Pitty not those lost in the Dragon's cave.

They came clad in gleaming steel armor, scratched from climbing the mountain to the mouth of my cave. There were a hundred soldiers, men bent upon the razing of my flesh and the theft of my gold.

"Beast! Your life has since ended, and here your soul rots among your gold and jewels, stolen from our people a thousand years past! Today we avenge the deaths of our kin!" Said a particularly gallant one, hefting his sword left and right in both hands, eyes blazing with hate. He rent a deep gash in my stomach, which bled like a waterfall. I smote him on the side of the cave with a claw, and flew up through the top of the mountain, to spew fire on the wretched thieves, the murderers, the men... Dozens fell before me, but they took all of my treasure, my hard earned treasure, destroying my nest, my eggs... none survived. And there was nothing I could do. Again and again I blew fire untill my fangs burned with such intensity that I dare not breath again. Still they came, spears sailing up at me. One connected with my eye, and I was blind. Their arrows soared past me, many piercing my stomach. I watched as they destroyed the last of my eggs, using their torches to burn the unborn dragonlings. I flew away weakly, defeated.

I fled the mountain bristling with arrows, one in my neck, and several in my underbelly. A spear hit my eye, putting it out permanently. By now the shock has worn off and the pain is registering. I howl in agony, as the fire within me dies down, dimming to a faint glow. i must rest I thought. And so I did.

The next day I was in throbbing pain. O would not have slept, if it weren't for my weakness. One of my feet had a bolt in it I hadn't noticed earlier, and in my sleep I pushed it in further, so I can not use it to walk. I cannot hunt. I cannot move, and my wounds still bleed. Everything burns. And yet, nothing is bright. I can hardly see. I lay here for days, the agony ebbing at my strength. I struggle against the grass, the tall trees that loom over me, as if to say, Shall I end it's misery? I marvel at life itself, the rabbits that pass fearlessly past me, and I am too slow to catch them. And I am cold, a feeling I have never known. I listen to the chirp of the birds, blissful as they be in their trees, their uninvaded nests... I hear the babbling of water nearby. Water? Water! I may make it yet. I limp off to what reveals itself to be a brook, emptying into a clear pool. I gaze upon it lovingly, but to my horror I see myself, broken and battered as I am. My eye has swolen shut, blood still oozing from it's crevice. My stomach, I look down to see, also lays wide and infected, burning with the effort of drawing breath. Blood drips still from my wounds. I drink from the pool, and the water is so sweet, so cool... I am briefly refreshed, but am now colder than ever. I lay in wait, hoping that the dull brown of my scales will camoflage me against prey, or at this point, predators. Deers pass by, but I am too slow to catch them. I manage to catch one, but since that, none have passed by here, and the effort of catching her has drained my greatly. My inner fire grows ever dimmer, and the cold creeps in. At times, I have spells of nausea, and light headedness. I can scarsely breathe without the assault of pain on my diaphram. I lay silent and still, awaiting my fate. I have given up. My treasure is taken, my line brutally ended. I am no longer alive, so why not die? I lay down and close my eye against the pain. Soon, the dim glow of my inner flame dwindles to nothing, and with one last puff of smoke, my body forever lay still. May the forest reclaim me, I think. Let my bones turn to dust here where I lay, so that the earth may remember my sorrow.

Comments & reviews · 3
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scout007
Review

I really did enjoy the perspective you took up in this piece. It is very rare and unique to write from the point of view of the typical antagonist in all fairy tales. I thought the length was perfect, not over done but still not too short, and the writing is mature and captures the noble essence of, well, a dragon.

However, I do have a few critiques. Primarily, the simile you use in the second paragraph, "bled like a waterfall", I feel is a little out of place. The figurative language gives me the appropriate mental image, but I feel using a waterfall to describe blood seeping from the body of a medieval beast is a bit of a stretch, and doesn't really add to the tone that you're trying to convey.

Additionally, throughout the piece you start the variety of your sentences with "I", and to mix up the sentence structure throughout this would make it more interesting to read.

Finally, because you are taking on the perspective of the typical villain, it would be interesting to add a bit about how the knights feel when taking over your treasure and how wrong they are. This would really capture the feeling you're going for in this piece.

Its a great piece! I hope my reviews helped :)

This is a very nice little piece - short and sweet. Some of your sentences have a real sense of majesty about them, well done, and the general storyline is on the right track. I would expand it as much as your imagination allows - how does the dragon feel, from moment to moment? You invest your dragon with a knack for stoic prose, but there isn't much in the way of voice given to this poor creature.

Little quibbles:
- "There were a hundred soldiers..." I think we as readers understand that these men are soldiers, and it's a little repetitive to give them so many appositives in two sentences. Perhaps just say "They were a hundred strong..." or "Hundreds upon hundreds poured into the mouth of the cave..." (or something to that effect.)
- what dialogue you bequeath to the gallant conquistador! I think this brave and ferocious man deserves a better verb than "said", perhaps "bellows", and a more noble label/description than "one".
- I simply love the labels you give to these men. "...wretched thieves, the murderers, the men..." However, I've got two quibbles for this little list. You go from "wretched thieves" (no "the") to "the murderers" and "the men". I'd simply remove the "the"s. Additionally, if we're going by the dramatic rule that each item in a list is more and more important or intense, we start with "wretched thieves", which is surpassed by the horror of "murderers", but then we are brought back down to "men" (this also loses some of its effect as they have been described as men before). I'd make "murderers" appear last and add something a little more hyperbolic like "plunderers" to the mix.
- "A spear hit my eye, putting it out permanently." The phrasing of the second half of this sentence is jarring and strange.
- "agony" is misspelled as "agonny".

Overall, good work, and I look forward to seeing more from you! If you have the time and inclination, please feel free to review my short story The Park!

your reply has been noted and appreciated. I'll get right on that error, as I caught it later. I'll look for your short story, and be sure to check it out.



The adjective should reinvent the noun.
— Leslie Norris