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Young Writers Society



The ArchMage Saga: Prologue Origins

by matthewmazer


Chapter 1: Origins

For the past four-hundred and thirty years the mages have lived in the Hall of Magi, under the constant eye of the Knights of the Hall. It all began a time before recorded history when special men and women were able to wield a very special gift, called magic. These few were known as Mages. Soon the mages created a council, which set the rules, schools, and laws of magic. They were known as the Counsel of Elders. They created the five schools of magic (known as Elemental, Restoration, Illusion, Visionists and Nullification).

The School of Elements has four branches; fire, air, earth and water. Those who specialized in this school were able to manipulate the elements and they are known as Elemists. The School of Restoration are mages who can heal people and animals and accelerate the growth of their surroundings. The School of Illusions are mages that can create projections. Those mages with adequate skill are able to make their projections affect the real world. These mages are known as Illusionists. The School of Visionists is full of mages who can see into the future. There are two different branches; far-sight, Parallel. The far-sights are those who can see into the distant, and near future and the parallels are those who can see events going on in other parts of the world, at the current time. These mages are called Seers. The School of Nullification is the second most rare form of magic and is when a mage can nullify the magics of others, and sometimes reverse the effects of the magic. There is no form of division in this school and those who can wield it are known as Banes. Over time some mages became proficient in more than one school and these people became known as Specialists. Then arose Merlin.

Merlin was the first mage of his kind. He became skilled in all the schools of magic and he became the first ArchMage, one who could use all schools(his heirs were the only other people capable of this). Soon the ArchMages became leaders of the Counsel and grew more powerful with each passing generation. With each new generation the laws of magic changed. Peace and Prosperity was continuous until Aurora, an ArchMage, gave birth to twins; Sameal and Bartholomew.

Sameal, in every way, was better than his brother and always more loved. Bartholomew grew to be jealous, and with jealousy comes resentment and eventually evil. Sameal indefinitely became ArchMage, because he was born first. This did not bode well with the younger brother. To the knowledge of no one else Bartholomew started his own corps, known as The Prosecutors. This group numbered in the hundreds.

The Prosecutors believed that the world of mages had became corrupt and needed to be controlled. They followed the rule and ideas of their leader, Bartholomew. After a time of Sameal's rule the world was experiencing a time of great abundance and peace. One night Bartholomew and his army, equipped with onyx weapons, launched an attack on the Counsel of Elder's capital city of Colterris. A seventy-three year war followed. The war ended at the Battle of Sameal's Demise. Here the mages were largely outnumbered and out powered, for a few joined up with the Prosecutors. In the Great Hall, the Counsel's favored building, Sameal and the remaining three-hundred mages fought off hundreds off their enemies. In the final moments of the battle Sameal was cut with a blade of poisoned onyx and his two best friends, Coren and Drakus led him to safety. It is said that before he died Sameal delivered his last act and also the most hopeful for some mages. He spoke of how in the future a mage would arise. He would be the last ArchMage and the most powerful. The freedom or enslavement of all the mages lay in his hands. It was in the duty of Drakus and Coren to find this ArchMage, protect him, guide him and lead him to fulfill his destiny. The victors of that battle, the Prosecutors, said it was all lies. Some say the group disappeared, and others believed the trio died. Their true fate is known to no one.

In the modern world there is a school set up for mages, known as Bartholomew's School for the Naturally Gifted. The school was founded by the same Bartholomew who betrayed his brother and magic is now controlled by his laws and ideas, and the history is accurate. He hopes it will scare mages from trying to revolt. A potential mage is tested at the age of thirteen. If he or she has the skill they are sent to Bartholomew's. When they graduate from here they are sent to the Hall of Magi. Here their lives are controlled by the Knights of the Hall, formerly known as The Prosecutors. In the rare event that a mage escapes the Seekers are sent out to find them.

The Seekers are magi, usually Bane, who are hunters for the Hall and Bartholomew's. They are known to torture and sometimes kill to find the Macersuns, mage runaways. When they do find their charge they return them to their correct location, or kill them, if they have offended their 'protectors'.

Samuel Kyle Roberts, known as Sammy by his friends is an average thirteen year old boy. He has light brown hair and sea-green eyes, a little tall for his age and has the talent to be a mage. He is soon going to be sent in for The Awakening, the mage examination.

What no one knows is that he has a great future ahead of him. He will become lost in the conflicts and politics of his so called friends, and so called enemies. He will have to cut friendships because they will be no one he can trust. Tossed from side to side and fought and killed over for will his power free many or enslave many? Or will his power and frustrations he face cause him to dissipate?? No one knows, not even the greatest of seers. This is the story of a kid. This is how he changed the world.....


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Wed Apr 20, 2011 8:23 pm
cookEmonster wrote a review...



Hey, I'm sorry that i don't know how to answer you're question but I can test it out and get back to you soon :D hahah, and the story sounds great! I really can't wait to read it, you're writings extraordinary. It captured my interest the moment my eyes fell on the first word (;
You have a lot of talent haha, I REALLY can't wait until you write more!! :3




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Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:13 am
matthewmazer says...



Forgot to ask this: If I write something on here and save it can I continue to work on it before it's published and will everything stay?




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Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:11 am
matthewmazer says...



Few things to say but I'll start off by saying thanks for all the criticism.
As you guys can see I went through and fixed all the paragraphs (I didn't see the preview button that first time around).
I know its a lot to soak in with the prologue and everything but my biggest reason for it being there is because Sammy is going to be thrusted into the middle of everything and I wanted him to be confused and by throwing all the....history in there I was hoping to make a reference for the reader(should they ever get lost). I threw blasphemy in there because I thought it would make the story more interesting. If you look at it now you'll also see I changed up the "branches" and went through and deleted some stuff I thought would make Sammy a little too poewrful (He's the most powerful ArchMage and he can use all the schools). If there's any more grammetical errors tell me(I've never been the best with that kind of stuff). In chapter one I'm going to actually begin the book and I mentioned the whole thing about Bartholomew, Sameal, Drakus and Coren(does Coren sound like a guy's or girl's name, I need to know) because their's going to be a HUGE surprise later in the series.
One last question: should I make Sammy's intentions clear from the beginning or have him be clouded in that area( If you're thirteen think about all the power you have).
If there's anything you guys think I could do to make the characters more interesting tell me. I want the reader to feel like he actually knows the people.
Working on chapter 1 now, might have it published in a few days. Thanks everyone. :-)




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Fri Apr 15, 2011 5:44 am
Snoink wrote a review...



Hey Matthew! :D

I was reading through this chapter... wow! There is a lot of information here! I mean, consider the following paragraph:

The College of Engineering had four branches; mechanical, aeronautical, chemical, and biological. Those who specialized in this school were known as engineers. The School of Mathematics had only two branches, Applied Math and Pure math. The applied mathematicians could use math problems to solve for real word applications, the pure mathematicians could use math to theorize the world. These people were known as mathematicians. The School of Biological Science involved the skill to solve biological problems. There is no division of this skill but some biologists are able to make their projections affect the real world.

And so on and so forth. If I had to read that for a college, I would probably die. It is tautological in nature and it just goes on and on. So, while reading it, I have to wonder, "What purpose does this have for me?"

The same goes with yours. I mean, it's interesting in a way... these are good notes to keep you in line with your story. But, you don't need to put everything you write into your story, especially your world-building notes. One of my favorite worlds that has been created in a published books is Narnia, which C.S. Lewis wrote. And while things were explained to the human characters who came to Narnia, it was never all at once. C.S. Lewis allowed you to slip easily into a world. That might be a really nice thing to imitate here!

Anyway, my advice is just to drop right into the story and explain things as they come. I think it'll be a lot easier that way! :D




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Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:19 am
tgirly wrote a review...



Can't wait to read the first chapter. The first paragraph or two were a little slow and bulky, but the rest was really interesting. I'm not sure you used the word "blasphemy" right. "Blasphemy" means to say/do something against god or something sacred. I agree with SmylinG, you should probably reread it a few times, there were a couple grammatical errors. I sometimes have trouble remembering to keep the same tense too. It's a great plot idea. Good luck on your first novel at YWS.




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Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:59 pm
Soulkana wrote a review...



I had tried to review this but you had changed the name so the review didn't go through T.T anyways I say good job this is amazing. I would separate the paragraph for the explanation on the schools so its not so huge. I lost my spot around four times in that paragraph LOL. Also I want to say this is a very interesting and unique and can't wait for more. Good luck and Happy Writing!!! Keep up the good work^^




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Thu Apr 14, 2011 9:26 pm
SmylinG wrote a review...



Hey there, Mazer. Here to review this for you ;) Promise to keep it to the point, and painless as possible. (kidding)
Okay, so first off, you said this was the prologue to your story? You should probably label it as prologue then, instead of Chapter one. Just to keep things clear.

Also, this seemed like a bit much to soak in. You should have probably broken it up into distinct paragraphs so that it didn't seem like one unorganized block of writing. Adding spaces between paragraphs and sections of explaining will relieve some of the pressures of feeling like this is some sort of never ending story. Once the reader has digested one piece they can peacefully go into the next, then the next. Instead of being dragged on and on by the text.

I noticed as I was reading through, the mixing of tenses. The way you wrote this didn't flow correctly into one single fashion. It sort of felt as if your view of speaking kept switching from past tense to present tense to future tense with certain words in some places. You want to be careful not to scramble the tense of words, like becomes and became. It can be a bit distracting to the reader.

Also, - and again, this might just be my own opinion - but this all seemed a bit too explanative. I didn't feel diverged enough in the writing as I wished I couldv'e been. But this also might just have something to do with this not being the type of thing I usually read. Either way though, I would watch out with getting too involved with thoroughly explaining everything, and try to spice up the writing some, as well as making this easy to understand.

There were a few missing commas and out of place commas, but that's easily fixable. :) I would just go back and really focus on some of those sentences so it can all be picked out and revised. Other than that though, I think this was a pretty good piece. A lot of potential, definitely. ^-^ I wish you well in writing this story. Feel free to PM or post a comment on my wall if you have any thoughts or questions concerning my review. Hope I didn't sound too terrible! You really did a good job here. Just probably some room for improvement.




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Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:31 pm
matthewmazer says...



Just wanted to say this is only the the prologue. I will add chapters when they are completed, and if I have enough points. Should I add new chapters as a novels or edit the novel add paste the chapters there? Tell me what you think.





I'm effortlessly ironic.
— Link Neal