Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General


body

by marsathanxx


so many things wrong with my body. my brain.

so many things wrong with my stomach.the pain

so many things wrong with my legs, refrain.

i dont like this body, but it isnt even your body?

i dont like this body, well its the only body

be gentle with your body, i refuse to listen to that phrase.

too fat, the dysmorphia it envades.

too wrong, the dysphoria it destroys,

fix the stomach, fix the dysmorphia it envades.

make the stomach, no it must decay.

fix your legs, cant take away scars, mistakes.

fix your chest, your- no i cant. they wont let me.

i want to leave i want to be a skeleton in the cold world.

but your too cold? im fine, ill just bathe.

warm water bury me, warm water give me a home.

i dont want to leave i have no home.

tired of my ed tired of my issues. 

tired of my dysmorphia, dysphoria causing issues.

i wonder what is it like? to think and be or maybe just exist as you?


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 0
Reviews: 0

Donate
Mon Apr 22, 2019 5:15 am
Itsbintezahid says...



Hello. Your style is really captivating. Moreover, I can relate to the message.
No matter what the issues, fixable or not, one must be grateful. The more grateful you are the more happy you'll be. :)




User avatar
236 Reviews


Points: 12025
Reviews: 236

Donate
Thu Apr 18, 2019 11:58 am
Liberty says...



If this is true, and you wanna talk, then feel free to PM me whenever. I'm here for you.




User avatar
484 Reviews


Points: 26011
Reviews: 484

Donate
Thu Apr 18, 2019 10:32 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, FlamingPhoenix here to talk about your poem for a little while. I'll try and make it short. Ans help get this out the green room.

Let's start.

As you know we are only human, so it is alright to have these feeling about yourself. So I'm going to be honest with you, I myself have problems with my body, my head doesn't work as well as I want it to, and I to feel over wait. But like someone told me you shouldn't let the way you looks affect you. You are who you are and I'm sure you are an amazing person. No matter what others may say. And remember you aren't the only one who feels this way.

On other notes, I think this poem was really well written and you got all the emotion in there, and it was great to read. I think the length was great, and I feel like you managed to get everything you wanted to say out.

Well that's it from me. I'm really glad I got to chance to read this and review it. I'm also glad I managed to tell you that your not alone. Never stop writing because your really good, and have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.




User avatar
114 Reviews


Points: 7140
Reviews: 114

Donate
Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:46 am
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

I really liked this poem! It's written on a very emotion-filled topic... and I was drawn in from the first line. I actually think it fits with how your words and sentences were sort of jumbled together - if that makes sense - so that really reinforces the character of this person. I could really feel raw emotion being conveyed from this... and I especially like the sentence you ended off with. The entire content of the poem talks about the issues this person is facing with themselves, and then they ask themselves questions of what it would be like to live as someone else. I feel like this may also be a question for us readers to think about, in trying to think of what it would be like to be the character of this poem.

Anyway, those are all the things I loved about this. Now, there are a couple of errors that would make the poem flow a lot smoother if fixed. Firstly, this is a small one, but in the second line, you can add in a period after "pain". I thought this might keep it consistent with how the first line was written. Also, I'm kind of confused with lines 4, 5 and 6. "But it isn't even your body"... "well it's the only body"... are these lines supposed to be dialogue? You may want to make this clear because it's hard to make sense of when I'm reading through this. In line 6, you may do the same thing as well, by placing "be gentle with your body" in quotations.

In line 7, I'm not too sure if "envades" is a word... maybe you meant to use "invades" or "evades"? You may want to double check that, I could be wrong.

In line 10, you may want to clarify what the phrase "make your stomach" means. I think you may have missed adding in a word.

That's pretty much all I found. All in all, I love the idea of this poem. It's deep and well-written. Welcome to YWS, by the way! I hope to read more of your work!

Keep Writing :)




marsathanxx says...


envades is a typo. make your stomach. as in eat too much



FabihaNeera says...


Ohh I see... sorry if that's a common phrase.. I didn't really know what that meant. But great job anyway :)



marsathanxx says...


its okay




A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles