Young Writers Society

Although I basically can't read Chinese characters (sorry, ancestors!), I do know some historical-related words because of dramas. xD What intrigued me was that when I initially saw the word empress, I kind of automatically assumed an empress regnant (which really didn't happen much in Chinese history, so I don't know why I did). However, turns out the characters was niang niang. So she's a child empress consort then?

Since I'm not proficient in titles of the Imperial court or anything like that, I wasn't sure, but in that case, although niang niang is the way to address her as "Your Highness" and such, would huanghou sound better there?

(If I got that totally wrong and she's supposed to be a ruling empress, then I would suggest 女皇 or even 陛下, since I think niang niang is for the main wife of the emperor.)

As for the rest of the Chinese, like I said before, I don't know how to write in the script, so I can't say much about that.

On to the actual content, I was a little confused because it's marked as a Novel/Chapter, but only has lines of dialogue. I looked back at the top and reread your author's note, so I understand now. I felt that the dialogue was generally smooth and flowed naturally. However, the speech seems very modern for a Chinese empire. Is this a self-imagined Chinese setting in the future? (Would that explain the presence of cake, besides it being her birthday? Birthday cake that I'm imagining in my head is definitely a Western custom brought over to Asia in recent history.)

Just my honest thoughts! I hope that my roundabout rambling helped somehow, since they weren't meant to be harsh in any way. I adore anything related to the Chinese language and Chinese history. I'll try to look at your Part 2 as soon as I can. Happy writing!

Hi manilla! I was snooping around the green room today and was thoroughly intrigued by your piece.

The flashlight shines blankly on the crushed body underneath the giant stone brick.

"I thought she'd be alive!"

-"She's been dead for how long, now? Supposedly?"

"Tell me why were we picked to go search the ruins of this effing palace?"

-"It's not a ruin. Most other things are intact."

"Let's come back to the girl later. There's other things to explore."

Picking up their tools, the two walk out of the great hall to the left wing of the palace.

"Well, let's solve this mission, then! Who murdered the girl?"

Hey, manilla! Rain here for a review. Since this piece is pretty short, I'll do my best to review everything I can! (However, I'm completely unfamiliar with Chinese, unfortunately, so I'll be unable to help in that area).

What first drew me in was the mystery aspect! I think it's quite interesting how you're taking this approach to a mystery story - the dialogue only - because I've never seen that before! Mysteries are usually described in a lot of detail, especially to get the readers thinking about all possible aspects of the case/murder. So I'm very interested to see how this mostly dialogue story will take it! Not to discourage you from dialogue only - I think it's very unique. Just want you to be aware of making sure the two men are speaking out everything that's necessary (any clues/hints).

The man with the dash next to his name seems very knowledgeable. I like how I can detect a bit of differentiation between the two men - which is especially crucial in a story like this where the only indicator is a dash or no dash (it can get super confusing for the reader). So I like how we have that bit of difference between the two characters.

-"She's been dead for how long, now? Supposedly?"

"Hours."

-"Wrong, days."