Hey there! I'm stopping by for a quick quick review of this lovely poem of yours! Let's not waste any time, unless jump right in.
To begin, I absolutely adore your unique formatting of this. I love how we use the Roman numerals and almost go through different scenes. To me, each of these seem to be speaking from a different point in the writers/your life. I love how you either lots or very little details to add suspense. For example:
iv.
help me! help me! help me!
This is very vague, but says a lot. I assume this was from a time in this persons life when something was presently very wrong, while the other parts seem to be more like collections of emotional thoughts regarding a current situation or stage of life. This seems almost like an experience where a person is stuck in the past, remembering other times, or experiencing them like a trauma response or dissociation. I could see the numbers being times of day mixed with dates or symbolic numbers. There is so much that it could be, which I love a lot.
I like how you write. Using the casual, laid back feel and symbols like & throughout the piece.
Love this ending:
v.
recess is over. i'm back in my body,
reflected back into myself, unwilling.
sometimes memory fails me.
sometimes it does not.
This really sounds like an out of body sort of experience. I love how simply but powerfully you write. Fantastic work, friend <3
Your friend,
Ellie
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Reviews: 648
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