Published October 29, 2008
our love will no longer descend to the deepest depths,
as long as you care,
and love,
and be kind,
as long as you no longer commit sins,
or crimes,
our love will strenghthen,
and descand up, up, up and ,up.
as long as you keep those qualities, our love will be fine,
and will not descend to the deepest depths.
qualities.
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141,313 Literary Works • 674,343 Reviews
Hey there!
Interesting Poem.
However, I feel the emotions and ideas are too scattered in this poem. It's almost confusing. Work out your ideas and think about what is it exactly you want to get across your poem. After reading it I felt no emotions, nothing. It didn't really mean much to me.
Try showing the emotions through your words rather then telling. At this stage your poem is pretty flat. Work a bit more on it, flesh it out, get in touch with the things you're trying to convey though this poem. And write it with feeling!
I hope this helps. PM me if you need help.