z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

A Gray Fairytale

by mephistophelesangel


Once upon a time, the kingdom of Nolin was peaceful, protected by powerful magic. Yet, when the first flare of dragon-fire scorched an entire army of knights, it was more than enough to signal that the second war between Nolin and Dowen had begun.

And once upon another time, a long, long time ago before this war, there used to be a gray wizard, Viska, with gray hair, gray robes and gray eyes. His spells were graceful poems, and he was so powerful that even the gold king of Nolin, Dawn, had to fear him.

No one knew how, yet one day, Viska came back to the palace with a white haired boy. The boy’s name was Fell. Viska helped Fell find a place in Nolin, and get the training of a knight. Many advised Viska against giving so much to a simple boy that he didn’t even know, yet Viska ignored them all, even the advice of Ispen, his long-time friend.

When, one day, Dowen struck against Nolin with other enemy kingdoms, Nolin sent out Viska as the most powerful wizard that the kingdom had. The war lasted longer than anybody had expected, and Viska, along with many other wizards, stayed in the war for over three years.

While Viska fought, back in Nolin, Fell trained furiously. Slowly, as he became older and a skilled swordsman, Dawn came to favor him greatly because of his mastery with words and blades.

Winter came. Now, there was also the risk of freezing to death. It was probably why the moment when the war was at its bloodiest and riskiest, Viska cast a spell. The spell was long, deadly and cold. It pulled the souls of the enemy soldiers into Viska’s own head.

After the spell, Viska fell sick. He was hardly breathing, and his body was clammy. He drifted in and out of consciousness, saying broken spells to himself.

Dawn heard of what Viska had done. It had let him win the war, yet Dawn now had a good reason to be afraid of Viska. He called Fell in secret, and whispered to him fearfully; “Viska has to die.”

It is said that Fell had a brief moment of conflict within himself. Viska had brought him to the palace and given him all the opportunities that he had. He had also heard that Viska was so tired, he could hardly walk a step.

But, at the last moment, Fell decided that the king’s order was more important. “Yes, your majesty.” he told Dawn, and raced to the finishing war with six other soldiers.

When Fell arrived at the camp near the warsite, he saw that, indeed, Viska couldn’t walk a single step. Yet, when he took out his polished sword, Viska opened his eyes and greeted Fell weakly. Something must have changed inside Fell, since he put his sword back in its golden sheath. Then he smiled and greeted Viska back.

Right before Fell had to return to the king with the news of Viska’s death, Fell had another conflict within himself. This time, again, his loyalty for the king won over, and he, this time, took out a pipe filled with red, deadly dried leaves.

Fell told Viska that he now had to leave. Now, Viska was much better. He was regaining himself, sitting up on the bed. As a parting gift, Fell gave the pipe to Viska, who was happy to receive the first gift in his whole life.

After Fell left, Viska put the pipe in his mouth and breathed from it. From years and years of living a harsh life, it didn’t take him more than a mere second to realize that the pipe was poison. He dropped the pipe into his lap, and curled into himself, dropping three drops of tears tiredly. He set a hand against his forehead and began to cast a spell that would reanimate him even after death.

And shall the raven fall, empty, white, into the rising arms of day, was the spell that he whispered.

When the last word of the spell was done, he slowly sank into the bed, closed his eyes and simply stopped breathing. A moment later, Fell glanced into the tent that Viska was in, and saw that Viska was dead. He bowed his head and slipped away.

Not too long after, the beggars on the streets began a song to be sung on the rainiest days. A small gray wizard, dying by his poems, black poison drifts from his pipe. But his ghost still sits on a cliff, over the sea, shedding bloody tears -

A small gray wizard, dying by his poems, a snake of black smoke as his lonely company. Then the beggars would all go deathly silent and stare at the sky; ashen and raining.

And that is exactly how the gray wizard Viska had died forlorn.

__

A tendril of black smoke curled into the air.

Gray lowered the pipe just enough for him to blow out another plume of dark smoke, then closed his lips around the end of the pipe again. A breeze passed him, and his gray hair fell into his identically colored eyes.

He reached beside him and grabbed another handful of red, dried leaves. With a pale hand that had a blue tinge, he stuffed the leaves into the bowl of the pipe and lowered the circular opening into a small lamp that sat beside him in the daylight. When a wisp of black smoke began to come out from the pipe again, he deeply inhaled from it.

The air that swirled around the cliff was cold. Rocks that made the cliff were icy, black and rounded. Below the endless drop of the cliff, the sound of running water came.

A hand reached out from behind Gray. It was slightly darker than Gray’s, with no blue to the skin tone. As quickly as a snake, it knocked the pipe out of Gray’s hand. It spiraled down the cliff so far down that Gray couldn’t hear it reach the water.

Numbly, Gray blinked. It was a couple seconds until he finally muttered, “Pipe.”

Fell, who stood behind Gray, frowned. He had his white hair tied back in a short ponytail, with one gray eye and another white. Unlike Gray, who simply wore a gray shirt and pants, Fell had himself dressed in a red velvet robe, and white, creamy attires in overall.

“Can you say more than one word?” Fell muttered, and tugged Gray up by his shoulders. “Come, Viska. Or Gray, whichever one they call you now.”

“Pipe,” Gray responded instead, and shifted to the side to free himself of Fell’s grasp. “Pain.”

Fell gazed deeply into Gray’s eyes. After a minute, he broke off the gaze and pulled out a long sword from his waist. He grabbed Gray’s right hand, brought it up to eye-level, and ran the blade along the palm swiftly. Black blood ran down Gray’s wrist.

“You’re dead, Gray. You don’t feel pain. Now, tell me if you remember. Friends?” Fell inquired Gray softly.

“Friends,” Gray pronounced. His gray eyes wobbled, and he released a breath that was still partially black into Fell’s face. Fell frowned in disgust and waved the smoke away. “You,” Gray finally choked out. “Betray.”

For a moment, Fell paused, then smiled at Gray brightly. “But the spell you cast on yourself still worked, didn’t it? That’s why you’re still like this.”

When Gray exhaled next, there was no hint of the black smoke in his breathing. He grabbed Fell’s hand and placed it on his own. “Cold,” Gray managed to say. “Blue.”

“I know. That’s because,” Fell stopped speaking for a split second. “You’re dead. Right?”

Three drops of brown and black blood fell from Gray’s eyes. “Friends,” he whispered, “Fell.”

Fell looked at Gray and cocked his head to the side. Then, slowly, he beamed, curving his white and gray eyes. “Gray. How about this?” he whispered, and pulled his hand away from Gray’s swiftly. “I’ll give you a new pipe. I’ll be your friend again. But right now, you need to come with me. I need your magic.”

__

The king’s face was dark and gaunt when Gray and Fell entered the hall. He barely glanced up from the papers on his lap, which he dropped when he caught sight of Gray.

Immediately, his face went pale, and he shot up from his golden throne. “You’re dead!” he stammered. His eyes swerved from side to side in shock and confusion.

Not missing the moment, Fell dropped onto his knees and bowed deeply. “Your majesty, let me explain. Please.”

It took a moment for the king to relax his hands from fists. He took a deep, shaky breath. “You better,” he said, and sat back down into the throne, his eyes studying Gray warily.

“It’ll be a long story, your majesty,” Fell began. “And we have a scarce amount of time, so I’ll shorten it.”

Nodding stiffly, the king exhaled slowly. “Begin. Now.”

And so Fell did. For a time, he told about how Viska had died, then how he had cast a spell to revive himself, and the beggars’ singing that had led Fell to where Gray was. And Gray stood through all of it, unmoving, unblinking, feeling as if the story was not his to own.

The memories that began to dance in his head were like a forgotten dream. It faded away from his very grasp, smiling, icy.

“And he’s now agreed to help Nolin,” Fell finally finished. Gray blinked, breaking free from his thoughts’ grasp.

“Fell, this better be very certain, understand?” the king mumbled, putting a hand against his forehead. “My son has suffered a loss of an arm in this war already. And-”

Cutting him off without warning, the door to the hall burst open.

A messenger in a blue robe hurried inside. He wore a silver armor under the robe, which was dusty and smudged with blood. His hair was wild, his helmet dented on one side. “Your majesty!” he hollered, falling limply onto one knee. “I have a request!”

“What is it?” the king snapped, a shadow of nervousness falling over his face. “The wizards in the warfield are nearly all dead, your majesty. Before I left, the dragons were gaining the uppermost hand. Please, we need more wizards,” the messenger begged. “Or this war will overtake us, your majesty. Please. The dragons are gaining number. They’re covering the sky.”

Gray silently gazed up at the king. Gray eyes met the king’s golden ones in the air.

“Your majesty!” the messenger nearly weeped.

The king gritted his teeth. “Don’t you hear him? What are you still standing here for? Go!” he yelled.

Without any delay, Fell grabbed Gray’s arm and tugged him out of the hall.

__

Gray’s horse huffed out white breaths into the air. Its mouth was foaming at the edges furiously, eyes wild and raging, hooves pounding prints into the ground. Gray’s body shook with each gallop of the horse. He numbly clenched his fingers around the leather reins and stared straight ahead. A sly hill covered a part of his vision.

Right beside him, Fell rode a white mare. He had on a white robe and armor, with his pale hair tied back in a tail. All around him and Gray, the harsh gasps of the horses threatened to suffocate them.

“We’re almost there,” Fell informed Gray with a soft smile. “Can you hear it?”

Even as he spoke, far away, a ground-shaking roar shook the very air itself. Gray’s horse reared slightly, then began to sprint again.

Gray opened his mouth and closed it. Even with the horse underneath him and Fell speaking faintly over the winds, he felt that he was alone. A wave of memories threatened to overtake him.

Shaking his head, he parted his dead, blue lips and muttered to himself a spell.

Not a second later, Fell noticed. “Are you certain that you can speak it out loud?” he hollered. “Because if you can’t-”

“I can,” Gray forced the words out of himself, and shut his mouth before the blood could drip out of it. Fell shot him a dubious glance, his smile nearly gone from his face, yet kept running.

After seven heartbeats later, Gray and Fell’s horses lunged up the hill. The sky opened up into a wider atmosphere, and Gray instinctively glanced down to the field that he was now faced with.

Iron, blood, soldiers, screams, roars, dragons, and the heavy smell of death. It all slammed into him.

Silver soldiers grappled with gold ones, stabbing with swords, disarming, stabbing furiously into exposed flesh. Some rolled along the swamp of blood with their allies. Even as Gray watched, a knight’s head rolled along the ground, and the abandoned horse stood up on its hind legs, screaming.

Then there were the dragons. Gray ones, red ones, gold ones, silver ones - too many to be discerned from one another. Their eyes glinted with fiery heat even from a distance. A sharp blade of wind pierced through a horse and its rider when a blue dragon roared.

Howling in response, even more dragons swooped down from the sky like a swarm of bees. The largest one was white. Its eyes were gray. It didn’t touch the ground, and instead circled the battlefield, every ground that it passed losing a breath of energy and life.

When the white dragon flew over the space right in front of him, Gray’s horse stopped, and trotted on the spot nervously.

On the contrary, Fell gave a last glance at Gray before he raced down the hill without even a hint of hesitation, unsheathing his blade, as white and pale as a bird.

Dully, Gray tried to remember Fell’s eyes from just a few seconds ago. Gray, and white. A message in both of the irises. A farewell - sorrow?

Then it had been painted over with a smile.

For the first time in a long while, the corners of Gray’s lips twisted up grimly. He stared at the white dragon. It arched its long neck around and stared back at Gray. Its jaws quivered, and the pair of gray eyes narrowed dangerously.

“I’m the dead wizard of Nolin, lord dragon,” Gray greeted in a whisper. A dark blob of blood dripped out of his mouth. His already rotting tongue seemed to wither and die even more. “And I’m here to die, upon my, oath.”

Gray’s voice began to crack, and he knew that he didn’t have much words left to speak.

In response to him, the white dragon howled into the air. Its white teeth gleamed sharply like blades. Beneath it, the screams of the soldiers got even louder, as if fueled by the dragon’s roar that would either bring them life or death. The dragon shifted its course slightly to Gray’s direction.

And Gray didn’t wait.

‘The deaths chase you,’” he said, before he coughed violently. Blood pooled on his horse’s back and his own palm.

His vision wavering, Gray slipped down from the horse and collapsed in a small heap on the ground. He squinted and still gazed at the dragon. “‘The whole way up to the edge. Blades, curses, whispers. And it’s murmuring-’

He could feel the ground vibrate as the horse raced away.

A particularly wrecking heave shook Gray’s entire body. He trembled, and opened his mouth to let the blood flow out of it, onto the already crimson grass. “‘Dripping bloody tears, and shall you, latch on, to souls… Poor and forlorn… Listen to my, words, listen to this knowledge, listen to, this… poem.’”

Slowly, Gray laid himself on the ground and watched the white dragon advance. He then looked at the battlefield.

There was a glint of white, then it was gone. Bloody tears pooled in Gray’s eyes. Perhaps five hundred years had been a long time to live. Perhaps it was not. His dead body couldn’t recall.

He turned his head to stare, this time at the sky. It reached down at him, and he reached back.

I swear,” he croaked. The lower half of his face and his torso was entirely soaked with crimson, seemingly dragging him down into the earth. “To the dead man’s, grave… that I’ll lie in my own coffin when he,” he stopped. He gritted his teeth. The tears covered his vision.

In the short second, emptiness settled into his eyes. He shook, and the white dragon roared. There was another flash of white.

Fell?

One word; there was one simple word that he longed to say, but he said instead, “arises.”

And it was exactly the very last spell of a gray wizard who had lost his name.

__

The exhausted sun of another day rose.

The rays of tender light welcomed the dusty faces of soldiers. The sky bathed itself in orange, the thin clouds fading into it.

After a moment of understanding, the soldiers suddenly laughed as loudly as possible, dropping their swords, sobbing in relief, throwing away their helmets, clapping each other on the back and cheering. The horses snorted in exhaustion and nudged their riders’ backs.

The soldiers stomped and danced and hollered in the midst of gold, dead soldiers of Dowen and the massive corpses of dragons. A particularly white one had its wings still spread, the open jaws pointing at the low hill. Its gray eyes were lifeless and glassy.

For hours, the smiles on the soldiers’ faces never left.

Only Fell was standing apart from the celebration. Instead, he stood by himself on the hill right next to the warfield.

His gray and white eyes slid half shut, and he knelt lightly on the ground. With a swift hand, he gathered the gray, translucent ash in his robe. After he did so, he pulled the robe off of his shoulders and tied it into a pouch tightly.

“You should have trusted a person that you could trust,” he murmured. His white hair blew into his face. “And that someone wasn’t me. I killed you the first time, Viska. You were an idiot for casting that spell.”

A moment of silence passed, as if Fell was awaiting for an answer.

When one never came, Fell pulled the pouch of ashes to his chest. “Now see what you’ve ended up as,” he whispered. “I won’t cry for you. I never will. But I’ll do my best to remember. That is all I can ever do.”

Then he stood up, strode down the hill to join the rest of the soldiers, and never looked back once.

The gray ash later ended up scattered in the ocean, beneath the black cliff that Gray had been sitting on.

The sky was gray, the ocean was black, and a man’s hair was starkly white before he turned and left.























__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __





















[The Book of Wars : page 952 : scribed under the War of Dragons

After the victory had been won by a mysterious source of dark magic, the kingdom sank into celebration, signaling the end of the Dark Era. In the middle of it was the Knight of Light, whose name was never revealed to the world openly.

It is a common knowledge that the Knight had spent a great amount of effort to claim victory in the War. Yet, it is also a widely known and unexplained mystery, for the Knight disappeared completely from records, eyewitnesses and the range of the King’s authority.

At the same range of time, Dowen proposed a peace treaty to the kingdom of Nolin. After days of consideration, the King concluded that the treaty would be accepted - only at one condition; to release or kill all the dragons.

While Nolin settled down into peace, many high-ranking wizards began a search for the castor of the magic that had won the War. After years of the huge search that had went on endlessly, the King finally sent out to the kingdom, that all followers of dark magic would be arrested and interrogated without any consideration to social status. Since the great magic that had sped up time for the enemy soldiers and dragons in the War was considered to be dark magic, one by one, wizards stopped looking for the source of the magic.

Yet, a select few individuals attempted to search beneath the kingdom’s accusing eyes. When discovered a short time later, they were all arrested and muted.

The two things that shroud the War in mystery would logically be these items in history - the whereabouts of the Knight of Light, a widely appreciated and honored war hero, and the dubious existence of a magician who is believed to have cast the dark magic to end the War. ]





. . .

And they lived

happily ever after.































. . .



















I’ll tell you that.

Because for some,

It was a happy ending.

History is never written

For corpses,

Understand?


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Tue Jun 09, 2015 8:39 pm
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grandpaslippers wrote a review...



Hey!
Very nicely written! While it was a little... Gray in some areas (pun not intended :D), it kept me interested and entertained and overall added to your style. The flow is good, but maybe could use a little tweaking here and there. Your characters are great and definitely intriguing; loved them both! And the ending? On point, man. You rocked that fairytale with a twist style ;)
Thanks for the great read!




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Sun Feb 15, 2015 8:33 am
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Caesar wrote a review...



Hello hi

Overall I liked this a lot. There were some parts I especially enjoyed, like when Gray is sitting by himself on the cliff and the dialogue between him and Fell. I thought you were able to make the scene very emotional in relying on Gray's gestures. I like it when people do that. I'm also a sucker for fantasy, so 10/10 on the premise. Your description was top-notch.

For the same reason, perhaps my greatest issue with this short is pacing. You spend a lot of time describing some scenes, like the first two battlefields, in great detail. This is fine, I appreciates those scenes. What left me wanting was the ending. The telling of the events after those you described seems almost rushed. A good fairy-tail is measured in each part, and the ending especially is what ties everything together.

Here, this daunting task is left to those last eight lines. I found them abrupt and jarring. Your work stands alone well, I think there's no need to explicate the moral of it. I invite you to consider removing them entirely. A solid fairy-tale, in my opinion, is circumscribed to a remote past, and its consequences are left in that remote past. You nailed this in the first part, switching from a direct narration to a more summary telling of events -- which I approve of -- but then those lines just toss all that out the window. It slaps me back to here and now with no time to reflect on what I just read.

But maybe you feel the 'moral' doesn't come off as strongly without them. I think there's still a way: extending the final paragraphs of your narration to include more details. You already started doing that, telling us about dark magic being outlawed.

The two things that shroud the War in mystery would logically be these items in history - the whereabouts of the Knight of Light, a widely appreciated and honored war hero, and the dubious existence of a magician who is believed to have cast the dark magic to end the War.


Instead of this, you could go on saying how the Knight of Light vanished, and he was later forgotten. You could exasperate things further and say that the King totally denied his involvement and claimed all the glory for himself, and how all magic was banned, period. There are innumerable things you could do to convey the same message those last eight lines delivered in a way that doesn't break the fairy-tale atmosphere. You should try some until you find something you like, if you agree with what I've just said.


Another useful tool to strengthen the aforementioned atmosphere is language. I've already said I think you describe things well, but you could go further. In my opinion, excellent fairy-tale description focuses solely on what is important, and discards everything superfluous. Here, some things I feel could be cut:

even the advice of Ispen, his long-time friend.


Ispen is irrelevant to the short as a whole. He won't be mourned.

And that is exactly how the gray wizard Viska had died forlorn.


I had guessed he was dead. No need to remind me.

There was a glint of white, then it was gone. Bloody tears pooled in Gray’s eyes. Perhaps five hundred years had been a long time to live. Perhaps it was not. His dead body couldn’t recall.


I'm just a bit iffy when it comes to this paragraph. I understand blood is a powerful image, and you do push it a lot, and it's sometimes effective, like when associated to the red leaves he smokes. Here I felt it wasn't as effective. The tears are a bit trope-like. There are more original ways to convey sadness. I also don't think the five-hundred years of life are truly why he's sad. That's just my personal opinion though, it's not as objective as the examples above.

In general, you should re-read your short and, whenever you come up on an adjective, adverb or descriptive sentence, ask yourself: is this vital? If I cut it, will the atmosphere still be the same? Can I shorten this in some way? A writer who on yws has really got this, in my opinion, is @carbonCore. You should go read his shorts and see what I mean about description.

One final thing, why did Gray end up taking Fell in? He never says, and I do wonder. Maybe that should be cleared up.

You have a very solid short here, but its potential is much greater. I encourage you to strive for the perfect atmosphere. If you ever edit this, do send me a message. I'd love to read what you come up with. Hope this helped
-Ita




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Fri Feb 13, 2015 2:24 am
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Rubric wrote a review...



Howdy just a quick one from me.

Big Picture:

I enjoy the descriptions of magic, the rhyming, especially with the beggars, is appropriately arcane.
The turning point in the plot, where the king decides that the gray wizard is too much of a threat is a good one, but could perhaps be foreshadowed by disagreements between them? Perhaps an earlier time which sees Fell have to choose sides (he could go either way without undermining the story). It’s interesting that the king chooses the one person who has conflicting loyalties with Viska to assassinate him, it reflects how much the king trusts Fell, but also paints the king as rather isolated, and without a good number of flunkies. I guess it also allows Fell to get close without raising suspicion.
In the general scheme of things the king is characterised as weak, indecisive, and paranoid. His bearing is fairly pathetic, when basic statesmanship would demand that he puts on a regal persona when holding court, to maintain the Kingdom's morale. It’s intriguing that Fell chooses him over Viska, given that the latter is so much more important to the kingdom’s security. It seems as though anyone could step into the king's shoes and do the job at least as well, whereas there's only one Viska. It's sheer dumb luck for the Kingdom that Viska managed to hold himself together to win the war, marking both Fell and the king as, frankly, idiots.

Details:
“You should have trusted a person that you could trust,”
“You should have put your trust in someone worthy of it” fits the conversation and avoids repetition.

“Gray’s horse stopped, and trotted on the spot nervously.”
This is probably the best behaved horse of all time, given what’s going on around it, and that Gray probably smells of decay by now. Might be worth a mention that this is probably a well-bred battle-trained warhorse (a courser or destrier).

“The exhausted sun of another day rose.”
A new sun is typically associated with newness and rebirth. So I guess this makes for an interesting contrast, but I’m wondering if it's the ideal metaphor. If it's the sun of "another day", then why is it feeling the exhaustion of the previous one?


“For hours, the smiles on the soldiers’ faces never left.”
Weren’t they just in a battle in a war they’d been on the brink of losing? Most of them would have lost friends and family. I imagine at least a few of the soldiers would have seen brothers or father immolated by dragons right in front of them. Winning is great and all, and so is surviving, but war will mess you up, and so they shouldn’t be walking round like it’s valentines day or they just won the lottery.

“While Nolin settled down into peace, many high-ranking wizards began a search for the castor of the magic that had won the War.”
There’s lines like this in the story that make it seem like everybody didn’t know the really important facts of the story, like that the Gray Wizard came back to see the king, even though he had reportedly died, and was sent to the front line. This might make sense if the King arranged a private meeting to relay those orders, but in his great hall, presumably with many guards, courtiers, the messenger, and advisors, there shouldn’t be any real uncertainty among anyone that matters about the pivotal acts of this story. Given that Viska was assassinated, it’s bizarre that such an ordinary meeting would take place. One would assume revenge was in order (and a fearful king most certainly would), and that if the king agreed to the meeting at all, Gray would be in chains, and a group of loyalist mages would be on hand to contain him if he went rogue. The fact that Viska shows up "alive" (or at least corporeal) in the company of the man who supposedly killed him would probably make a king (already paranoid) assume that a coup was about to happen. It's a good opportunity to characterise the king as either just as paranoid as the reader assumes so far, or actually a bit more concerned with the kingdom's safety, and possibly regretting his colossal blunder.

Hope this was helpful,

Cheers.






Hey!

Oh, good god, thank you so much. I'll take all of feedback into my editing process. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your review was incredibly detailed and helpful.

Mephis




Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold