Published November 11, 2009
To touch you
Is to feel the things
I never felt before.
To see you
Is to make me wish
That I was special too.
To want you
Is to wait for you in the next lifetime
And please don't be late.
To miss you
Is to make me immobile
Like paralysis it cripples the mind.
To love you
Is to die a thousand way
But with a smile.
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141,430 Literary Works • 674,412 Reviews
hey there, thank you so much for the help, i appreciate it a lot.
Hello there! Welcome to YWS! I must remind you that you must review 4 times per piece of writing that you post, so make sure you get those reviews in!
When I read this stanza, that last line made me stop and think 'This doesn't go there'. A question would feel more right. That's just my opinion anyway. I also shortened up the second line.Okay darling, the title needs some work. Nobody is going to be interested in a poem that has a number as title, unless it means something to them. It may mean something to you, but you want your readers to understand that too! If it means something, add it in the poem, and if it doesn't, then please change the title.
That line is not quite right hun. I'm not sure how to fix it but please change it somehow. It seems so forced.
The whole 'Is to' vibe is not working for me. The first line repeating is ok, but the second also is not! Each stanza should be unique in its own way.
I'm sorry if I was a tad bit harsh. This poem has so much potential to be great, and right now it's only good. Edit and it will go far!
-Emma
Hi! I'm Mia, and I will be your reviewer today!
OK, so I really liked the content of this poem, it had good rhythm and it flowed nicely. But you have forgotten one thing: punctuation!
Punctuating the end of your lines, even if only with a comma, means that your reader can breathe whilst reading it. Even reading it silently, it's hard to do without breathing!
Fix that, and it'll be pretty much perfect!
Mia x