Cheers to friendship

hello

first i just wanna tell you that i realy liked your poem , it's wonderful ,from all sides , i was reading it trying to find some mistakes , to warn you about , but i didn't find any flaw .
that's whyi'm gonna tell you about what i mosly liked about your work.

first i liked how you make me like your poem with just looking at it , it's well organised , there's four sentences in each part , and every sentence is like the other one .

then after reading it , the beginning and end were so expressive and attractive so good job .

also i think that your poem is that kind of poems that could be turned to an amazing song .

the punctuation , the rhythm , the imagery , and the description were so good .

my favourite part is :

The world we have made is akin to a rainbow
With glaring colors of joy and mischief
Troubles, invented or invited is a matter of routine
But with our mutual support, we let it go

so i realy enjoyed reading and reviewing your work , seriously , i also have a work about frienship but it's a song ,and after reading yours , hehe, i realy hated it .

so keep up the good work .

smile

I thought this was a fair representation of friendship, and that's an uncommon subject in poetry so this was nice. I also like how you kept a constant rhyme with the first and last rhyme in each stanza. Plus each stanza was four lines so this poem was structured nicely.

First problem a ran into though was:

"Our brains, only if we have, are just the same
Turning fun, twice its dose and sorrows into half"

Those two lines are worded pretty awkwardly. It's hard to understand what exactly you were trying to say even if you read it a few times. Just rephrase them and it will flow a lot better.

Also:

"The world we have made is akin to rainbow"

I don't know if you simply over looked it but there should be an 's' on the end of rainbow or an 'a' after to. The way it's stated now is a bit choppy.

Overall I would maybe make the second and third line of each stanza to make the poem stronger. As well as adding in specific stories of events maybe even just details of each or at least a few of the things you mention about the friendship. Like certain things you gossiped about or things you laughed over. Small stuff like that does a lot especially in poetry were a little goes a long way.

I did really enjoy the subject matter though, if you can write about not so common ideas then that helps a lot with how much both you and reader will like what is written.

Hi, Mayyda! First, I have to say, this poem is amazing. You wrote out the word 'friendship' into a beautiful poem. You began it well, and ended it well ; I can just imagine every word this poem gives into an image. You captured all the concepts of friendship very well.

The world we have made is akin to rainbow
With glaring colors of joy and mischief

This part, I absolutely love ; mostly because this is the part where I reflect on my life the best. I'm sure that with your friends, a best friend, the world will seem so colorful and.. fun.

Planning something and ending up doing instead

And this part is a little bit hard to understand. If you are meaning to say that friends do something, and end up doing it, I think you should take out the 'instead' and replace it with a 'it'. Or, if you put that in there with a deep meaning, keep it going!

Wonderful poem, Mayyda, wonderful poem.