The Guild of the Velvet Rose prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: OKay...a fairly powerful opening scene in this one. I think you on the whole manage to do a pretty good job with constructing this particular scene. There's more than enough going on to make things very interesting and it does capture the attention of a reader very well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

" Fellow Guild members! We are gathered here today to witness the beheading of Lady Amelia Bradley III and her conspirators, Lady Viviana Bradley and Samuel Burns. The leader and founder of this wonderful Guild does not come before you today. Today, before you stands a guilty woman. Guilty of what? Well, we are all quite aware of what she is guilty of. Any final words, m'lady?" The jester laughed a wicked laugh as Lady Amelia was pushed up onto the platform. The onlookers stood silently as she straightened her posture and began to speak.

" Do not let this happen, I implore you! The raving of this mad jester have often brought turmoil to whoever listens! Please, I am guilty of no crime! But, if I must die, I will say one last piece. By beheading all of us, you bring upon the Guild a reputation of bloodshed. It will destroy you one day and I wish I could be there to watch it do so. You can behead and maul and tear us to pieces, but that will never stop the truth from being seen. The real people guilty of a crime are not standing before you. The guilty ones are watching me make this speech!" The jester fumed and started towards her. She continued to speak, " Fellow members! Do not let the Guild end like this!" The jester reached her by then and brought her to her knees. He kicked her hard in the stomach and just kept kicking. Samuel Burns began writhing and fidgeting in his place as he watched Amelia be beaten.

Okayy...well this is off to a powerful start there. It seems we've got two people being executed and well its always quite hard to judge who is possibly right in any of these scenarios but I think you seem to suggest the ones being executed are perhaps more in the right and this is the action of a hostile takeover of sorts by a more tyrannical ruler here.

" No! Stop!" He cried finally. A moment later he realized his mistake.

" It appears you have an admirer, m'lady." The jester said wickedly. He motioned and the soon-to-be dutchess Margaret of Barrington, the jester's coconspirator, shoved and brought Samuel forward next to Amelia.

" And how would you like to see your admirer slaughtered before you die?" Margaret said.

" No!" Amelia said, slowly getting up from her crouched position. She winced as she did so, the little bloodstains on her dress blossoming. When she was finally up, she was restrained by a burly boy. Samuel's head was put into place and the jester raised the large axe. He brought it down and blood spattered everywhere as Lady Amelia's cries rang through the forest.

Well wow, this is getting along with things fast. That much is very clear right here and you're not pulling any punches whatsoever in what's happening here. I think you've managed to pull of a pretty neat scene here with this. It makes for a powerful showing of the horror being performed here and you can tell this is definitely the work of some sort of tyrant takeover.

" Now for the little sister!" Another coconspirator of the jester, Lady Cecilia Rhodes IV, said as she brought up a young girl who looked to be about fourteen.

" You bloody murderers! You would see a child murdered at your hands?" the young girl said. Her name was Morgana Bradley. She sounded calm and disgusted which masked the fear she felt.

" You are no child to the Guild." Lady Cecilia said as she thrust the little girl to her knees. The axe came down and Lady Amelia didn't cry. Instead, she began to devise a plan to get out alive.

Well...there's the confirmation of some genuine horror right there to have a child that young be executed is certainly a very bold statement there that only someone truly horrible is going to do and well, we know who to root for now although the situation does look dire.

The burly boy restraining her looked pained. He looked sad and almost angered at the jester as he joyfully skipped around the stage and made another speech. He looked to be about sixteen and kept staring at Amelia. Having no other idea in mind, Amelia made a split second decision. She kissed the boy full in the mouth. Surprised, he let go of her. Knowing the jester was distracted, as well as Lady Cecilia and Margaret of Barrington, she ran off the platform and into the woods as fast as she could.

The jester turned around then, calling forth Lady Amelia. When he saw the empty hands of the boy and his confused face, the jester couldn't have been more livid.

The axe came down.

Lady Amelia ran.

Well...that's a neat little scene. I was worried for a second that the child was also going to end up dead at the beginning but it appears we're going to start with what seemed like a pretty ingenious escape. Its hard to see how a guild that appears this focused on killing these people would slip up in this manner but then this is a child so perhaps there was some underestimating going on. At any rate, it does make for a very interesting ending here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think this is a solid start here. You've got just about all the thing that you could want from a situation like this one, and while the escape is a little questionable it is a pretty smart one and I assume it gets better explained later. At any rate, this was interesting enough that I find myself wanting to read more here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

oops. I meant to write Viviana Bradley that second time.

her name was Morgana Bradley...

its supposed to be Viviana Bradley