I am wary
Of the sun,
That great, furious eye,
Dragging itself across
The vault of the heavens,
As though it drifted
In a great blue ocean,
Its gaze fixed enviously
On the land below,
As it blazes across the sky,
It’s radiant heat
Like the burning heart
Of a hateful giant.
~
For it is that hateful stare,
That horrible fiery gaze,
That will destroy the earth.
The great eye in the ocean,
Heavens great blue ocean,
Will one day see blood.
~
The blood of the earth
As it is scorched and burnt,
And its ashes are swept
From the universe like dust.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
That was a beautiful poem. It was very intense, and I loved the way that you said the red giant/sun had an eye! I REALLY love the way you said that you were wary of the sun and gave a list of reasons in the form of this poem. You are a BRILLIANT poet and I advise that you keep writing.
Hello! I'm gonna review this poem for ya! (shamelessly writes more words for more points, hey, I wanna post something
)
I love the intensity of this!
"Dragging itself across
The vault of the heavens,"
-
"That horrible fiery gaze,"
-
"Heaven's great blue ocean,
will one day see blood."
-
"And it's ashes are swept
From the universe like dust."
-
These are, in my opinion, the best lines of the poem. They are created with such imagery, I can paint a picture of what you're describing in my mind. Well done!
One thing I noticed is some lines have commas, some don't, some have periods. Create structure with your punctuation.
Other than that, well done! I can't wait to see what you do next!
lemme know when you make that post!
Sure
Just 50 more points and it'll be up hopefully! (If I can find where the darn paper went...)
... thank you?
Hello there! IronSpark here for another review.
This is an intense poem. I especially like the lines "Dragging itself across/The vault of the heavens,"
However, some of your punctuation and capitalization can be awkward, as well as your line breaks. I would suggest not capitalizing every line and going back over with an editor's eyes. One example of this would be: "The great eye in the ocean,/Heavens great blue ocean,/Will one day see blood." This is a confusing couple of lines.
Overall, great poem--very intense!
-IronSpark
My computer is wierd. It capitalizes the beginning of each line. Further, it doesn't let me format my poems, which is the purpose of those squiggly lines. I thank you for taking the time to read my poem