Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
My old legs hurt as I gaze around while one of Satan’s son’s swings away, putting pressure on my ancient aching bones. It’s the same old scene. It’s another Saturday afternoon, a second troublesome crowd have arrived after watching the first screening of ‘Spiderman’. If only they had spider powers – they could hang onto walls instead of slamming their smelly behinds onto my seat. They hang in-groups of 10 or 15, screaming, shouting and just generally making a racket. There is rubbish everywhere, burger cases on the floor, melted cheese stuck to the bins and greasy fingers everywhere. I can see all the people here – there are parents sitting with their children treating them to a meal with a FREE TOY! I watch as they observe their children with obvious disgust as they smear their face with chocolate, tomato sauce and anything they can get their grubby little hands on. My back aches as teenagers and immature adults alike swing on only two legs. If only that wrapper was nearer maybe I would ‘accidentally’ slip on it and, if I’m lucky, knock out the culprit – or at least teach them a lesson or two.
Well this is quite an interesting start here. I am loving the progression that we have going on here. Its setting up quite an interesting scene here and I am loving the description here. Its really carrying this piece up front here by creating a very clear picture for us readers to be working with here. The thoughts of our character here adds on quite nicely to it as well to make things a bit more exciting and I'm excited to see where this will take us.
I can see children in the Birthday corner attempting to throw rubbish into the bin, but always missing. And not only that but the rubbish is just left there, literally millimetres away from the bin. But ‘Oh No!’ God forbid if they would get off their smug little bums and place their litter neatly in the mouth of the Bin!
I can see the total annoyance on the faces of the employees as they wonder around with their mop or broom just sweeping the dirt around making little mountains of dust and left over food – which is just waiting for some unsuspecting victim to trip and fall on.
Couples wonder in and out, kissing between bites of ‘Grease Burgers’ or ‘fat on a bun’. Disgusting! Sometimes the rubbish isn’t really that bad but the smell can be overwhelming. It just lingers around. The smell of sweaty people, soggy chips or gone off milkshake. It’s enough to make any chair creak!
Well the description is certainly working overtime on this one and as a short story its so far doing a really good job here of simply telling us a story through that. Given how short this piece also happens to be, it seems this is a somewhat of a more observational piece than anything with a plot and for that particular style, this works out really well so far.
Gherkins and courgettes hang precariously on the edge of the bin lid or threaten to drop on my beloved upholstery!
I go through this torture day after day as I witness disturbing amounts of food which just narrowly misses the bin, or watch the smiles diminish off the faces of the staff.
There is only so much we chairs can take and we are very close to the edge so next time you go to a fast food outlet beware – us chairs may just ‘snap’ on you!
Oooh well that reveal does work perfectly in time with the style here...and I love the way that wraps this piece up. It makes this more observational perspective make a whole lot more sense that way and ultimately I think it all comes together very nicely as a result. On the whole, its a very simple piece and I think it does what it sets out to do pretty well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.