In this game, you step into the arena with no weapons, no disguises, no tricks up your sleeve. You only carry yourself, your composure haughty over the screams of thousands. In this game, this is how it works. There’s nothing to stress about because you know what to prepare for, and even without knowing, you’ve been preparing all your life. Nothing is real to you except yourself, which the audience will deem worthy or not. You question whether being worthy is...worth it. The Proctors didn’t tell you that other than today, you would be one of the many that were chosen for this specific task.
Only three spoken words. Only a minute glance. That is all you and the others are given. Something rough shoves into your shoulder: a Proctor, telling you to get a move on. You’ve already dressed in a simple gray shirt and pants, removed all traces of bandages or cosmetics or whatever you typically wear. Even glasses. And now, you’re practically blind, left exposed to the flashing lights and spells of reality.
You feel yourself walking down a hall with two Proctors flanking your side. Feet hit soft sand. Warmth envelops you in the sun. Roars from the crowd. It doesn’t seem too bad after all. Perhaps you like it, perhaps you want more.
The Proctors shove you into the center of the arena and let you say what you have to say. All around you are miniature little dots and splashes of natural-toned color; people’s faces. What could be your name is emblazoned on the giant projector screen in a blocky green font, along with a video close-up of each single movement, the slight tensing you do, the way your eyes look emptily ahead. All those eyes on you and only you thrills you, the crowd’s apprehension for your next action drives all of you insane. After this second, ratings will pile in. You will be ranked. Accepted, perhaps, to the next stage of this mad game. The audience will forget you, but not for long. Definitely not for long.
You raise your arms, open your mouth, and set three words free.
“We begin again.”
hello manilla!
Autopilot here to review your (rather beautiful) work. Hopefully I'll be able to write this review even half is clearly as you wrote this piece, but you never know till you know; so let's get started!
To begin with, I'm a big fan of flash fiction There's little to no context for it's content, you start in right in the middle of the scene; like jumping straight into the middle of the pool instead of slowly wading in. You have an excellent grasp on this style of writing. The feelings evoked by this work are strong, I feel as if you picked me up and placed me in a different world. As soon as I started reading it, it was as if I was standing in the arena exposed, vaguely blind, anxious, and determined. This piece is excellent.
Now, onto the more logistical reviewing.
You have totally mastered the art of showing, and not telling. There are little to no extra words, and that is a huge part of successful flash fiction. I've thoroughly searched, are there are no misspelled words, and your punctuation is perfect. GodfreysBouillon already pointed out one of the two little things I was going to mention. I would also change it to either "the sun envelope you in warmth" or "warmth envelopes you as you step into the sun." The only thing I would suggest is in the first sentence;
"In this game, you step into the arena with no weapons, no disguises, no tricks up your sleeve."
I would say "and no tricks up your sleeve." But that is the only other thing that stuck out to me.
Great job and keep on writing!
Autopilot
This echoes in the depths of mystery, of fear and of excitement!
I love the anxiety I felt as I was placed into the situation, I felt the eyes of the crowd on me, I felt the nervousness I would feel if I was part of some huge game.
I like how there's so much unknown, makes it so much better. Who are the proctors? What is this game?
What have I been preparing for my entire life, this moment of judgement from the masses or whatever evil trials lie beyond it?
There were some wordings I didn't understand the first read through, but its probably the fact thats Im running on less than 5 hours of sleep. The correction I would make however, is in your phrase "Warmth envelops you in the sun." I think it would work much better if it was put as "The sun envelops you in warmth" After all, the warmth is a product of the sun, not the other way.
Awesome job. I hope this isn't part of some bigger series Im missing and thats why there's so much mystery, I like how it stands alone.
120,360 Literary Works • 649,583 Reviews
Points: 200
Reviews: 0
Donate