Young Writers Society

Hello. Your style is really captivating. Moreover, I can relate to the message.
No matter what the issues, fixable or not, one must be grateful. The more grateful you are the more happy you'll be.

If this is true, and you wanna talk, then feel free to PM me whenever. I'm here for you.

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here to talk about your poem for a little while. I'll try and make it short. Ans help get this out the green room.

Let's start.

As you know we are only human, so it is alright to have these feeling about yourself. So I'm going to be honest with you, I myself have problems with my body, my head doesn't work as well as I want it to, and I to feel over wait. But like someone told me you shouldn't let the way you looks affect you. You are who you are and I'm sure you are an amazing person. No matter what others may say. And remember you aren't the only one who feels this way.

On other notes, I think this poem was really well written and you got all the emotion in there, and it was great to read. I think the length was great, and I feel like you managed to get everything you wanted to say out.

Well that's it from me. I'm really glad I got to chance to read this and review it. I'm also glad I managed to tell you that your not alone. Never stop writing because your really good, and have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing this a fiery passion.

Hello,

I really liked this poem! It's written on a very emotion-filled topic... and I was drawn in from the first line. I actually think it fits with how your words and sentences were sort of jumbled together - if that makes sense - so that really reinforces the character of this person. I could really feel raw emotion being conveyed from this... and I especially like the sentence you ended off with. The entire content of the poem talks about the issues this person is facing with themselves, and then they ask themselves questions of what it would be like to live as someone else. I feel like this may also be a question for us readers to think about, in trying to think of what it would be like to be the character of this poem.

Anyway, those are all the things I loved about this. Now, there are a couple of errors that would make the poem flow a lot smoother if fixed. Firstly, this is a small one, but in the second line, you can add in a period after "pain". I thought this might keep it consistent with how the first line was written. Also, I'm kind of confused with lines 4, 5 and 6. "But it isn't even your body"... "well it's the only body"... are these lines supposed to be dialogue? You may want to make this clear because it's hard to make sense of when I'm reading through this. In line 6, you may do the same thing as well, by placing "be gentle with your body" in quotations.

In line 7, I'm not too sure if "envades" is a word... maybe you meant to use "invades" or "evades"? You may want to double check that, I could be wrong.

In line 10, you may want to clarify what the phrase "make your stomach" means. I think you may have missed adding in a word.

That's pretty much all I found. All in all, I love the idea of this poem. It's deep and well-written. Welcome to YWS, by the way! I hope to read more of your work!

Keep Writing