It all started on the day fire rained from the sky.
Ash and I were lying on the white sand beach, watching the stars and waiting for a spectacular sight. It couldn’t have been more perfect. Ash held me in his strong, warm arms and had pulled a blanket over the two of us for protection against the cool late winter night. The meteor shower was coming tonight any minute now. The beach was a private beach, owned by one of those rich families (like mine). Ash and I trespassed for privacy and thought it’d be fun. It was very much fun. It was like sneaking over the border. I now know how a Mexican feels.
I wasn’t even supposed to be out. That’s the fun part. I’m going against my father’s will. Thanks to the Cat (aka Eva), I was able to escape. She was able to charm my dad’s mirror. My dad has this mirror that he can see where I’m at 24/7. It’s useful to him when he leaves and goes up to Lightbank for work. It works like those hidden cameras you see in secret agent movies.
Yes, I said charm. Eva is a shape-shifter. Like most “mythical creatures,” she can wield magic like me and everyone else in the Hidden. She’s the best person to get in or out of anywhere. She trained herself in a way so that she can do anything and get away with it. Whether its locks or cameras or traps, she can do it all. She’s sneaky, but not quite like the Fox (aka Demetria). Demetria is very witty and cunning. She’s stronger than Eva physically, mentally, and magically. But she doesn’t even compare to the Dragon (aka Haley). Haley’s the ringleader. She runs the whole show. She tops the Cat, but I am indeed, the weakest. I’m at the bottom. I’m the omega. Haley is soaring high at the top. Haley’s the strongest. Haley is the alpha.
I turned and looked at Ash. He smiled at me and immediately my throat began to close. We were meant to be together, even if it meant that my dad hates Ash. I was, indeed, a daddy’s girl. Although it killed me to go behind his back, it was all worth it to be with Ash. But then there’s the guilt. The guilt seeped into me each and every day. Ash is normal. Ash is human. Here in Summermont, everyone is normal, human. I’ve prayed that I could be human too, so Ash and I can grow old together and die together. But that’s not how life works. My heart longs for him and to just come clean. Tell him that my mom is only half human or my dad is the reason that the moon rises at night. It killed me. I couldn’t even apologize.
The wind blew through our hair, but not as much as it would have if we stood. Ash’s shaggy dark hair was blown back away from his beautiful face. His deep blue eyes were so soft towards me. They told everything. It showed the pain of the loss of his mother at a young age. It showed the pain of his older brother leaving for the military and eventually being killed. But it also showed the happiness. Somehow, I was able to bring him happiness. It didn’t make much sense, but it pleased me to know that he was as happy as I was. It showed the gratitude he gives for his father. He was grateful that his father raised him all by himself and put him first.
His dazzling white smile was genuine. His smile would just make me melt. He had braces as a kid like me. It really paid off for him. His smile could woo any girl. It sure wooed me. He was taller than me. Everyone was taller than me. I’m a real shorty. He took my breath away everyday and I always wonder how he’s all mine.
“Hey, are you okay?” He asked.
“Yeah. Fine.” I replied, “Why?”
“You just look like you’re in deep thought. Are you thinking about your dad?”
“Yeah, a little. What if we get caught? He’ll skin me alive.”
“He’ll have to go through me first.” Ash kissed my head. My face immediately felt hot. I thought I was going to pass out. As you may have picked up, I enjoy my time without my dad. My father was strict, and he really lays down the law. He is a powerful man. He’s like the king’s little henchmen. He makes sure that the representatives are doing their job properly. He does other secret stuff the king asks him and keeps Earth in check with the humans and nonhumans. Since Earth is the most popular place for nonhumans to interact with humans, my dad has double the work. But his office is in Lightbank, which is the big world where they all meet. In Lightbank, he can see everything he would like to see. If he sees something he doesn’t like or is against the law, they go to him first. He has a busy job, but when he’s at home, he grounds me for all the things he sees me do with Ash.
My dad is your typical dad. He is overprotective of his daughter. Since I’m his only daughter and his sons are dead, he’s extra overprotective. He makes surprise visits and catches me with Ash. He grounds me some more, and prevents me from seeing Ash. But I’ve lately been obedient girl and now, I’m not grounded anymore. I probably just ruined that tonight.
There is always a form of power or government wherever you go. It may be strong or weak, but it’s there. There are hidden dimensions. They are hidden worlds to the humans that can be accessed through the basic magic and the gates of the human world. There are many different kinds of worlds you can think of. But with all the worlds and all the people, there is chaos if there was no government. Most of the worlds have fallen due to chaos, but few have survived and thrived and the government has been established. The system kind of works like this: with the remaining worlds, there are one or two “representatives.” All of the representatives form the Ring. Their job is to meet with the other representatives of the other worlds and the head of the Ring and discuss the issues in that world. The head of the Ring is like the king of all of the worlds and even the human world. He keeps the balance. He decides and enforces all the issues that there are in the worlds. He mostly focuses on the issues between the humans and nonhumans.
“This lighting is so terrible.” He went on.
“It’s just the moon and stars and us.” I pointed out, “Why do you need more?”
“Because I want to see your beautiful face better.” My face was getting hotter and hotter. I couldn’t control it. It has its own mind, which is kind of annoying. My face turns crimson and hot. It turns so hot, I almost pass out.
“Look! There’s Camelopardalis.” I pointed into the sky towards the faint constellation of the giraffe. I had to change the subject. If Ash had continued to compliment me, I’d probably faint. He was too good for me. I don’t deserve any of this.
“Camelo—what?” He asked, confused.
“Camelopardalis. It’s the constellation of the giraffe. It’s right by the Big and Little Dipper.” Ash squinted his eyes. I had this weird night-vision where I can see clearly in the night.
“Yeah, I see it.” No, he doesn’t. I wasn’t mad that he lied. He was just confused and didn’t see it. But he didn’t want me to keep explaining and pointing so he just gave up. We all do it. The first meteor streaked the dark night sky with a bright light.
“Whoa! Look! There! It’s starting.” Ash pointed. I smiled and realized that our breaths can be seen in the night. The night was filled with lights streaking the sky, but then something struck me. The lights were green. During meteor showers, the streaks are usually yellow or white. But it was an unusual green. More and more fell, and grew a darker and darker shade of green. I looked at Ash, but his gaze was fixed on the sight.
And they crashed into Earth.
Ash and I watched them crash into the sea. Then, they crashed around us, creating a green fire. It was in full blaze. There was a strong blue smoke that filled my lungs quickly. I coughed and coughed, gasping for sweet air, but there was none. I felt this sense of deja vu. It was a strong wave that this has happened to me before, but I don't recall anything like this happening.
“Ash!” I called for.
More meteors crashed. I jumped out of the way, grabbing Ash. I started to run, but the meteors began to follow me. They predicted my move and blocked it.
“This…way…” Ash was coughing too. The burning in my eyes was becoming too much. I wasn’t going to make it out. I’d surely trip and fall and lose Ash. I had to save Ash. We had to get out of here. It’d be easier for me if I flew, but then Ash would find out that I’m part angel.
A meteor crashed beside me. The impact sent me flying across the sand into the flames of another. The waves of the sea crashed onto me and put out the fire on me. As the sea pulled away, it pulled me with it. My mind was spinning. The ice-cold water was a real wake up call. It stung every inch of my skin on contact to the point where I cried out in pain. Salt water went up my nose and mouth. I swam for the surface, but waves crashed over me. I couldn’t see anything. Water replaced the air in my lungs. My head was going to split open from the salt water going up my nose. I gagged, but the water continued to fill me.
Ash was faintly calling for me, but it grew quieter. Ah, screw it.
My dark blue wings unfurled fully and with one great big flap, I was breathing blue smoke. I coughed and gagged. The smoke burned my throat and eyes. I couldn’t fly that well because my wings are soaking. They were slowly drying from all the fire around me. Ash was fighting his way through the fire, but he wasn’t going to make it. He was already on fire. In horror, a scream escaped from me. I flew to him, but the heavy weight of water brought me down. My feet grazed the water as I forced myself up. My wings felt so much heavier and I was losing energy from all the strength I’m using to keep myself up. Some feathers stuck to my damp back. This annoyed me. They tickled me yet made it itchy.
The sweet scent of blue smoke was too sweet for anyone to handle. I kept gagging. I forced myself in the sky and it had been successful, but now I just had to stay up here. Meteors crashed around me. I narrowly dodge and make my way to Ash. I fly under a falling meteor and the white-hot fire grazed my feathers. I yelped in pain and dipped my wing into the ocean. I had let gravity pull myself too quickly and I crashed into the raging ocean.
With another great flap, I was in the smoke again. I kept flapping my wings to clear the air. But all of the smoke and fire and meteors is overwhelming me. My heart was pumping so fast to keep up. My ears were throbbing from it. I shook my head and soldiered on. I finally had Ash in my arms. He appeared to be knocked out. He wasn’t too heavy. I was naturally strong.
But he was on fire.
I dropped him into the sea. It was an accident. He slipped from my fingers and his weight seemed to be heavier than what it seems like. My arms were screaming in pain and my burned wing. I didn’t even take a deep breath of air. I dove into the water head first and without a second thought. I’m killing the man I love. I really don’t deserve him.
My body collided with his. It sent a huge shock throughout my entire body and a ringing to my ears. I grabbed his hair and pulled him out. He was still unconscious. Great. I heaved him into my arms and lifted into the sky somehow. We were going to be okay. I could get us home, away from the burning city. The cries of the people on the ground broke my heart, but Ash was my priority.
I carried him and narrowly dodged most of the meteors. I’ve never felt so close to death before. I’ve had guns pointed to my head, but I’ve never been so close to death in my life. My breaths were becoming short and raspy. Every breath I breathed burned and scratched my throat. I wasn’t sure if I was soaked in my own salty sweat and tears, or the salty water of the ocean. The meteor shower was over.
Or so I thought.
One last meteor collided with my entire body. I screamed in pain as the fire burned through my skin and seeped into Ash and I. Together, we plummeted into the ocean.
I felt the touch of his cool skin against mine one last time until we both went under.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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I like it. It's emotive, your language is good and I can't fault your grammar or spelling. I could really feel Mayflower's (I assume that's the name of the protagonist) pain as Ash died in front of her. Your descriptions were superb and it was a genuine pleasure to read.
The only thing I could pick on was your use of tense. It seems to change randomly and it kind of bogged me down sometimes. For example,
"Meteors crashed around me. I narrowly dodge and make my way to Ash. I fly under a falling meteor and the white-hot fire grazed my feathers."
You switch between present and past tenses erratically and it's quite...disturbing. No, that's the wrong word, but it does make me feel strange when I read it. You should write it as either,
"Meteors crashed around me. I narrowly dodged and made my way to Ash. I flew under a falling meteor and the white-hot fire grazed my feathers."
, in the past tense, or as,
"Meteors crash around me. I narrowly dodge and make my way to Ash. I fly under a falling meteor and the white-hot fire grazes my feathers."
, in the present tense. See how it flows better than the first one?
Apart from that, it was a remarkable piece. Keep it up!