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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It urks me how 'was' is on it's own line, but other than that, this is amazing. The structure is sound, and the wording is astounding. I usually see peoms with such bland, colorless words, but yours is different. I like it
Most of the poem's flow was pretty good. It has a slightly musical quality to it. On thing I would change is how you put "was" on a line by itself. I get that you're trying to use it to build tension of show contrast, but it disrupts the flow a little. The words themselves should be sufficient to show contrast.
Also, I agree with Payne about how you should develop more imagery in the last stanza.
Great poem!
Most of the poem's flow was pretty good. It has a slightly musical quality to it. On thing I would change is how you put "was" on a line by itself. I get that you're trying to use it to build tension of show contrast, but it disrupts the flow a little. The words themselves should be sufficient to show contrast.
Also, I agree with Payne about how you should develop more imagery in the last stanza.
Great poem!
Hey there. I'm Payne, and I'll be reviewing your poem today. Poetry is not my strong suit, so please bear with me.
Grammar, punctuation, and spelling are good, though there needs to be a space after the comma in the line "a cold,dead tree".
The flow is good on the first stanza, but from there it sort of loses momentum. The first five lines of the second stanza, in particular. It's still a fairly solid poem, but it's a bit choppy.
The last stanza has serious potential, but the imagery is lacking. It feels like you finished it in a hurry. The ending of a work is crucial to its success.
There's definitely good emotion in this, though. It vaguely reminds me of something I read about a Silent Hill video game, so that adds an extra chill to it.
This was definitely an enjoyable read. Keep up the good work!