Published August 26, 2011
Where is the place where the grass glows and the gold sunlight grows?
It is where my truest friends depart.
And, where is the place where the air fills the soul and the water truly flows?
It is where I keep my golden heart.
Where is the place where the light is gray and not even the shadows leave marks?
It is where my worst foes reign.
And, where is the place where the concrete mocks and the air stabs at rusted hearts?
It is where I lock my frosted brain.
Why did the bright meadows of the dream-mist leave?
Because they fled the cold of the gray mind.
And, why are the senses trusted so when all they do is deceive?
Because all they know cannot be defined.
.
If you live life by either one, then, be ready for a sign,
For not all that is known for sure, can be said to be, Divine.
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138,362 Literary Works • 672,109 Reviews
Great title for a stunningly written poem! Great stanza structure and flow to the poem! My only suggestion would be to this piece had a better series of events. That will allow a better journey for your readers! But the way you sculpted your lines is uniquely beautiful!
Where is the place where the grass glows and the gold sunlight grows?
It is where my truest friends depart.
And, where is the place where the air fills the soul and the water truly flows?
It is where I keep my golden heart.
I literally had goose bumps after this verse! Great work! Keep up the writing!
This is really good!
This is my favorite part.
Mainly because it's true.
The only couple nitpicks I have is that I noticed a couple commas that were in places they probably didn't need to be.
After the "And" here.
I also don't think you need a comma after "then", before "can", or after "be" here.
Overall, this is an extremely well written poem, and I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the great work!
This is great! I like how you write down these odd but creative questions and then give them answers! Sometimes leaving the reader thinking is good, but it's even better when given a question, there's also an answer
I adore the imagination in this piece and I liked the happy, mysterious feeling I got from reading it... I don't really understand what this refers to or anything but it has this aura of positivity... I mean, there's negative stuff in the poem but somehow it still read as something positive, eeh, I just mumbling now!
Anyhows, I liked almost all of it except for the fact that you have lines that are way too long, sometimes twice the line below so... I suggest you let them fill two lines instead of one!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
This is great, well done.
Really good job, I enjoyed reading this piece. Your word choice was great, and I liked the contrast between the first and second stanzas. I particularly liked the first line.
An interesting thought that got my mind working. This piece is very inspirational, really got my imagionation going. I wasn't really sure if there was an intended point, or story here. I'm also not sure if it should have one, its good the way it is. Either way, I think you did really well!
Razzle