He killed himself
when he died,I died too
His picture sits in the back of my mind,Like it's a shelf
It's hard to cope now
But at least I got hope
I used to cope with psychedelic drugs
End up passed out on a rug
He was a thug,Which would probably just make you shrug
But really he just needed a hug
Someone to tell him it's okay,That he'll get better
But at that rate,It was too late
He was already dead
But nothing was said
His story was just read
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,744 Reviews
im not crying... im just cosplaying a waterfall...
into the review
this is genuinely so amazing. The grief expressed through this feels so real, if this this actually happened to you, I'm so sorry. The part about drugs is horribly sad, the realness behind this made my skin crawl. But this is amazing.
sorry im not great at reviewing, but this is really good. keep up the great work, mwah mwah
First of all, let me say that this poem is so beautiful in an incredibly sad sense. It accurately depicts the struggles of grief and regret. As a passionate believer of "Villains are made not born", this poem speaks to me and breaks my heart all at the same time. I only have a couple pieces of advice for this!
Wording and editing! You usually did a good job of this for the majority of the poem, but make sure to thoroughly go through your poem and make sure everything is grammatically correct and formatted well.
Rhymes! While I loved the rhymes, I also wished there was some more to them. Something to make the lines more interesting or add some pizzazz, just to make it more intriguing.
Overall, I loved the poem! Keep writing, and I look forward to reading more of your works!
Hello, I am here to review for you today
I love this image but I do have a suggestion. As it's currently written it rather sounds like the picture is the shelf as that is the subject of the sentence and "of my mind" is a prepositional phrase. So maybe say "like it's on" a shelf?So honestly I have to say that title was powerful right there cuz that drew me right here. I find it interesting that you didn't capitalize "killed" in the title. I think that draws out the more important words "he" and "himself" as that brings out the importance of the fact that he is a person and deserves to live. "Killed" is not a pleasant word and leaving it uncapitalized in a way shows that the importance of the story is about a person and not what he did to put shame on his name.
In a sense I believe your choice to not capitalize words brings special attention to them. The line beginning with "when" is the only line that is not capitalized. And this brings special attention to it because someone else has died mentally-the narrator. But interestingly it is not written as "when he killed himself, he killed me too." Which I think really brings out the point that the narrator is not angry or bitter but only sad and contemplative, suggesting this is the after thoughts of a suicide long ago.
I really think the short line about it being difficult to cope was super powerful the way you kept that short and to the point. I love how the next line almost contradicts the first statement as the narrator is not completely in the darkness like the line above suggests.
Now the part about the narrator taking drugs...in a way I believe this became a point where he or she began to really understand what the character who committed suicide felt. With that understanding, the character now looks back and sympathizes with the character who committed suicide because now it is understood that "he really just needed a hug." And in a sense the narrator realizes all of this far too late to understand. The narrator didn't know what was happening and was so confused that drugs were resorted to. But now that the character has found themself in such a difficult situation, they understand what the suicidal character went through and wants to go back and give them a hug.
I found the last two lines very touching. He was a nobody who no one knew. No one cares for him. No one said anything when he died. This narrator was the only one who knew. And the narrator felt the importance to record it because it became a lesson to reach out and make a difference. It also became lesson to reach out in times of need. I have the impression that the narrator does feel some guilt but now is on the stages of healing and understands more about what happened so they forgive the character for what happened.
And that's it! Hope this was helpful!
-Kaia
I'm just going to be honest and say that I'm not in a very sugary moods. but I want to review. yes, us people exist. sorry
this almost wiped out my sour mood right away. I have a saying that I've been preaching for a while that I think more people need to hear. "the hand that is covered in blood, belongs to an arm with no one to hug" it could go either way, suicide or murder. both are because no one thought to sit down and have a conversation with the person who ended up causing harm. all it takes is two words. two words to prevent suicide. to prevent mass school murder. nine times out of ten, it takes two words for someone to break down and cry, and then try their best to make their life a little bit better.
"I'm here" is a lot more powerful than people think because a lot of people don't have that. socially awkward people are often pushed out for their unusual mindset. people forget that they know their name, not their story. or they just desperately struggle to fit the stupid status quo. a lot of people are nicer if they're alone in the room with you because they don't have friends to act differently towards. my best advice to you is to be that one person who doesn't care if the kid reeks of mold, because you don't know how their mother acts. be that one person who doesn't care if the kid screams at everyone, because you don't know how much they get screamed at. be that person who will still be there when your friend becomes a psychotic wreck, even, because you don't know how long they went without a shoulder to cry on.
sorry if this wasn't much of a review, it's how I usually do reviews. also, welcome to YWS! you'll love it here! I didn't think too much of it first but it's wonderful! bye bye!
Once again, welcome to YWS, and I hope you have a great time here!
Hello, and welcome to YWS! I hope you’re doing well. I’m going to review your first publication on YWS! It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed, so bear with me. 🫠
This was a very sad read. I could feel what the narrator was trying to convey and the depth of their emotions. It also emphasized on how much “he” mattered in the narrator’s life.
The poem was really good, I don’t have much to point out since this is an experience, but a few grammatical mistakes. I would like to point out the capitalization of letters after a comma, which doesn’t happen unless it’s written in a different sentence. And also don’t forget to add a space after a comma!
The poem hit very deep. I hope writing has bought some comfort to you. I love how it makes the reader feel like they’re in the writer’s head and how raw the emotions and the poem are. I also love how they rhyme.
Overall it’s was a good read, and a comforting reminder that instead of being consumed by pain, we should move on and learn from our experiences. I hope you have a great day!
Kay