Published April 4, 2013
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141,298 Literary Works • 674,336 Reviews
Hi I'm hanorah this is my review hope it helps you!
This is a great poem ,I wrote on like this last night as I don't have any true,close friends so I relate to this poem a lot!I really like how this came from the heart abd this maked this poem more powerful,really respect you for that!don't have anything bad to write about this poem,well done!I give it 10/10
This is a morbid poem..... well, suppose it said so at the beginning. So as for my critique of this poem, first, good choice of words. It was very descriptive and made me shiver. Probably the only thing that bugs me is that i think two words are spelled wrong. "Fy" as far as i know isn't a word, and you spelled, "themselves" wrong. probably accidentally though. so yeah, that's my 2 cents on this piece. Over all, this piece was very good(did I say that before? idk, what ever).
I corrected that shortly after Kameron's review.
Wow...first off let me say this is an extremely good poem! I love it! I am Kameron, and I'll give the best review I can ;D
first off, the entire thing is quite straight forward and easy to understand which it good but also locks off any idea for speculation. Not a bad thing, but maybe use different words or sentences to induce speculation while still leading them to the end. I do love the poem as it is, but I also know the same idea could be revised and leave everyone on edge. Like
'As Im falling, letting my tears slip beside me
Plunging toward the earth and my demise
You meet me in the last second
Lives entwined to the very end'
or something along those lines. It would leave someone to think, maybe, just possibly!, the poor thing survived. What a riveting drop off, eh?
You do have a few spelling errors, maybe double spacing or on the 2nd to last paragraph. 'Of those who thought themsleces my friends' I am sure that 'themsleces' is supposed to be themselves, correct? And 'Fy friends are false,' that should be My? simple mistakes that I make commonly, don't worry ;D
either way, I love the poem and think it needs very little to almost no improvements. I just think it could be taken and made into something with much much more drama and a hanging end. Any questions, PM or post to ask ;D
Hope isn't realistic, and that's what I tried to portray in this poem, as well as realizing how few the number of your true friends may be. And thanks for pointing out my spelling, I rushed through the typing of this one after writing it down on a notebook piece of paper.