Hello YWS. This, it seems, will be my first poetry posting on the site. A year ago, I hated the idea of poetry and only wrote when forced. A few months ago, I still wasn't a fan. AP English, however, has changed my opinion of it completely (Robert Browning must have that effect on people), and now I feel I've come to understand poetry enough to be comfortable posting something I've written.
My peers in my creative writing class liked this one, but I can't help but wonder how it will hold up in front of a broader, more critique-experienced audience. And that brings me here. I hope you like it.
It's entitled Oh Glory of Glories, and it is based off a painting. I'd describe the painting to you, but if you can't imagine it yourself through my words, then it seems I've failed.
Thanks for reading.
Oh glory of Glories!
by mikedb1492, your local inkfish
I dip the rag in
my belt-strapped pail, then
lather the window
while gripping the rail,
and wipe,
wipe with the squeegee,
drawing a viewport down the calcium-crust glass.
Alas!
Such pure light to be spent,
where no happiness went,
into the office of Mister Rockwell,
so plain, so boring, a doldrum well.
Yet beyond him, what be this?
Shining in eye,
an angel’s visage, so exquisite I’ll die!
With a head of fire cropped in a bun,
and baby blush cheeks, envied by the sun,
her dress skirt tucking just above the knees,
the reason for these
feelings that flutter
from stomach to chest.
Speaking of chest, Cupid’s done the rest,
with her five buttons unbuttoned and parted to side,
my eyes go wide,
my feelings can’t hide.
She peeks from her pad, she catches my glance,
Oh glory of glories this is my chance!
Though through glass I be muted, I cannot speak,
so I give her a smile, and one big
wink.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Gaw, and you hated poetry! This is fantastic! You were very correct; the painting is easy to picture. Your emotional descriptions are great also.
I especially love the last line, "so I give her a smile, adn one big wink." Genius!
Loved it! I loved the meter, the rhymes, the wonderful voice you've created. And the end was hilarious.
It can be difficult to write in the style that you chose without it coming across as forced or ridiculous, and yet you pulled it off magnificently.
The only things I would mention are that the rhythm is a liiittle bit shaky in some parts, and some phrases such as "Shining in eye" required a second reading for me to get it. That might just be me though; it's a Sunday morning.
Excellent debut into the poetry world; I am without a doubt looking forward to reading more from you.
And sorry for the useless review; I just kind of gushed. But it's awesome. c:
-Coral-