Tears of the Spirit (Title pending)

by medievalwriter
  • June 14, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical
  • Poetry/Lyrics
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Spoiler! :
Something I wrote very early in the morning in the style of the early lyrics of Varg Vikernes. I won't tell you what its meaning is since it will be evident to some. NOTE:The only changes that will be made to this are ones in punctuation. No changes to the content of the poem will be made; it was written this way, with many parts being intentional, and it will not change.


Through the mist that surrounds the mountains,
A spirit stirrs; a spirit as old as time.
She was once the sheperd of minds, the controller of man's evils.
Who was once the love of all alive, but it is now no more.

A tear falls from the eye of the spirit,
As she looks upon her world.
Destroyed and blinded we carry on like fools,
Oblivious to the power and meaning of the spirit.

Now the tear falls to the ground,
And strikes upon the soil.
But from this tear a seed is born.
And it grows into a tree on the side of the mountain.

Below the mountain the people look up,
Caught by the tree and the weeping spirit.
For a moment they stand, yet many soon turn,
Brought to fear by the lashes of leaders.

But some defy and we run for the mountain,
Back into the forests from where we were taken, so long ago.
And run up the mountain to the tree and the spirit,
And we fall on our knees at the wonder of the sight.

And then the spirit smiles;
Perhaps there is hope.

Perhaps.

Comments & reviews · 4
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*coco
Review
*coco wrote a review · Thu Jun 16, 2011 9:02 am

I really enjoyed this poem. You create a wonderful visual experience with the earthy descriptions of the trees and the mountains and the soil and then a heavenly visual experience with the spirit. This only gets stronger with each stanza. I won't say anymore because I'm no expert at poetry but I really did enjoy reading this so good job :)

*coco

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Tcon
Review
Tcon wrote a review · Tue Jun 14, 2011 6:03 pm

I like the earthy feel to this. I mean, seeing that your username IS "medievalwriter", you've certainly fulfilled the requirements for good ole' poetry. The religious overtones add to the blend nicely. One thing I might caution against though (and this might just be because I hate repetition) is the re usage of nouns, like mountains and trees. I know you're trying to write in the vein of pieces made thousands of years ago but it can be accomplished without using the same words so many times. Try to find similar words rather than putting the exact word in a stanza four occasions. Your writing is solid; but experiment with word choice and variety. :)

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AmeliaCogin
Review
AmeliaCogin wrote a review · Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:44 am

Hello. Nice to meet you! I'm Alia. I haven't reviewed anything of your's before and I'm quite looking forward to it! I liked this poem. I get a sort of Celtic, Gothic, medevil vibe...am I on the right track? I also figure the whole 'losing what once was' thing. I really understand the way your prose was influenced because I live not too far from you and my island was inhabited by Celts and Vikings for many years. As for the content, I can tell you've put alot of thought into this, and I haven't any real nitpicks, only that I think this tells more of a story, and therefore should've been placed in the narritive poetry section. Aswell, why put you last word 'perhaps' in bold? Italics, yes, but not bold. It gives it a tacky feel. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing,
~ Alia



When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up looking like a moron instead.
— Robin Hobb