Those cold nights without you are back. When the air is crisp and dry, but your lips are moist. The only warmth I can get is when I hold hand, you seem to melt away the part of me thats always frozen. Like when the spring comes and melts away the snow that the cold Winter leaves behind. The part that never really leaves me but when i'm with you I let go of everything. We slowly seem to drift apart like a rope thats slowly tearing strand by strand inch by inch how long is this rope going to last. I want to sit next to u with my head on your shoulder, letting go of the tears and sorrows that I keep away frozen within me. The tears, they turn to ice and they ring when they touch the ground but you had to leave me and I understood. You had to you didn't want to. You left and you took part of me with you. The part that made me complete.... I let you have it because you were so unique. I couldn't replace u in my heart...
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
ok i revised it and edited it hope its better. ^.^
heh yeah grammar wasnt always my strong point like i really suck at english. -.- but ill work on it thank you
First off, you need to work on your grammar and formatting. Try shortening up your lines and splitting your poem into stanzas. This will make it easier for the reader to understand and just looks better. Not only that, but if you format your poem in a intelligent manner, it can also enhance the meaning of the poem.
Also, you have a lot of grammar and punctuation mistakes. Be sure to fix those before posting pieces for review, as they're distracting and make it seem like you put very little effort into the poem. It would also be a huge help if you typed out full words instead of using text-speak like "u" instead of "you".
For me, the little bits of imagery and metaphor were the best parts of your poem. I especially liked the use of the rope falling apart strand by strand. Try developing those aspects of your writing, as they will make it more interesting.
If you have any questions, or want more in-depth suggestions, feel free to PM me.
Keep writing
LITTLE cliche, but if you really worked on it and organizd it, it could be great
im srry but this poem is not great, ur grammar is horrible and ur sentences are too long, it feels as though u put in no effort wat so ever