Whipping boy of the World.

Hey there Methrirr, I am Lilcanich, and I will be reviewing your poem for you today.

First things first, I have read the poem several times, and I really does move me. I feel the emotional intensity in each line. I really did enjoy the poem, and on with the review.

"They see me cry, and feel pity.
But I wish not their pity.
They see me bleed, and feel guilty.
But they are not to blame.
They count my scars, and are worried.
But it is none of their concern.
They see me break, and are frightened.
But they have nothing to fear."

This first stanza stands on its own. It holds a decisive pattern of They...and...But.. which really intrigues me, as most repetition tends to be somewhat useless and meaningless, but I feel that without the repetitive nature of the lines, some of the message would be lost. The only thing this stanza lacks would be a rhyme scheme, but that is a purely optional endeavor, which, in my mind, would detract from the true nature of this poem.

"For I weep not for myself,
but for those who aren't heeded.
I bleed not from my wounds,
but from those of the real victims.
The scars on my back are not mine,
but those of the tortured and maimed,
And I do not break under my own stresses,
nor under those of the world."

Once again, the second stanza is strong and powerful. The boy in the poem is now more of a person than a concept, and the reader begins to feel empathy with him, wishing to save him from the pain. The descriptiveness is not so much imagery as it is description, but it suits the lines very well. That being said, I would look at the last two lines of this stanza, as I question the usage of nor when the word neither was not included.

"As a mountain stands against the wind,
Defiant and strong and enduring,
Whose hide is carved by rivers,
gouged by lakes,
Battered by stones,
and torn by trees."

Your third stanza of the poem has a definite change in tone. It may not seem obvious, but the length of each line shrinking causes the reader to see them as more important, because they somehow deviate from the norm. This stanza is a simile for the boy's will and living testament, how he will remain regardless of the torture or pain he feels. hat being said, the word Battered should not have been capitalized, as it was part of the same string of thought as the rest of the boy's hide.

"So do I stand against evil,
Defiant when matched with defeat,
my soul worn, my heart heavy,
the only vessel of pain that shares
the tortured wails of the world.
and worse yet,
the tormented ones beaten silent."

This final stanza is the only stanza that confuses me. The first line feels like it belongs in the previous stanza, whereas the rest of the stanza has a completely different feel to it. It does have heart in it, and overall it is a very suiting conclusion to such a moving poem. I especially enjoyed the symmetry of the second line, as it is a perfect mirror for itself, allowing it to roll of the tongue and lips easily. My only concern on this line is again an issue of capitalization, or lack thereof. I believe that the word and should be capitalized, as it follows the laws of grammar like the rest of the poem.

Overall, I felt very moved by this poem, as it reminded me of a certain character from a short story I once read. It was named "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas" by Ursula K. Le Guin. The similarity of your poem to the story is as follows:
"In the story, Omelas is a utopian city of happiness and delight, whose inhabitants are intelligent and cultured. Everything about Omelas is pleasing, except for the city's one atrocity: the good fortune of Omelas requires that a single unfortunate child be kept in perpetual filth, darkness and misery, and that all her citizens should be told of this upon coming of age."

Ultimately, your writing style was pleasant to my eyes and ears, and besides the minor changes I have recommended, the poem was nearly flawless.

One thing to keep in mind is that I am not you; therefore, I do not know what your true intentions were for each line. All I can say is that I pointed out what few flaws I noticed, and analyzed the poem to the best of my ability.

If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or flames, feel free to reply or PM me. Keep on writing, and we'll stay in touch.

~Lilcanich

This a fantastic piece of poetry.I loved reading it.The only thing which I felt missing, was the word 'neither' in the second last line of the second stanza.You could have written 'neither I break under.........nor ........world.But nevertheless you have done a great job.Keep writing.

Bravo! You just earned an A+ from me! This poem is marvelous! Simply beautiful. I love the way the narrator expresses his or her life in which he or she absorbs the sorrow, torture, and the hell that other have gone through. All to free them from their horrible curse. That is the feeling I got from reading this poem. Keep up the good work Methrirr. You have got some serious talent. Thank you for distributing this wonderful poem into our society.

Looks like I am the only one still reviewing... That kind of worries me, considering they are missing out on some of the most amazing work. Like this one for example, the way you use metaphors is incredible! I wish more people would start reviewing again.

But okay, first thing is first, I really enjoyed this piece. I would like to suggest one alteration in the second stanza first though. You say:

"The scars on my back are not mine,"

In my opinion it would sound better and make it a little clearer for the reader if you said:

"The scars you see are not mine,"

Also, the "B" in "Battered" shouldn't be capitalized, and the "D"'s in "Defiant" shouldn't be either. I really loved the last stanza, it really pulled this piece together and you ended with such a fantastic line! To be completely honest though, my favorite line would have to be "defiant when matched with defeat" it just makes me smile because the whole last stanza talks about not giving up even when it is getting ugly.

I really hope to see more work from you! You have found yourself a new follower too.
~Skye~