Published August 16, 2011
I want to be forever young
to smile at the world
and spread my good mood
Remove the sorrows
ignite the joy
and douse pain
#
I will be forever young
to leave waxed my footprints
with firm steps on the ground
Fighting for my people and my homeland
with all soul and relentlessly
but fighting without war
#
I want to be forever young
for walking watching at the people
and they will not forget that I exist
Be able to show my God
because I feel to him
because I saw him
#
Loaded with anxiety
I would like to give my heart
without fear of being wrong
Understanding the goodbyes
and be forever young
to fall in love again
#
I want to be forever young
to not realize the failure
if not I harvested what I deserved
Sustain myself
and that still I retain strength
for someone can lean on me
#
I want to be forever young
for get up easy of the drop
and endure the betrayal
Inventing a dream all the time
to will bring open door
to put passion
#
I want to be forever young
for that problems amuse me
find alternatives
To break new ground
and encouraging me in any weather
to undertake the journey
#
While I´m young I am sure,
will melt the torment every night
whenever that come back one day
I just wish that
and your lives will be eternal
when my own live is finished
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138,958 Literary Works • 672,362 Reviews
Lots of your lines are worded weirdly, and hard to understand. You also have one comma in the entire poem. I don't get why you put # between every two stanzas. As for the poem it was okay, but needs grammar. With out it, it's read differently.
PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!
-Boo
The poem was quite interesting. I like the way you've written 'I want to be forever young' in every paragraph to emphasize it. In the very last line, 'when my own live is finished' it should be, 'when my own life is finished'. Besides that, The whole poetry was very good. I think you've conveyed your message clearly through this poetic approached. Well done and keep it up.