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Humanity

by mehmal123


In this world, do u know who is known as humanity?

Humanity is the care,

Humanity is the kindness

Humanity is the mercy

Humanity is the feeling deep for other

Humanity is facing hurdles further

Humanity is the no color, no language, no tribe

Humanity is the suiciding selfishness in yourself

Do you feel others' hurts and sorrows?

Do you feel the wounds behind the tears?

Do you know the meaning of mercy?

Do you remember the feeling of the courtesy?

Every person have kindness inside

Please explore this to change the world wide.

Humanity is the feeling deep for the sorrows of the person

Humanity is taking care of the animals

Humanity is considering equality worldwide.

Humanity can poultice the wounds of the people

Humanity is the gift of the god who lives in the Sky

Humanity can bring happiness worldwide


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76 Reviews


Points: 1508
Reviews: 76

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Sun Dec 27, 2020 12:44 am
Dest wrote a review...



Hello! Here are my thoughts.

Since you’re basically personifying humanity, I think it would read smoother to remove the “the’s.” Like, who is humanity? Humanity is care, humanity is kindness, humanity is mercy, etc.

Humanity is the feeling deep for other
I think you’re referring to empathy here. There may be a few words missing, so I didn’t understand this part clearly.

Humanity is facing hurdles further

You can remove “further,” and we will still understand the message. “Facing challenges” would also work.

Humanity is the no color, no language, no tribe

I’m curious to what you mean by this. Sounds like the writing is advocating for unity without letting our differences get in the way. I would love to see this sentence get revised. There’s a lot to unpack here. Even something like, “humanity is having no barriers with color, language, tribes, etc.”

Humanity is the suiciding selfishness in yourself

I had a different interpretation for this line. I thought you were saying real humanity is dying to yourself, basically putting others before your own interests and desires. Killing your selfishness.

However, the word suiciding doesn’t work well here. If you wanted to describe the type of selfishness, then you could use the adjective “suicidal.” But that still wouldn’t make much sense. “Killing” reads smoother overall. I would remove “the” too.

Do you feel others' hurts and sorrows?
Do you feel the wounds behind the tears?
Do you know the meaning of mercy?
Do you remember the feeling of the courtesy?
Every person have kindness inside


This part is lovely and impactful. Emotional. This makes readers self-evaluate themselves.
Change “have” to “has.”

“Do you remember the feeling of the courtesy?” Sounds awkward. Is there another way you can phrase this idea?

Suggestion: Do you remember feeling courtesy?

Do you feel others' hurts and sorrows?

“Pain and sorrow” sounds a bit more natural to my ear.

Please explore this to change the world wide.

Very minor. Worldwide is one word.

Humanity is the feeling deep for the sorrows of the person

This sentence could use revision. Deep needs to be an adverb “deeply.” Many of the “the’s” can be removed as well. Ex: Humanity is feeling deeply for another person’s sorrows.

Humanity can poultice the wounds of the people

Using “poultice” as a verb feels awkward. You can keep poultice as a noun if you change the sentence. “Humanity can be a poultice for the wounds of the people.”

Or “Humanity can relieve/heal/aid…”

Humanity can bring happiness worldwide


To me, something as simple as “real humanity” or “true humanity” would add a more lasting impression. Why? Since you're describing how humanity "should be" ideally, this makes a powerful distinction against more selfish humanity.

Overall, you have some good ideas here. Just improving the readability will make this writing flourish. I would like to understand your ideas more. I’m all for writing that questions the morality and actions of humans. Increasing empathy and equality is an absolute necessity for humans. I think a revised version of this would definitely convict some people.

I apologize if any of this seemed harsh.

Please keep writing!




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Points: 3209
Reviews: 27

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Sat Dec 26, 2020 7:13 pm
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EtherealGarbage wrote a review...



Hey there!

Specific Comments:

In this world, do u know who is known as humanity?

Firstly, it's you instead of just the letter. Also, the who part confuses me. Do you mean what, or is it something that I'm just missing? Even if I am missing something, who does not make sense at all with everything else going on.

Humanity is the no color, no language, no tribe

I think I understand what this is trying to say, but it isn't executed in a way that makes it easy to understand. It feels like there's something meant to go after everything as those all feel like adjectives.

Humanity is the gift of the god who lives in the Sky

Nothing in this should be capitalized in my opinion, but if you choose to, it should be the god part, though in that sentence it wouldn't even be correct because of the the I believe.

Humanity is the suiciding selfishness in yourself

This doesn't sit well with me. I'm not sure if it's meant to mean that suicide is selfish, but that's what vibe I get from it. And that is totally incorrect.

My Thoughts:

This is pretty good, and it has an overall meaning that many would understand and like. There's of course some room to improve, but I like this as it is, if we move away from a few of the lines I mentioned above.

Best,
Max





To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
— Proverbs 18:13