My heart hurts to the deepest depths,
because that you have left.
Now my heart is filled with anguish and fear,
because I have no one to protect me my dear.
I feel like a soul that has no life,
because I am lonely because of you,
you.
"Remain calm even, if it seems hopeless"
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,854 Reviews
this is too short to be really original, and is a very used idea. anguish and heartbreak = been done to death.
im breaking out the tough love on you, your writing isn't bad, but try and come up with a more creative idea to base a poem on, something a bit more complex.
what really moves you? what things do you think are beautiful? what frustrates you, or puzzles you?
Poems about anger, heartbreak, sadness or love have to have amazing use of language to make an impact, and this seemed very blunt.
Okay! I did mean to critique this, but for some reason I was lazy and didn't want to type up a critique. I know, isn't that terrible? Instead, I videotaped myself reading your poem and giving a critique instead. Also! My brother (he's known as Griffinkeeper) helped me out. So both of us are reading your poem and commenting. Hopefully that will help.
You can see the video at: http://revver.com/video/1279810/affilia ... -my-heart/
It might be kind of harsh, but we love you?
Anyway, if you have trouble getting to the site or can't watch the video, PM me and I'll type it up. ^^ But really, the video is rated G, so no worries about that!
such anger
Say what? i didnt understand that much at all....i got it a little but there's nothing to it...you could try adding a reason or a background to it to make it a little more understandable...it's a good piece but it has no reason or meaning because it's very hard to understand
*Moved to Dramatic Poetry*
I like this alot Its very creative. Good job.
now Im not really sure but itsn't this like a free style form of poetry?
Any who I like the message it conveys and how the last line repeats the last word of the second to last line.