Flash fiction and second-person? Hey come on man you don't copy other people's styles >:((
Hi manilla, here's the review I promised.
This story is so interesting to me because it has two stylistic choices of mine in prose fiction: flash fiction and the 2nd-person POV. I probably have like 3, probably 4 second-person flash fiction stories out so far, so it's a thing of mine already and one reason why I was so attracted to this short.
The choice to use flash fiction (whether it was thought about deeply or just thrown in for fun) has some interesting effects on this one. I don't claim to be an expert on flash fiction, but being an almost flashfic-only writer, I just know for sure that this story harnesses the strengths of the short short story format. For one, the small word count imbibes the narrative with a strong energy that sticks all throughout the story and a strong punch at the end, which are two things longer formats can't achieve.
I don't know about you, but I definitely feel this way about novels and shorts. In novels, I feel there are like some parts in the narrative that become less intense, and in the end I don't feel as strong an impact. But I feel different in short stories, where all throughout it feels unrelentingly intense and the ending feels like it has such a strong punch.
For me, flash fiction evokes those feelings, but to a more extreme degree. This story plays on those two strengths of flash fiction. Because the story has been rendered so short, it has little (if not zero) downtime. And because it's so consistently sweet and fluffy all throughout, the story ends with a nice, heartwarming punch. Had this been extended, the momentum of the story may have been slowed, it may have gotten less fun at some parts, and the ending may have gotten weaker.
On the use of second-person, I'm not an expert on it either, really. But I guess one thing that it does for this story is it involves the reader in an unconventional way. Third person stories may feel a little bit detached, and sure, first person stories do involve the reader somehow. But the second person, it's very uniquely direct to the reader. It's jabbing. Unlike the first person which feels like you slipping into the skin of the character, this story pushes the character into you. And it just feels so fresh, you feel me?
On the flipside, I do have some minor complaints on the story. Don't get me wrong, I think this story is definitely competent as it is, but these are the kinks I just want to talk about.
First, the general-ness of this piece is a double-edged sword for me. The story isn't really specific to be honest. We don't know how old the characters are, we don't know the context that happened before this romantic exchange, and it's possible to read this as a lesbian romance just as well as a straight one!
It helps because many people who have experienced romance can easily identify with it. The gays, the straights, young people, old people, longtime lovers, fresh couples, all that fancy stuff. Anyone can just slip into the skin of this story, and that's cool. Don't listen to people who say genericness in a story is bad, I think it really does help here.
However, it hurts because for people who haven't experienced romantic relationships (like myself) and who hate fluff because it may feel rather empty.
The other weird kink is how the song is written here. I just want to say, the song you chose is such a great song choice. It's so mellow, it's so simple, it's so iconic and timeless, it's just so sweet like honey to listen to. And as someone who's listened to these smooth baritones of Presley so much, it hits me so hard every time.
The impact of the great song choice can made even greater by splitting these song lines according to the pauses in the actual song. Like you know, Presley pauses briefly in the parts between "Wise men say" and "only fools rush in." If you can reflect those subtleties in the original song in some way like this:
"Wise men say...
...only fools, rush in"
then the song lines (especially the ending!) will be more reminiscent with the original that people know and love, and thus become more evocative.
That is, unless you wrote this with an alternative cover of Can't Help Falling In Love in mind. But the OG Presley version is what everyone knows, so might as well go with that.
In conclusion, soft light and big hearts//vignette. is fluff. Some people might like it. Some might not. But as it is, for sure it is very competent fluff. Despite some few weird kinks, it is a damn good version of itself that utilizes the strengths of flash fiction and the second-person POV to make itself a little more than just fluff.
***
Anyway that's the end of the review. It's been a long, long while since I actually did one on any form of literature really (last one was probably in August last year oof), so I apologize if it fell short of the quality you'd expect from me. Let me know if it helped or if you got any questions. I'd be happy to chat about it a little more, because it's been a pleasure reading and reviewing this so far.
Thanks for reading this review!
-Kazumi
(BTW:
Many thanks too for reading and giving my latest 2nd-person flashfic a review. It's also been a pleasure reading it. Like, I got a little bit heartwarmed at that part about the "essence of realism" in my work. I'll take your kind comments to heart as I revise it later on yaaaay)
Points: 1937
Reviews: 91
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