love with her, but is it all just a facade? Will she listen to what’s in her head or just follow her heart?


You could use "of" rather than "about Ross".

A tragic accident resulted for Gab to be in a coma. Her classmates who were mean to him, tries to renew their friendship. Can they mend and fix what's in the past?

You don't nesscerily need a comma after "him".

I enjoyed reading the description though I would suggest you describe more with words with meanings, not just he will do this and he is thinking of things. And as a writer even it if its a short summary of something I would suggest you talk about how he/she feel about it not just what it was and how he is.

I think the one with the interesting story description is "Spring Fling" and the most interesting is "Letters of Love". What interesting titles and descriptions you have here!
The one with the most fantastic title is "Wallflower Boy" in my opionion.

One more thing, I think you spelled "His Secret" when it's supposed to be "He's Secret."

Overall, this is quite a collection of ideas here. May I ask are these going to be flash fiction, short story, or chapter books, chapter books published in parts, chapter books published in chapters? Just curious.

Hope you have a wonderful day!
Happy RevMo!

Keep up the beautiful writings!

Your Reviewer,
Chris



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minttea says...


Hi, Chris,

Happy RevMo Mont too! :) Thank you so much for your suggestions and advice for each of my blurbs. Thank you also for mentioning the grammar errors. I'll definitely fix them as I edit and rewrite the blurbs/story descriptions. Some of these are short stories and the others are novellas. I'm still currently writing them during my free time. Hope you have a wonderful day too! :D



ChrisDixon says...


You're welcome! I'd love to read the writings as soon as you post them! Can you link me when you post them? Is that asking too much?

Hope you have a lot of free time!
Keep on writing!


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minttea says...


Sure! I'll definitely send you the link when I post my stories. :) Take care always and stay safe always %uD83D%uDC95



ChrisDixon says...


Thank you! You too!
Have a nice day!




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