Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
The Aces High MC
By Dylan Haworth
(This story is a work of Fiction. Treat it as such)
March 26, 2014 - The Start
I woke up, just like any other day. I went to take a leak, then got a beer. Drinking that early. There's something wrong with me. I finished the beer and then stepped outside for a smoke. Once I was done with that i got changed into my clothes and went outside to start-up my bike. I sat there and listened to her roar for a minute before i left. I went to the clubhouse. which wasn't actually a clubhouse it was a run down shit hole we kept a table and chairs to call a meeting room in. That day we just decided to work with the Dead Road MC, selling K2. We ran out of the Dead Road’s factory and we scheduled with buyers. so we didn't sell to just any junkie on the street without an appointment. That day we sold to several men including: The boss of the local black street gang, the boss of he local Mexican street gang, and an Italian crime boss who wasn't even supposed to be in the city. Los Angeles is a big place so i doubt anyone would have noticed anyway. The last scheduled sale that day didn't go so well. It was some crazy Chinese crime boss who didn't like that we sold dope around their territory. He threatened us and demanded e gave him the dope. We refused and he threatened us once more and left. We rode back to the clubhouse to tell Chad, our President what happened. He didn't like it one bit, but we still decided to wait a couple weeks to see if they were just empty threats or real promises.
April 8, 2014 - The First Retaliation
I was up all night, being paranoid after what happened. Every Prospect we sent out to take care of sales was beaten so bad they almost killed them. So we decided to retaliate. We grabbed our guns and all 27 of us in the MC went to their restaurant. But when we got there the place was already shot up. We later found out it was some blood feud between the Japanese Yakuza and the Chinese Triads. We continued to sell dope though. So that day the prospects brought back more money than usual. They all said that everyone they sold to told them they sold the product so smoothly that we deserved extra cash. It was a pretty lucky day for us, that.day.
April 24, 2014
I woke up to follow through with my usual routine. But when i got to the clubhouse, Dewayne, the black gang leader was there, talking business. He wanted something taken care of and he turned to us first. He wanted 3 men dead. His old crew that decided to threaten him with ratting him out. So i rode to the first guys house. scouted for a while, no one was outside when. I kicked in the front door, Shot him in the head while he was on the couch and ran out. I left my bike on so i ran and rode off quickly. Got back to the clubhouse and chad started talking with me. We planned on going to hs house tonight with Dewaine and Billy, the president of Dead Road. That's what we did too. We all ate dinner and drank beers together. But that was the night Dewaine got a call about his cousin getting shot 13 times and "MC” was Carved on his forehead.
July 4, 2014
Things were quiet for a good while. That was the way we liked it. Dewayne was still pissed about his cousin and he was blaming us. He was saying we killed him. But it was the 4th of July, we weren't worried about that shit. We were out front grilling; the wives were talking and the kids playing. Everyone but the men went out back to play with some fire crackers. We then noticed a slow-moving black rusted Buick cruising down the street. The windows quickly rolled down and they started shooting. We knew who it was, we got on our bikes and chased them to their house. We shot Dewayne, James, Ezekiel, and some other punk ass gangster. After we killed them we burned th house down and rode back to Chad's house. The rest of that day all we could think about was 'what if the kids were out front still?'
November 7, 2014
After the July 4 incident, things went back to being pretty quiet around there. But after we took the black gang out of the picture that was a big cut from our dope paycheck, which really pissed off the Dead Road MC. But after they didn't buy anymore, neither did the Mexicans. Which meant no more dope sales, which really pissed off the Dead Road. that day we got a call from Billy saying he would start killing us if we didn't get the dope sales back on track within 48 hours. We spent the rest of that day trying to find someone to buy dope but everyone's gone to guns. We called Billy back and said everyone stopped buying dope, they are buying guns. He just hung up and cut contact with us.
November 25, 2014
We sat at the clubhouse with nothing to do. Until Chad got a picture of a dead body with its head cut off. Then 5 minutes later a picture of the head, it was Danny, our newest patched member. We called and called Billy. No answer. He was seriously pissed and we were afraid there was nothing we could do. So we went to go see Don, our Black market Weapons man. We got some Shotguns and C-4 explosive. We planned on retaliating. We spent the day planning, and we still weren't done planning then.
December 10, 2014
We were finally done planning. We were ready to retaliate. Our 13 prospects and 11 of our Patched members Left because they were scare of Billy. So the plan was to go in when Billy wasn't there, Kill the patched members, the main targets were Billy's Lieutenants, and After everyone was dead Blow up the clubhouse. We rode over to The Dead Road's Clubhouse and killed everyone in the area. We killed Billy's Lieutenants. Once that was done, we planted all the C-4 and blew the clubhouse sky-high. We rode back to our clubhouse and Had a few beers. Then Billy called us. His exact words were "I'm giving you one last chance to redeem yourselves. Sit-down on Christmas Day." and before we could say anything Billy hung up. We knew we were screwed at that point.
December 25, 2014
We stayed at the clubhouse that night, couldn't sleep though. We poured a few Whiskeys and stayed seated, all 3 of us. Then Billy showed up. He walked in like he owned the place and sat down at the table. He gestured his hand to ask for a drink, and Chad slid the bottle to him. Billy started talking this is what he said: "This is your last chance to walk away. 'You will disband and never be seen wearing any emblem of the Aces High motorcycle Club again, Any one who is seen wearing these logos will be killed. As a parting gift I allow you to keep your lives. Are We in Agreement?'" All 3 of us agreed, and shook hands with Billy, but when Chad tried to shake Billy's hand, Billy said "Chad, President of The Aces High Motorcycle Club, Different conditions apply to you. Do you understand?" Chad nodded and shook his hand, Chad knew what was coming next. Billy then Pulled out his .45 and shot Chad in the forehead, as he still gripped his hand. Randy, The Sargent-at-Arms stared in shock ds this happened. To me this was no surprise. Billy then said "You can now walk away Scott-free, but remember your 'conditions'." and walked away.. That was the last we saw of Billy. After that day we both knew that starting an MC was a bad idea. We Lived our lives the best we could after that day, but the events still haunt us. Even now.
END
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Hello there. I'm here to give you a quick review on this work of yours.
The formatting here is a bit interesting, especially as this reads like a series of journal entries. This method can be utitilized well to get the reader directly in the main character's mind, but I always think there are a few gimmicks that comes along with this type of writing. To start, the thoughts here are pretty sporadic at times, or in my opinion, a bit too specific to be able to write down in a journal at the end of the day. I would really like to see these scenes expanded a bit, as in closer to real time rather than like a movie montage of short lines explaining everything that happened each night, if that makes sense.
I think my biggest concern with this is that, as the reader, we aren't given much of an insight into the Main Character here at all, instead, we're tossed into a main conflict and simply given little information each entry. I think having writing, or journal entries, or something akin to that can work, but there has to be some supplemental material to get the reader to really understand what is going on, at least on terms of the background on these different characters and why he is in this dangerous of a gang and a lifestyle.
This really does read to me more like movie scenes, especially those gang-crime-drug action sequences that are often developed. The best way to counteract this is to either reformat this and try to expand on some of these scenes, or to try to add more to the overall story. I know I'd be interested in feeling more towards these characters rather than just a vague sense of horror at how many people died due to this kind of conflict. Also, there were a few different grammar mistakes here, but a simple spell check would fix those errors right quick.
I hope this helped!
Hi There!
I saw the title and decided to come say hi and a few words.
Firs of all, I love it, I am a huge fan of shorted sentences, even of they're borderline sharp, especially when that adds to the overall tone and character perception.
A few things about grammar, but I do it all the time as well -"I " is not capital, unless it was intentional somehow?
Which is capital and maybe you can add something between "clubhouse" and "it" - maybe a dash, or anything.
Maybbe it's a "we"?
a couple of weeks.
after what had happened.
But I really like the way you open the part. I don't need descriptions to figure the overall mood out.
Yaaassss. The guys are into some deep sh*t, I guess.
I'm a bit surprised at that one, I mostly imagined them as a gang in a situation where something always happened, all the time. it's something they were living for.
The next paragraph starts with as since the previous one opens similarly, maybe you can play with the words a bit here and there?
The end of next paragraph and the beginning of next - the one where action is set in December contain "plan" a bit too often, so maybe you can switch with other words here too?
I love whiskey and I appreciate the fact it's with a capital letter, although it normally shouldn't be.
"and stayed seated"- maybe remained seated, because it sounds a bit off, at least to me, I don't know.
And this is what he said, or he said this:"(...)"
Really? And they just quit?
I'm kidding
Overall, as I said initially- I liked it and I'm fond of the style.
I know punctuation is bothering and I hate revision too.I hope my words were helpful and I'll see you around
DF.