SILENT MOUNTAIN OF BINARATAN
Melvin D. Banggollay
Tabuk, Kalinga, Philippines
In the hinterland of Maducayan
Where I was born as a binodngan
Hailed a mountain called Binarattan
where silence slumbered for everyone.
Legend told us that Kabuniyan
The Holy God of the Maducayan
Who made all things for the clan,
The forest and animals of the land.
On His journey to visit every land
He passed upon mountain binaratan
Where wildlife sung all days with fun
that their songs can be heared in far land.
When he could not hear the bark
of his dogs he brought with Him to embark
to this journey to visit all his marks
of creation now famous landmark,
He raised his hands as he implored
every creature to hum no more
for he could hear his dogs explore
the beauty of the mountain's grandeur.
All that flies and crawls everywhee
made no sounds even just silent whispers
and even the wind had its great slumber
although the trees sways with its power;
trilling shadow of silence was everywhere
even if flocks of birds were playng over
upon every towering trees of wonder.
Afar, he can now clearly hear the bark
of his dogs he brought with him to embark
in this journey to visit all the mark
of his creation now famous landmark.
He, with just one stride of his magic,
reached his dogs so fast and automatc
as He joined them now running after wild pigs
who had eaten from farmer's rice fields
but he forgot to make a tall order
for the birds, the crickets , wild roster
and all other lving creatures to proclaim
and sing the melody of their nature and being.
Even up to now , silence still lingers
on this mountain where silence wanders.
When will this mountain will once again
proclaim the noisiness it one's claimed
is beyond everyone's great understanding.
Maybe, when God will return again
to hunt upon this majestic mountain.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Am in love the whole story it was straight and clear.
In stanza the rythm was beautiful. But the abrupt end to it at the middle of the stanza made me nearly cry, for next time make the whole stanza continue with the rythm
Wow, I really like it! It's a very original poem, with a very good description of what is the legend. I will try to review this. Forgive me if I am too nitpicky, since I'm new at reviewing.
A descriptive stanza, but a bit confusing at the end. The poem tells that silence was ordered, and left there to stay. Slumber implies sleep, or dormance. So dormant silence would imply that there was not silence.
I found "although the trees sways with its power;" where 'sways' should be 'sway' since 'trees' is plural.
Here, I suggest you make 'mark' plural, since it says 'all', usually meaning there are more than one.
All in all, there are only a few commas and periods missing. I really really liked it, and encourage you to KEEP WRITING.
~Spiral