Hello! So I got the inspiration for this poem when my friends and I were taking pictures in this graveyard (as creepy as that sounds, that graveyard is actually a beautiful place) and wind started to blow through this pine tree that we were standing under. My friend pointed out that it sounded like the tree was whispering, so I thought that would make a cool topic for a poem.
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140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hello!
ok, critique #1. Please reduce the font size. I had to zoom out to read this poem in any comprehensible way. I don't really see why you need it to be a picture, as there really isn't any fancy formatting at all. Just use YWS's text editor. That should make everything fine!
In regards to the poem itself, it has good images but... I don't know what it is. The tone feels too much like it's trying to be poetic I guess? Maybe not that. I just feel like there's this beautiful image, but you're adding so much to it, almost forcing the meaning on it, and at the same time, I feel like you use cliche, overused phrases.
I guess I just sort of felt "blah" afterwords, and nothing really sticks with me after I read it. Perhaps if you condensed this image into a really, really short poem (maybe like 4 lines or something) it might have a really nice charm.
As it is, it's definitely not bad, but it's not really memorable.
I'm sorry I can't help you further. If you'd like to have a discussion or something about it sometime so I can maybe get my sentiments across in a clearer manner, let me know! I'm not sure how exactly to tell you how this poem falls short of my standards of poetry without a two-way discussion.
Anyway, I hope this helped you at least somewhat!
Good job, and keep writing!
~fortis
Hey, midnightdreary! Storm here for a review this fine Review Day, so let's jump right into it!
Waits for what? I'm not sure that this is the best opening to your poem as you never explain what the pine is waiting for. If the pine isn't awaiting something, I would recommend that you change it to 'stands' or something of that ilk.
This makes it seem like the wind is excited to meet the tree. I'm not sure that it's what you were going for when you wrote this.
This is a good line, but 'it's' is wrong. When you use an apostrophe like that, you're saying 'it is' instead of the fact that the needles are the tree's. Its is the correct form.
I don't know that this needed to be its own line. It doesn't have any special emotional impact, so there's no reason for this one word to have its own line.
Again, this gives the wind some personality, which I'm not sure if you meant to do that.
Overall, this poem was well written. You had some nice imagery, but using unique and specific words would amp that up a lot more. There wasn't any emotion in this piece, and I didn't leave feeling any certain way.
Feel free to reply to this review or to pm me if you have any questions.
~Storm
It's so nice to see people get inspirations from so many different things around them.
I loved how you creating such a nice concept.
This poem is beautifully written.
You can get inspirations to write from every huge thing or a tiny thing.
Keep writing. Good luck.
It's so nice to see people get inspirations from so many different things around them.
I loved how you creating such a nice concept.
This poem is beautifully written.
You can get inspirations to write from every huge thing or a tiny thing.
Keep writing. Good luck.
Thank you! I'm happy you enjoyed the poem.
Very nice
Thank you!
Beautiful! Definitely caught my attention! I love the mystery of it. I love how you grab the readers attention, and how draw the reader in. I could hear the pine trees, I could picture the scene. I love the flow, love the way you wrote it. I look forward to more like this! I like the second verse the best.
"The wind rushes to the tree,
And it's needles begin to speak,
They tell the secrets of the past,
Secrets of those who cared to stop,
And whisper back."
Keep writing!
Thank you! I'm glad you liked the poem.