Young Writers Society

Hello! Here are my thoughts.

Since you’re basically personifying humanity, I think it would read smoother to remove the “the’s.” Like, who is humanity? Humanity is care, humanity is kindness, humanity is mercy, etc.

Humanity is the feeling deep for other

I think you’re referring to empathy here. There may be a few words missing, so I didn’t understand this part clearly.

Humanity is facing hurdles further

You can remove “further,” and we will still understand the message. “Facing challenges” would also work.

Humanity is the no color, no language, no tribe

I’m curious to what you mean by this. Sounds like the writing is advocating for unity without letting our differences get in the way. I would love to see this sentence get revised. There’s a lot to unpack here. Even something like, “humanity is having no barriers with color, language, tribes, etc.”

Humanity is the suiciding selfishness in yourself

I had a different interpretation for this line. I thought you were saying real humanity is dying to yourself, basically putting others before your own interests and desires. Killing your selfishness.

However, the word suiciding doesn’t work well here. If you wanted to describe the type of selfishness, then you could use the adjective “suicidal.” But that still wouldn’t make much sense. “Killing” reads smoother overall. I would remove “the” too.

Do you feel others' hurts and sorrows?
Do you feel the wounds behind the tears?
Do you know the meaning of mercy?
Do you remember the feeling of the courtesy?
Every person have kindness inside

This part is lovely and impactful. Emotional. This makes readers self-evaluate themselves.
Change “have” to “has.”

“Do you remember the feeling of the courtesy?” Sounds awkward. Is there another way you can phrase this idea?

Suggestion: Do you remember feeling courtesy?

Do you feel others' hurts and sorrows?

“Pain and sorrow” sounds a bit more natural to my ear.

Please explore this to change the world wide.

Very minor. Worldwide is one word.

Humanity is the feeling deep for the sorrows of the person

This sentence could use revision. Deep needs to be an adverb “deeply.” Many of the “the’s” can be removed as well. Ex: Humanity is feeling deeply for another person’s sorrows.

Humanity can poultice the wounds of the people

Using “poultice” as a verb feels awkward. You can keep poultice as a noun if you change the sentence. “Humanity can be a poultice for the wounds of the people.”

Or “Humanity can relieve/heal/aid…”

Humanity can bring happiness worldwide

To me, something as simple as “real humanity” or “true humanity” would add a more lasting impression. Why? Since you're describing how humanity "should be" ideally, this makes a powerful distinction against more selfish humanity.

Overall, you have some good ideas here. Just improving the readability will make this writing flourish. I would like to understand your ideas more. I’m all for writing that questions the morality and actions of humans. Increasing empathy and equality is an absolute necessity for humans. I think a revised version of this would definitely convict some people.

I apologize if any of this seemed harsh.

Please keep writing!